Lost Focus Completely
Sunday, June 30, 2013
By Focus I mean what I'm supposed to be doing.
Am I supposed to be maintaining? Should I gain some weight? Maybe a couple of pounds? Just to get my booty and curves back? DH is NOT Happy 1 month into maintenance and it's reflecting in our daily life.
Now I feel the need to gain. I've gained some already - very carefully and planned - 0.7kg up from last week.
Still not comfortable with all this. But what's the point if my other half isn't attracted to the new me? I mean, I don't mind being a bit heavier if it makes things spicy again between us.
But I'm now lost as to what the goal weight should be.
Even after the gain, I've heard him say that he doesn't see any difference. At this rate I will probably gain at least 2kgs before he sees a difference. I've already gained around an inch top and bottom and also the waist.
I'm a size 12, verging on 14 now. Just verging.
But it's not just that, I'm also getting cravings for bad things and with all this uncertainty I'm feeling less and less determined to keep tracking and being accountable.
On the good side, my portions are still the same, and I can't eat a lot of food, whether it's healthy or not.
I'm just a bit lost - before I was uncertain myself, if I'm liking this new flatter figure, and now he's come out and said it himself so I'm feeling even more uncertain.
*sighs* I don't know what to do.