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Indecisive or Savvy?

Sunday, June 30, 2013

Within my BLC group, there is a little discussion about being able to make decisions, with some people maybe being envious of people who can make decisions quickly and seemingly easily.

I am not so sure that quick decision making is always a good thing. I've been called indecisive. But I prefer to think of it as weighing my options. I like to be sure there is no chance whatsoever that emotion or pressure from outside could be influencing me. Whether it is making a close friend, buying something or doing something, I often wait until everyone all around me is ready to give up on me ever making up my mind. But then I am unshakeable, determined and loyal.

I suspect my teammates who have also been called indecisive will find that if they look deeply into themselves, they have those qualities, too. And to them I say: those decisions you know you have made on your own are YOURS. And no one can take them from you. Is it then such a bad thing to be a slow decision maker? In those instances when you don't hold firm to your decisions, it's because you haven't taken the time to dig deeply enough or to settle your mind enough to know what your decision should be.

When I painted (which I haven't done in a while, unfortunately), I used to just leave the painting on an easel where I could see it but I wouldn't touch it for at least a week. It would be where I had to pass by. Where I could almost, but not quite forget about it, where it could practically enter my subconscious but then sometimes I could really stare at it. Across from the bed for a couple days, at the top of the stairs, across from the bathroom door. Since I did not hurry the painting, I was able to see if it was actually any good. Sometimes I decided how to finish and frame it. Sometimes I painted over it. After investing a lot of consecutive hours in anything, this kind of honest, emotionless appraisal is difficult to do without time.

If I have a decision to make, I may take it with me on car rides, on a run, as I go about my business, but I have trained myself not to make myself nuts by leaving it foremost in my brain. There's a trick to laying it just below the surface. Think about your brain and its folds and imagine a spot where you can lay this problem where it will be accessible when you need it but where it won't pester you. That's where you want to put it.

All that said - before you think I am the queen of Jedi mind tricks, I am still working at not worrying myself to pieces over circumstances over which I have no control at all. My current strategy is to decide on a date that I will revisit the subject of worry and to write it down and put it somewhere visible, like in my school bag. So when I start worrying, there's the piece of paper saying I'm not supposed to be doing that!

When I go to bed, I try to remember specific things about what I just read in a book on running, down to the page layout, the drawing of exercises and the numbers on the charts. And this seems to be working pretty well for keeping me from worrying all night. It's the daytime hijacking of boring lectures at school that are the problem, still.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Great blog! It does take a lot of restraint for me not to jump right in the middle of things and then have to spend time recovering from my errors. Allowing yourself time to develop and nuture ideas sounds so much better and more relaxing. It is really a form of respect for yourself.
    2086 days ago
    First of all, I love your worry strategy! I definitely need to do that. Sometimes it's hard to remind myself to just let it go for a minute.

    I think a lot of my indecisiveness is from liking too many things, but with the big things...yeah, I'm right there with you. I have to be sure I'm making a decision for me, because I want to, and not because someone or something else is influencing me. I've been there and done that, and it just leads to feeling bad and hurting and being unhappy with the call you've made.

    Anyway, great blog. Regardless of how or why we make decisions, we all need to understand our own motivations!
    2089 days ago
  • DEB9021
    I do a bit of both when it comes to decision making. Some things I make a quick go-with-my-gut decision, but other times I let things lie a while while I ponder. And I do the same as you. I will leave a post-it or some other visual reminder off to the side but where I will pass it regularly. I let the issue sort of sit at the back of my mind while I go on to other things. Sometimes I think I insult people by discussing something with them but ignoring their advice, because I am really just clarifying the problem and thinking out loud, not seeking advice. And sometimes, when I set something aside for a bit, it never does come to the front again; I will realize its just not important and I will toss out that reminder. Other times I do come back to it and decide, but I like knowing that I mulled it over for a bit before committing. I am usually not a worrier--once I've decided, I move forward and make the best of it.

    Great blog. Decision making is definitely unique to each individual, and you have to do what works for you. Much like finding a fitness, healthy eating, weight loss plan!
    2089 days ago
    Decisions decisions
    2089 days ago
    Great blog!
    2089 days ago
    Hmmmmm..... Now I can't decide how I want to comment on this blog! heheh

    Decision making is much easier for some people than others for sure. My DH for example, seems to quibble over very little. You ask him a preference on something, and he gives you an answer. That is of course, if it doesn't involve food and he's hungry! lol It might appear to others that he dominates me, but if the truth is told -- for a lot of things, I just plain don't care! Maybe that explains how we've been happily married so long! lol But seriously -- if I don't have particular preference for something -- why not let someone else who does make that decision?

    I love your idea of redirecting your thinking at night. I used to have a great problem with doing a total day's inventory when I went to bed. It was not good. It meant I would re-agonize over things that didn't go well and would keep up worrying half the night. I have now just changed the thought process on that. I do a gratitude inventory. It makes for a win/win situation. You either bask in the joy or you fall asleep!

    I always appreciate hearing your perspective! I've got lots to learn yet! emoticon

    2089 days ago
  • CHERYLA2012
    If it works for you, then that's all that matters. If someone needs an answer or decision by a certain date, then they need to state that upfront!
    2089 days ago
    Hmmmmmm - I often make snap decision - other times I mull it over before making the decision.

    I guess sometimes it's good to weigh all the options - but other times, well, the decision has to be made then and there.

    I read an article once about how many food decisions we make in a day - it was some crazy number, like 200-300 food decisions. And we don't necessarily mull those over.

    But buying a car, or changing jobs, or something like that - well, weighing one's options is essential!
    2090 days ago
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