Day377: Conundrum

Monday, July 01, 2013

Conundrum: A confusing and difficult problem or question.

I have one.

You see, I have these races I've signed up for - a couple of which I out and out cannot compete in either because of pace limits (Like the Scranton Marathon), or a literal inability to participate (Like the Triathlon which is at the end of July.)

However, I have a couple of grey-area races now, too.

First, I have the Firecracker 5K coming up this Thursday. In theory, I can walk it. It's the same thing with the Air Force Half - I can run-walk it.

I just.. I just feel so -humiliated= at the idea of walking.

Really, that's the only word I can think of to describe how I'm feeling. Please note - I have NO problem with people who walk races. None. Just, when I think of myself doing it.. it's like.. going back to fifth grade.. or taking a demotion at work. Or.. I dunno, it just feels 'lower' for me. Like I'm letting myself down. I know it's a ridiculous feeling; but, it's how I feel.

So, my conundrum is whether to walk the reaces I'm permitted to walk.

I'm still thinking about it.

The only positives of this experience is that I don't have to split my time between race training and sewing. I can sew ALL THE THINGS. Well, most of the things. I bailed on my Black Lantern Wonderwoman costume and Thor for this year. I really want to concentrate on doing Agent Hill justice.

So, that's about it from here. I'm down to 184.4 from the HORRIBLE 188. So, I'm feeling quite a bit better about my situation. Plans for a brief walk over lunch today as it's raining.

Happy Monday, Folks!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I understand you completely. I'm at that stage right now too; where you feel as though you SHOULD be able to run/jog a decent pace/time, but you can't. And it feels horrible, like you're a not as good as you could be, despite all that training and hard work to get to your current point. My only advice is to keep on going.
    2296 days ago
    I vote for walking them. Something is better than nothing. If you don't walk those races you will just sit and mope around the house and probably go for some reassuring snacks. Yep, better to walk and get out in the fresh air. Don't be so hard on yourself, be kind to you. Cut yourself a little slack. Well, that's my 2 cents worth! emoticon
    2296 days ago
    I don't know you at all, right, so this might be way off base.

    For me, I've been working on humility and liking myself. So, if this were my situation, I would recognize how humbling it is to walk the race and try to walk it with grace, and pay attention to and try to deal with my feelings as I'm walking it.
    2296 days ago
    Sometimes, my friend, you have to find the UP side and let go of the rest. Example: I am active - love to walk, work in my garden, ride my bike, etc. I also have injuries from being the passenger in the wrong car at the time a drunk decided to hit it head-on. As I age, my easily sprained or turned ankles become a bigger problem and there are now bigger limitations on what I can do or how far I can get - but I'm still working in my garden and still riding my bike and still get in at least 10,000 steps a day most days. When I feel like I'm throwing a pity party for myself, I think of that saying: "I wept because I had no shoes until I saw a man who had no feet." I had last rites twice after I was in that accident, so I am grateful I have shoes and feet and am still breathing. I bet you are, too. All you can do (or any of the rest of us) is the best you can with what you've got. Do your best and don't do anything that is too much or won't be good for you right now. Nothing humiliating about saying, "My body can't handle this right now." We are all only human.
    2296 days ago
    Personally I'd say to walk them - you might have a fun day being outside with other folks and you've already signed up. But then if it's really just too much of a mental bummer to not be able to run, there's that - I don't know well enough to say :)

    Unfortunately I'm benched with you now - ankle sprain. so SEW ALL THE THINGS! (I'm headed to Pennsic in a few weeks and my medieval wardrobe could use some serious replacements)
    2297 days ago
    That's a tough one! My initial reaction was.. "Oh, you should totally walk them anyway for the extra exercise!!"

    But... that's just the physical side of things.

    I think what it will come down to is whether or not you feel that it will be worth it for your mental health, you know? Will the emotions related to walking it be too damaging to be worth the extra physical movement?

    Yes, I think you should totally walk them anyway, but if it's going to make you feel really crappy, then it might be better not to.

    That being said.. Are your restrictions such that you can't get your heart rate up at all due to like.. eyeball pressure reasons? I was going to suggest taking a pair of three or five pound weights and doing curls, etc while walking. The extra weight when I do anything always raises the HR fast. But.. trying to get any sort of extra extra with this seems like it may be exactly what you aren't supposed to be doing XD

    The whole problem sounds really frustrating, even though I don't have experience as a runner. I hope it's something you are able to sort out in your head. You are totally right about one thing, though.. EXTRA SEWING TIME!

    We both need it :/ AnimeFEST is the same weekend as Dragon*Con, but it's in Dallas. I MAY be going to that one, but I'm not sure. I have so much I need to do and only about 2 months to do it in!
    2297 days ago
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