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Last night with the Fri/Sat night group..was JUST what I needed! :-))

Sunday, June 30, 2013

emoticon Aha...if I can get out of my OWN way I can still manage to have a GREAT time!

I've been so stressed lately and with stress comes sadness and with sadness comes depression and with depression comes stagnation...and I don't even want to tell you where stagnation puts us...but it's not the place I want to be!

For you who read my blogs you know I've been debating and debating about pulling back from our large circle of long time friends. We have SO much history with this group it's been a long and difficult decision. Not one that I take lightly at all.

We get together almost every week at someone's house to have some appetizers and a few glasses of vino then the hostess lets us know the dining destination where she's made our reservations. Sometimes we agree as a group where we are going, and sometimes it's a surprise. She gets to pick if she does the hostessing duties.

Sometimes during season if the restaurants are too busy for such a large get together the hostess will cook the main course and then assign each of us a side dish. Most leave it up in the air...but I suggest what to bring because I hate having duplicates and I don't leave the lazy ones to chance walking in with a bag of dinner rolls. This group will 'skate' on cooking duties every chance they get! emoticon Took me a LONG time to figure that one out...but once I did...they KNOW...if you are coming to Bobbi's house for her MOST delish meals..you're going to pull your weight!

This circle has been together for eons. Some of us...for over 20+ years! emoticon That's a LOT of history for sure, for sure I know these couples like I'd know my own brothers and sisters!

The problem on our end is that this group is quite well off...most of them VERY well off..and we used to be right in the thick of it...taking European trips together, booking cruises, sporting the high life.

Then...it all came crashing down for us with the loss of our beloved son in 2006. Talk about a kick in the teeth change viewing the world! emoticon

We learned LITERALLY overnight that money and stuff and rank and position mean NOTHING in the overall perspective of life and those living it!

Without our beloved son the life we were leading, although with great prior zest and what we felt in our puffed up egos was QUITE important...we found out that there isn't a THING in the world that can replace someone that you love MORE than yourself. MORE than your stuff, more than your rank and file, more than ANYTHING!

Of course Josh's loss was a big blow to our group also...but let's face it...unless you have lost a child yourself...you are never going to really realize the impact that this event has on the grieving parent's being. Our criminal attorney friend...left brained all the way actually told DH a short 4 weeks later...that he was going to have to get AHOLD of himself and move on??? emoticon If you have a friend who has lost someone they love NEVER say this! DH has never felt the same about this guy since.

We truly lost our will to live. For a GOOD long time. I think we were almost considered wet blankets that sucked the 'high spirit's and 'livin' la vida loca' out of the gatherings.

We truly lost our any drive to DO, DO, DO, and BE, BE, BE, AQUIRE, AQUIRE, AQUIRE which understandably put an uncomfortable barrier between our group's consuming interests and ours.

This is a big lesson learned...wealth does not necessarily buy compassion.

With no family to speak of we felt somewhat abandoned by our long time buddys. It's a sobering feeling and we've experienced it for such a long time it's become much more subtle, but still it's always there. Poor Don and Bobbi lost their son, and then lost their wealth.

Ridicioulous...as if the housing bust didn't have a thing to do with the situation. emoticon

But....It's kind of like being kicked out of the sorority that YOU were the founding member of. DH and I along with our best friends are actually the ones who put the group together.

Now don't get me wrong every single person in our group DOES have a heart...it's just tightly guarded and wrapped up tight.

I guess to rise to the ranks of the super wealthy you have to have that all consuming fighting spirit and an over active protective self-preservation gene.

After all in the business world we know it's a dog eat dog world. I personally NEVER believed that...the hubs and I were always getting taken to the cleaners by builders that we worked for...but through HARD work and dogged dedication...we still managed to do well.

BUT...now that we no longer identify with those goals, nor do we any longer care about the so called 'game'!

We learned QUICKLY through tragedy...what makes the world really go round and it's simply LOVE. Love of family and love of friends.

It's hard to hammer that message home to a group that thinks if you don't TALK about bad stuff...and don't THINK about bad stuff that you will actually be IMMUNE to bad stuff coming your way.

For most of them...this theory has pretty well worked out pretty snazzy in their lives. They have their health, they have great successful kids, they have their social functions, and they have their big money.

I've been trying for a good long time to figure out where we fit in their picture other than the fact that we have history.

I've actually been debating about sticking with a few treasured couples and starting once again another social circle.

