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Owning up.

Friday, June 28, 2013

I know! It's not Wednesday, and I'm blogging.

Mostly because I felt emotionally strong enough to step on the scale this morning. 147.4. I'm up 5 lbs from my "okay, time to stop and spend some time maintaining" weight. Which means, I'm not doing awesome at maintaining... which I knew... but now I've got some hard numbers to look at and deal with.

I wrote in my food journal this morning, again...and that thing is going to have to be more prominint in my life. I may hate it, but it was key to getting my mindless munching under control before. So, I will just have to own it and do it again.

It means I've got 15 lbs to lose to get to my goal weight.
I've also ordered a two piece swim suit. Time to get some tone on!!! Actually, I ordered two. I'm going to try them on and keep one. I'm hoping to keep the first, but many of the reviews say not much support up top... so, we will see!


I've done 12000 steps during workouts both of the last two days. I've got some work to do to get back up to where I need to be, but I can do this. I can get back to 20K during workouts.

Although, I have been spending a lot more time staring at my naked butt in the mirror. I am, really coming to accept it. It's dimpled, wrinkled, weird looking, but it's mine. And the reality of life is, that NOTHING can change it. Even plastic surgery, while maybe lifting things, will never be able to change the dimples. I have some pretty dramatic cellulite. I have a few 1/2 inch divots in places on my rear (that's not a joke. The "dimples" really do go in approximately 1/2 an inch). Nothing is going to make those go away! They just are. And taking the time to look at my naked arse is helping me accept that this is who I am. My mom has them. My grandmother has them... it's genetic and I will never be a swimsuit model or have great legs, because of the upper thigh and tooshy dimples. And even losing a ton of weight won't change them. Not if I lose down to 125 again... they will STILL be there. This is my body. And I will love it. Even if it means spending a few minutes each day, every day, for the rest of my life, staring at my bare bum telling myself this.

We have no plans for the next two weeks of summer break.
It's going to be an adventure just putting stuff together to keep both ages occupied and happy.

Well, time to get my day actually going... since it's 11:16 and all. I should probably make a plan for the day!!!
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