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Ahhh Fear. I am stronger than you.

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Last night, my C25K schedule had me running for 8 minutes and walking for 5 (x2). Up until yesterday I hadn't run any longer than 5 minutes and I was worried about that 8 minute number.

Eight. Minutes. Surely I can't do that. I mean, 5 minutes still makes me want to die. This program MUST be written for someone in better shape than me!


Yesterday was kind of a mess right from the start. The bus going downtown only made one stop - the furthest from my actual place of work. I was late getting in, thankfully given our situation, no one cared. The taco salad I'd made myself for lunch (oh, yum) turned out to hit the 6-700 calorie mark (oh, oops). And then when I left, I went and waited for the bus where I thought it was going to pick us up.

It didn't show up. I ended up on a different bus going in the same general direction with no idea about whether or not it would actually get me within walking distance of my house. So I texted my husband and asked him if he could pick me up if I needed him to. No response. When I was dropped off, far enough from the house I didn't WANT to walk, but close enough that I could, I tried calling him. You know, just in case my laziness would pay off with a ride.

No answer.

I walked home. The dog was so happy to see me. The cats wanted food and I needed to give my one cat (the grumpy one) THREE oral medications. Yes. Three. I yelled at the dog and he went into his kennel and pouted and I got royally scratched by the cat. I don't know why, but he doesn't appreciate having a syringe stuck in his mouth and foul tasting liquid squirted down his throat. Crazy animal...

By the time I had that all done (and coaxed the dog out of his kennel to go outside and get fed), I'd eaten a handful of the leftover tortilla chips from the taco salad and I was sweating like I'd already been to the gym (stupid humidity).

I changed for the gym, all the while that negative self talk was circling in my head. "You can't run for 8 minutes. Just stay home. Look, there's a nice bag of tortilla chips to drown your out-of-shape sorrows! And then maybe we can go to McDonald's for some fries!"

I don't know why, but I was craving McDonald's like you wouldn't believe.

Maybe because it was EASIER than facing the fear and possible failure of going to the gym.

As I was stepping out the door, my husband pulled up. I stopped to chat with him and almost allowed myself to be distracted, until he kicked me out and told me to get myself to the gym and run the damned 8 minutes.

No sympathy.

So I went. And I felt good. I scaled back the incline on the treadmill for the run. I scaled back my pace slightly.

And. I. Did. It.


Seriously, I'm pretty sure after the first 8 minutes, I was grinning for the rest of the workout. And trying not to raise my arms like the champion I felt I was.

Yeah, I know. It was 8 minutes of running.

But it was more than that. It was fear. It was really negative self talk. It was cravings for chips and cheeseburgers and fries. It was proving to myself that I CAN do this. That I'm not a fake. That I am a runner. I am getting fit. I am strong.

It was accepting who I am becoming rather than falling back to the old comfort zone.

The old me would've quit. It is easier to give in to the fear than it is to face it and overcome it.

And here's the thing. I've been dreading tomorrow's workout for awhile. Ever since I looked ahead in the schedule, I've seen it looming there on the horizon. Run 20 minutes.

All at once.

No walking.

After last night? I know I can do it. emoticon emoticon

In exactly 1 month, I run my first 5K race. And I'm going to be ready for it!

And then? Mr Moose and I are going to go celebrate in Vegas. Well, it's not the 5K we're celebrating. It's more that he's going to actually have some time off and he needs a break. It just happens to be happening the week after my 5K. I told him we have to stay at the Mirage end of the strip (if not at the Mirage) because I'm TOTALLY celebrating with Chicken and Waffles at B.B. Kings.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Great job!! One of these days, I will attempt the C25K but not until my knee is healed. Congrats to you for making that big step such a success!
    1790 days ago
    Way to go! We're stronger than we think: I'm always surprised by what I can do.
    1790 days ago
    good job! emoticon
    1790 days ago
    What a great blog!!

    You are so much stronger than fear!! After that kind of day I am amazed you made it to the gym!! You are incredible!!!

    emoticon emoticon
    1790 days ago
  • MARY831
    Your blog is inspiring!! I am just starting out the C25k and I am sure that when I get to running 8 minutes at once I will be so proud! Heck, I'm proud of one minute at a time!!! emoticon
    1790 days ago
    Your blog made me chuckle a little. I love your sense of humor. I can relate to all of this, as I too have been running the C25K. I found myself dreading the amount of time I had to run;but doubting myself and even negative self talk didn't stop me from accomplishing it. So happy that you accomplished the 8 minute run. You can do this next run and the next and the next. Do not listen to negative self talk, just replace it with positive thoughts. I cannot tell you how many times I tell myself, "You can do this, keep going!" during my run. As best I can as I run, I try to sing to music, or just get lost in the words just to keep my mind from thinking negative thoughts. It seems to work. I make sure to have songs that are upbeat and help me to run. The other day, "Girl on Fire" seemed to be on of the songs that really got me fired up! LOL

    Anyway, You can do this!!!! I have faith in you and I am here to support you, cause I too am in the same boat as you. Stay strong. You are a runner, YAY.

    Have a wonderful day
    1790 days ago
    Wonderful blog. Congratulations. I totally understand your feeling of elation. I remember, when I first started run/walking. I was not on any program, just learning to jog. I decided to push myself a bit harder each day. The trail I ran on had tenth mile markers, and I decided to run as far as I could. I got to the .3 mile mark and couldn't have been happier with myself. In hindsight, such a small distance. But, each time I pass that little .3 marker these days, I remember.
    So, I know where you are coming from. Congratulations to you. You have much farther to run in your future. Keep up the good work!
    1790 days ago
    emoticon I am so proud of you!!!!! You did it and you will do the 20 minute run too!!! Remember I have been there and I felt exactly like you, but I did it and you can too!!!

    One thing that helped was breaking down the longer runs into 5 minute increments. I ran the entire time but each time I finished another five minutes I patted myself on the back. Before I knew it I had finished the 20, 25, 28, and then the 30 minute runs this way. It may sound silly but thinking that I only needed to get through the next 5 minutes was easier than thinking I needed to get through the next 20 or more minutes. emoticon
    1790 days ago
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