The last several times we've entertained for the group and attended functions we've felt more like it was work than leisure. I don't mean this in a mean way...once we GET there we are fine.

But...this has caused me big stress...everyone needs friends...and how do you tell friends that you've outgrown their silly bastions of success...and worse yet...would they even CARE if you have this point of view anyhow? emoticon I guess that's the more painful part of the process to ponder.

BUT...last night restored my faith in this group. Maybe it was because we weren't all there...when the group is a little smaller we seem to get along a little better. The women aren't talking over each other as loudly to steal their little circle of the limelight.

After yacking all week to customers who come in the consignment gallery I like a little QUIET conversation...not the usual...blather, blather, I I talk louder, I'm more important...and this is what I did this week that makes me SOOOO wonderful!

Told ya...big dysfunctional family!

This week I suggested we do games! This lets everyone participate, brings out the good ole' competitive spirit, and encourages some brain power too!

We had SO much fun...it was 11 p.m. before we knew it!

We played a form of charades where we split the girls against the guys and acted out movie titles. Being big movie buffs...the hubs and I cleaned everyone's PLATE! Too bad we were on competing teams. I guess we still DO have a zest for competition.

Then we did another fun game called OUTBURST which allows any # of people to play. I have that game here at the house...bought it YEARS ago to try and introduce to the group but everyone poo poo~ed the idea.

Well last night it got launched at our SMART hostesses' house and it will never be ignored again! At least if I can manage it! emoticon

This is just what this group needed. Less about ME and more about US!

emoticon for teaching old dogs new tricks! emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I'm glad you had fun with your friends. Nothing can make your pain go away, but a few moments of fun can make the pain easier to bear. I lost my son in June, and I've often wondered if I will survive. My faith in God and the love of my family is my greatest comfort. Best wishes to you and all those here that have lost someone. emoticon
    1758 days ago
    I so "second" what Sunny332 said. I'm also pondering similar things in my life. Pursuit of the proverbial bigger and better day through my own efforts has become a pointless goal. The harder you try the further away it seems to get. Then you realize your life is wasting away not ever being fulfilled. I'm so totally there. Friends included. Sincerity and truth is always best way to live. Still in deep thought after reading your compelling words. You are on the right track if you ask me. Blessings and peace to you..
    1804 days ago
    I so "second" what Sunny332 said. I'm also pondering similar things in my life. Pursuit of the proverbial bigger and better day through my own efforts has become a pointless goal. The harder you try the further away it seems to get. Then you realize your life is wasting away not ever being fulfilled. I'm so totally there. Friends included. Sincerity and truth is always best way to live. Still in deep thought after reading your compelling words. You are on the right track if you ask me. Blessings and peace to you..
    Oops. ... This got posted twice somehow... out of practice I guess. emoticon
    1804 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/13/2013 8:57:38 AM
    No one person can understand the grief parents and siblings go through when someone so young leaves this world. When my brother committed suicide, some people had the nerve to ask me why. It hurts. I know. As far as your friends are concerned, I'm glad you found a way to enjoy your evening together. I hope that can be kept up, otherwise, as you say, you might have to narrow your true friends to you which will make your life less stressful and more calming.
    1813 days ago
    Great blog....it's hard to work through feelings about friends.

    I think games are a great way to bring people together. I'm glad you had so much fun.

    1814 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon I am not surprised about the comment that lawyer made, but really some people have no idea!!! emoticon m
    Happy to hear you were able to enjoy the night!!!
    1815 days ago
    Fun, fun, fun! Never lose hope. I personally like to think there's a whole lot more joy to be enjoyed in our lives. - It's okay to wear rose-colored glasses.
    1815 days ago
    I'm really glad you had such a good time with your group of friends. I tend to like smaller groups anyway. I think they are more intimate and you can actually talk to each one at length rather than a little here and there. It's seems like you have started to outgrow your friends. They are happy and content in their own little world and have blinders on to the rest it seems. Maybe the gathering you had the other night though will be the start of a new trend with your group and that you will not have to give up your friendship with them.
    1815 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    1815 days ago
    Good job! I'm glad your friends didn't balk at seeing the world through your eyes. Sounds like it was tons of fun!
    1815 days ago
    Sometimes it's very difficult to make a decision on whether or not to clean out your closet, so to speak. The way I look at it is, if the situation causes undo stress and strain, remove yourself. Maybe instead of getting together once per week, only go every other week. Or you can make a real statement by only attending when the hostess is someone you really want to remain friends with and when others that have the snooty attitude host, don't attend.

