Why am I really doing this? What am I after?
Saturday, June 29, 2013
I have several underlying motivations: 1) to get off diabetes medication (which they're only going to put me on this coming week!); 2) to be kind to my knees before they gey regularly resentful; 3) to take back the joy of my youth when I never saw my appearance as a drawback, had boundless confidence, and took joy in dressing.
While #1 is what motivates me most, #2 cannot be denied. And a little vanity can help.i looked at myself in my semi-clingy dress yesterday and had several reactions--wow! That new bra is Hubba-hubba! Wow! I can really see the loss at the waist--looks good! And, later in the day, from another angle--yuck! So thick (not in the good way)! Giant calves and arms! But redeemed the look by noting the difference the loss has made on my neck and face. I don't have a horrible relationship with my body--never did, even at my peak--but a tentative return to boundless optimism, confidence, accomplishment--I can really feel its stirrings. And the little bit of distaste is just an unfriendly byproduct.