FRACKTHATNOISE

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Day 370 - Back to Work

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

I mean this blog title in every single sense of the word.

I'm back at work today. Back to the grind. Back to everything...

I'm back to tracking food and exercise minutes, too. So what if my only exercise is in the form of walking. Well, I'm going to walk the crap out of the world until August. I WILL TAKE ALL THE STEPS.

Some of you mentioned that it was a little weird that I didn't seem all that concerned about my eye in the last post and a bit overly concerned with any weight gain. You see, the only thing I feel like I have control over right now is my weight. I can't impact whether my retina heals quickly, or if race directors give me back my money for the races I can no longer do (It adds up to around $250), I can't control if my eye heals correctly, and I certainly can't control the overall outcome. The only thing I can control is what I eat. I can't even control my exercise or my lost fitness.

In short, I feel very, very out of control.

My eye's health is going to be what it's going to be. My recovery is going to take as long as it's going to take. The estimate previously was that I'd be down only until the beginning of July. Now it's looking like it'll be until the end of August. It's all about how well my eye produces the fluid it needs to disparate the air bubble put in to put my retina back in place. Until that happens I cannot run, jump, swim or otherwise play. I can walk and do and exercise bike; but, it's just not what I -want.-

So, in short, that's why I was just so focused on not gaining weight because of this - because I've already lost so much. For example, I'm no longer the lead on the Australia project and I could no longer travel there even if it was requested (due to the bubble.) I've lost out on the opportunity for my first Triathlon and Marathon. I feel like I have no independence because I can't drive (no depth perception.) I can't even lift anything over 20lbs.

So, yes, I'm fixated on weight and food. I know it's not healthy, but it's all I can control.

Alright, back to work. Where I can read for an hour before I have to give my eye a break.

I demand you guys tell me what you're doing to be active so I can live vicariously through you!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • BRADMILL2922
    Hope you have a quick recovery.

    I did yoga and some walking today.
    2301 days ago
  • POMATOJUICE
    Thanks for taking the time to explain! I can totally understand that now! And please understand that I am coming from a place of concern and worry when I tell you: Don't overdo it! I've read a lot of blogs here on spark where people talk about all the weight gain from a medical problem that knocked them on their ass for Xweeks or X months, but don't go too far the other direction and make yourself neurotic and starve! :O

    Today, I did my 45 min on the bike and decided I could go just a little longer. So, I added 7 more minutes!
    2301 days ago
  • JAHINTZY
    TAKE ALL THE STEPS!!!! hehehe I totally get the urge to focus on what you can control when the rest of it is not controlable.

    but for vicariousness sake... I got some swimming in on sunday after a great weekend of camping, I'm hoping for another swim tonight and plotting ways to get to the beach again soon for... more swimming lol On the landlubbers side of things I'm looking forward to this saturday - some college friends have taken to organizing an annual "field day" where we get together and pick teams and wear matching colored shirts and compete in three legged races and water balloon tosses and long jumps and tug o war among other school field day type activities. It should be great fun.

    I really hope your eye does what it needs to do so you can get back to normal life!
    2301 days ago
  • SCRIPTEDFLIGHT
    I hope your eye heals well and quickly, and in the mean time I hope you are encouraged with how far you've already come and what you still can do (e.g. walking).
    2301 days ago
  • IACTA_ALEA_EST
    Best wishes for speedy recovery!
    2302 days ago
  • 1EMMA2011
    I think you are doing great. I think you have a plan and are working your plan. Setbacks in life require adaptability. I think you have adapted and are a strong woman. This too shall pass - it's frustrating and just part of life. Good for you! I feel proud of how you are handling your situation. I live in a very hot climate. I'm focusing on getting to the gym and lifting weights for the summer. In the fall my plan is to kick it!

    emoticon emoticon
    2302 days ago
  • OLIVIANIGHT
    Well, this morning I did my bodyweight ladder circuit: squats, push offs, crunches, sky divers and burpees - 20 reps of each, then 15, then 10, then 5. You're supposed to go back up the ladder again and do 5-10-15-20 but....that's a long way in the future right now.
    Enough vicarious exercise for you? Man I hope your eye sorts itself out soon.
    2302 days ago
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