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Feeling alone, betrayed, sad

Thursday, June 27, 2013

I'm on an emotional roller coaster. I feel like I give more to people aka friends than they give back. Not just things, just commitment overall. I treat people the way I expect to be treated and I expect a certain level of commitment & loyalty in return.

I feel betrayed when it's not reciprocated. I put out a lot of effort and go above and beyond and usually put others needs before my own. I get shafted in the end it seems. It happens over and over and I just can't seem to learn to change my behaviour. It's who and how I am naturally. I need to learn to hold back and do less. Also need to realize that some people are users and take advantage of me and are selfish and that I need to pull back in how I treat them.

Another thing is I share my feelings and thoughts with people who I think are my friends or that I can trust, thus making me vulnerable to them, sharing how I feel to the core, and I'm realizing they don't do the same. It's just one sided.

I need to reevaluate and rethink things and change my behaviour in order to protect myself. I feel like crap right now but how do I change who I am?

This whole thing is getting me down but I'm trying to not emotiona eat. I saw an ad on the tv for a double pizza deal and I felt I wanted it. I picked up my phone to get the # and I began dialing it, I stopped and reflected and thought of how it would undo the work I've been doing for the last month and a half. I didn't order the pizza and I felt good. Went and ate some air popped popcorn instead.
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    1786 days ago
  • CLEE2830
    RBlackwood21, I felt like I had written your blog. I have experienced the same thing, and continue to experience this, because I too try to be friends with people, give it my all, and then get stabbed in the back, or not treated the way I'd like to be treated. When someone I considered a true friend forgot my birthday for the 3rd year in a row, I sat back and reflected as to why I was attracting people like that, people who wanted to use me, people who did not truly care about me. Well, my conclusion was that I am a good person and I deserve better. Once I truly realized that, I don't "give" of myself anymore. I put me first. I know it sounds selfish, but I don't get hurt anymore.

    You too deserve better, and you should demand better. It saves a lot of heartbreak.

    MISSB8604 is right, real friends will show up. I hope you will give me a chance to be that friend to you. emoticon
    1792 days ago
  • KANOE10
    Good for you eating that popcorn and staying away from pizza. I hope you find some positive people in your life who value you and whom you can trust.

    1792 days ago
    Pixie98, your story sound too familiar to me. People are such users. I'm not saying sometimes I don't "use" people but it's mutual using LOL.

    Sorry about your mom Peachelle (hugs).Peachelle, you have a point with being overweight and feeling the need to have many friends or accepting people as friends and they don't deserve us. I feel so lonely and cling to people who really I shouldn't call friends.

    434Teresa, I thought I had one good friend and it's her I feel the most hurt about. I even cry because I never expected feeling so betrayed by her. And this is the thing, usually we take so much abuse, it takes one event, in isolation it seems to be not be a big deal, but when compounded it's enough to open your eyes.
    1793 days ago
  • MISSB8604
    I’ve been working on weeding out the duds in my life too. I’ve backed away from people whom I feel don’t have my best interest at heart and if I come across them I’m polite but offer no extra information about myself. I stopped opening up and telling everyone my business quite a while ago and have never looked back. Sometimes you have to just keep some things to yourself and keep living your own life. Life is too short to waste on ridiculous people.

    The real friends will show up eventually, it just takes time. I wish you the very best.

    1793 days ago
    In reading the comments posted here, I see that many of us have these same type of "friends." I have been thinking and reflecting on this and for me, I felt like due to my size, I should accept whatever friend possibilities presented themselves- you know, any friends are better than none at all. Unfortunately, this lead me into some bad friendships. I recently dropped a long time friend. When my mom died, she sent me this rambling message and it was all about her! I won't go into too much detail, but she has some religious beliefs that add to her drama. She told me that she had a dream that my mom died and that her dreams are never wrong, but maybe they were this time, as if this would have happened, I most assuredly would let her know. I was dumbfounded. I read the message to my husband and he was shocked she would do such a thing. She later tried to message me to make excuses. I ignored her and she later unfriended me. I won't say that I am a bit sad, but I am better off. Unfortunately, it took my mom dying to reveal her true character and the depths of her selfishness.
    1793 days ago
  • PICKIE98
    I had two of these s"User friends"

    I did exactly what you do" Gave rides, food, counseling, clothing..
    One "friend" I invited over for a big turkey dinner when I had no income, had major surgery, going through a divorce. I invited her to stay overnight after dinner, rented vids and relaxed. Before she arrived, she asked me if she needed to bring anything, I told her I did not have the money to buy rolls, biscuits,etc.. if she wanted them, she should bring them,, I provided turkey, potatoes, dressing, homemade pies, relish, two vegetables. It was just the two of us, as my DD was with her dad that weekend. I barely could pay my utiliites, but she made me feel sorry for her.
    She arrived with no food, we ate, she asked if I had bread or rolls!! I cleaned up, put everything away in the fridge,, we watched one vida and she said she had to get to bed early so she could get up for work the next morning. I gave her my bedroom and I slept on the couch.

    She could not stay awake to talk to me, but five minutes after she went in my bedroom, I heard her talking on MY phone in MY bed, to a guy we both knew. She talked for 45 minutes and went to sleep. She left next morning before I got up, refused breakfast.

    When I returned from work that afternoon, she had left three messages on my machine to see if she could stop by on her way home from work for some leftovers from last night's dinner!!!!!!!!!!! (I never offered them to her)
    She lived about ten miles from me, and worked about twenty miles from me!!
    I was so hurt, then angry,, I never answered her, BUT she continued to call for months,, she still wanted that food!!!!!

    She had previously invited me and my DD to a concert in the park, so we arrived, she was late.. Five minutes after the concert started, she left us to meet with the same guy she was talking to in my bedroom!!
    BIG TIME USER, BIG TIME LOSER! It was the first time in my life I ever dropped a friend.. I feel so much better for it ..

    1793 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/27/2013 2:42:19 PM
    OMG BlueAngelK. That's no friend at all. I am gonna have to try and do the same with some tests myself.
    1793 days ago
    I feel the same way with my friends. I am actually working at distancing myself from some of them so I am better able to say what I want and not be ridiculed for it. I did a test this past Monday. I went on a shopping excursion with a so-called friend. From the time we left to the time we got home, I didn't say a word. She talked for 6 hours straight and she didn't even notice. I am thinking this is someone I need to distance myself from. If she doesn't even notice when I am mute, why am I even there??? I know that my Sparkfriends are much better than my real-world friends. Let's hang together and share this crazy roller coaster journey!
    1793 days ago
    I have felt the same way in the past and have decided to let those people out of my life. Negative people will only bring you down. Wishing you good and positive thoughts. You can find a friend in me!

    1793 days ago
    You are already making changes in your behavior. The fact that you started to order a pizza, reflected on it, and decided that you did not want to undo all your hard work, shows you are making changes. I struggle with the same problem you do- putting too much effort into people and relationships that aren't worth it. Sometimes, you just need to walk away from these type of people. They are poisonous and can bring you down. You are worth so much more than toxic friendships.

    1793 days ago
  • 434TERESA
    One good friend is all you need. Its much better than 10 not so good friends.
    1793 days ago
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