    No matter what you decide, it will be for the best. But I think trying to create another group may make some feel they have to chose sides and it may be uncomfortable. Of course, being on the outside and not really getting the whole picture, I may be totally off base. I'm sure you will find the answer that will make your lives much better.

    Kudos for learning the valuable lesson that money does not buy happiness. I'm just so sad that you had to live through such a tragedy to get to that point. We haven't lost our own child but I feel like I can relate losing my daughter's finance last summer. He was a very important part of all of our lives and it still hurts. I don't know if it ever will go away but everyone keeps telling me it does get easier. I was raised mostly by my grandmother who lost a daughter at the young age of 7. She said she never really talked about it much until later years, when I was around. But I know the pain and grief it caused her for her entire life. To top it off, she lost a son when he was just 39. She definitely lived through many tragedies. I will never forget her stating that she was in a generation that lived through the great depression, two world wars, Korean war, Vietnam war, Dessert Storm and the war on terrorism. She was one tough lady!! Sorry to babble so much but my point is that as sad as it is, tragedy is what makes us stronger people.

    Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on my blogs. I enjoy reading yours and hope that you deliver some great news about winning your war with GMAC.

    1816 days ago
    Glad you had fun with your group. emoticon
    1816 days ago
    1816 days ago
    aren't you glad to have found out your "friends" were so shallow? glad you had a good time last night!
    1816 days ago
  • JUSTME29
    I'm glad you had such a good time, and it sounds like your faith in your friends is really renewed.
    1816 days ago
    I am gllad last night was fun for you Sweetie!! Hopefully you started a trend in the group and it will more about us than about me more often.
    1816 days ago
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    1816 days ago
  • DS9KIE
    glad you had a fun time
    1816 days ago
  • DR1939
    One of my faculty members had a young son die. He began having problems with his classes, complaints from students, etc. Some parent called the governor who called our president who called the Provost of Academic Affairs. She had both of us in and told him he had to buck up, that everyone had things to deal with, etc. I was really pissed at her. I spent a lot of time dealing with students, trying to get them to give him some slack. Things finally got a little better, but grief takes different times and courses for different people. You are right, no one really understands until they lose a child. Our 19-year old grandson was killed in an auto accident five years ago and my husband and I grieved in very different ways as did my daughter and her husband. The point is, all of these ways are legitimate and people need to be given time and space to heal. My daughter calls it the club no one wants to join.
    1816 days ago
    1816 days ago
    You will make the right choices. emoticon
    1816 days ago
    What a great success! I think I will try it the next time I have a group over -- most of my friends are not status/wealth driven, but I occasionally have one or two that dominated the discussion (either for political or status/wealth reasons). Charades or another game would be a great way of keeping the group socially having fun together emoticon
    1816 days ago
    Backing off and letting someone else leads has surprising endings and I think you found yours. I love the fact that "US" took center stage. Sounds like a delightful evening. HUGS!
    1816 days ago
    1816 days ago

    Not the same circumstances for me but about a year ago, I moved to a new area to redefine myself and my life. Being single, the decision was mine alone. I am now trying to make new friends and have a new life. It is very difficult so I can relate to that part of your blog.

    Your friends didn't change when your son passed away; you did. That's very difficult. I am glad that you are figuring out what friends to do what with! That will be special and fun. God bless you all.

    Love, Chelsea emoticon
    1816 days ago
  • SUNNY332
    I love hearing about your group. Yes, things change but hopefully, friendships stay the test of time.

    I just read a quote by Mother Teresa. She said;

    "God has not call us to be successful,
    He has called us to be faithful."

    When the roll is called up yonder, He is not going to be concerned with what kind of car you drove, what kind of house you lived in, what "prestigious" job you held. He will only care what you have done in the process of being faithful to Him.

    Stay strong and stay faithful.

    Hugs, Sunny

    1816 days ago
    The only advice I can offer you is to follow your heart. Money surely isn't everything. Be happy with those that make you happy and you can't lose.
    1816 days ago
    I am glad u had such a fun evening. I hope for u and hubby. the good times continue.

    I too lost a son and it is hard for anyone who has not to understand the loss of a child.

    1816 days ago
    I'm lad to hear that last night worked out. How wonderful. I hope you can start to make more of your gatherings times of joy and comradely!
    1816 days ago
    I'm so glad you had a great time with your group, Bobbi! We love those kinds of games, too! Hope you are having a nice relaxing Sunday, hon. (((HUGS)))
    1816 days ago
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