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How does stress affect you?

Monday, July 01, 2013

I have been doing brain isometrics today.

The back story-

Dh has a daughter who lives in Texas with her 2 kids and husband. She hates my guts because I dared to tell her she was a poor credit risk and we cut off the cash flow after pouring thousands of dollars into her which she used for alcohol and drugs instead of paying bills. We were not told when she had her 2nd child, we have never seen her and until last week did not even know her name. She is 2 years old.

Dear Stepdaughter has informed everyone that they are not to give us her contact info for any reasons. We are to send gifts through Gramma. Our stand is that if she can't acknowledge us, no gifts will be forthcoming.

She has informed us that her children have been told that both of her parents died in the accident that killed her mother. Nice daughter, huh? Her words for/to me are not as nice as that. In fact, she has a violent temper and has threatened to kill me in the past.

Now, Gramma is flying her and the kids up here on Tuesday to stay for a week. The Gramma and Grampa expect Rich to go over there and visit with step-daughter and kids. Rich says that he will not see her without me and she will need to come out here on our home turf if she wants to see him.

We expect that she will attempt to come over while I am working one day this week, but he has said that he will call the sheriff if she shows up without notice.

My personal isometrics today were because I have been holding myself back from going down to Gramma's and beating the living crap out of her (verbally, of course). Today, Angie, my dear and wonderful step, was having lunch with Gramma and Grampa when she was told that she could come over to visit, but would not be allowed to talk about politics, family or even her faith around her sister, because it would upset her.

Back back story- Angie is high functioning mentally handicapped. She is loyal and loving. And would do NOTHING to hurt anyone else. Her sister has always been mean and nasty to her and threatened her with bodily harm if she told anyone. Furthermore, on Wednesday, Angie's usual day to visit and have dinner with Gramma and Grampa, she could come visit, but would not be allowed to stay for dinner.

I am hoping that I run across (not over, though that would be nice, too) Gramma at the grocery store this week. I just might have a few words to say to her...

Now, I really must channel this stress into a positive force. How can I turn this into a benefit to me?

Truly, as a former stress eater, I would take this opportunity to stuff my face with Chips & dip, cookies, ice cream.

Of course, that just added to my stress level!

Now I have a better way to deal with stress.

The bottom line is that I cannot control another person, but I can control me. I can control what I put in my mouth, what I do with my body and how I react to others in my life. It is THIS control that is worth it all. Because of MY choices, I have reached my goal range and am happy and confident in who I am. That makes everything else small change.

I choose to have a great week , and I hope you will, too.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I suggest you and Angie do something special together.
    1754 days ago
    Wow, God has given you a lot to deal with, on the other hand, I think you have handled it well and correctly. Nothing pisses off a drug addict/alcoholic more than someone abruptly cutting them off from there drugs/alcohol. Good for you that you stopped enabling those behaviors.

    Grams will have to learn this on her own, and how sad that she feels that she needs to control everyone around this sick women (who desperately needs to grow up), to make her "feel" better.

    I am so impressed with your success and the ability that you have to continue on even though you are in the mix with some pretty dysfunctional people.

    Oh and tell your husband that I said, dang dude you rock as a man/husband/father of a very sick and deluded child.

    Praying for all of you! This too shall pass,
    1754 days ago
    I'm so sorry your day was so bad (I'm reading this the day AFTER your post). I've spent a lot of my life living with the knowledge that you can't control or change another person, only how you react to them. You are only in control of yourself. My daughter decided she didn't want anything to do with me almost 3 years ago. First she mailed back the Christmas gifts I had sent her and her husband. Then she moved without letting us know or leaving a forwarding address, changed her cell phone number and email address and got a new job. She and her brothers got into some kind of disagreement when they were all visiting us and she was angry at me for not "taking her side" against her brothers. Since Rod and I had already gone to bed when the disagreement happened I wasn't about to take anyone's "side." She was hoping to get pregnant when I last spoke to her so who knows what she's telling her child, if one even exists. She's really a stubborn person and would never be able to admit the possibility that she took things too far so I probably won't ever see her again. My husband's two daughters have done similar things to him. We know where they live but they have no contact with us either. I think you have to be able to just take a breath, step back and realize that you can't control others or change their thoughts or actions. All you can do is try your best to not let the dysfunction of others cause you to return to unhealthy behaviors.
    1754 days ago
    Oh families are such a joy aren't they???? I have several similar stories but have also decided life is just too short. I cannot let them get me down. If they are wanting to act like jerks I have no time for them. I choose to be positive!
    1754 days ago
    I do hope things will work out. You are doing the right thing to stay out of it!!

    1754 days ago
    You are in my prayers, BIG TIME... I have a former son-in-law who is one for the books! Such pain caused with privileged access to our hearts! Handing it over to Jesus is the best way to combat this kind of demonic activity. Easy to say, but so very hard to do. "May the Lord bless you and keep you, may His face shine upon you and grant you His peace." JOY emoticon
    1754 days ago
    I have an evil younger sister who has a daughter we have not seen in 10 emoticon
    1754 days ago
    My goodness. You should write a book. Life is like a drama only if you become one of the actors. Don't play their game - you have proven you are way above that. No one can do anything to diminish what you have accomplished and are going to accomplish.
    Evil is alive and well in this world, but He has overcome the world. emoticon
    1754 days ago
  • DIANE7786
    emoticon It might be a good time for you, your husband and Angie to take a vacation and not tell anyone. You could stay in the next town and still go to work. Your husband's daughter has serious problems and grandma adds to the drama. It's sad but there's nothing your husband can do to help his grandchildren out of that mess. Whatever your husband says, no matter how nicely, will be turned around. There's no reason to visit an addicted, violent women who has made death threats.
    1755 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/1/2013 1:22:43 AM
    Wow! What a way to have to start your week! I agree with you 100%!
    1755 days ago
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