Day 370 - Back to Work
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
I mean this blog title in every single sense of the word.
I'm back at work today. Back to the grind. Back to everything...
I'm back to tracking food and exercise minutes, too. So what if my only exercise is in the form of walking. Well, I'm going to walk the crap out of the world until August. I WILL TAKE ALL THE STEPS.
Some of you mentioned that it was a little weird that I didn't seem all that concerned about my eye in the last post and a bit overly concerned with any weight gain. You see, the only thing I feel like I have control over right now is my weight. I can't impact whether my retina heals quickly, or if race directors give me back my money for the races I can no longer do (It adds up to around $250), I can't control if my eye heals correctly, and I certainly can't control the overall outcome. The only thing I can control is what I eat. I can't even control my exercise or my lost fitness.
In short, I feel very, very out of control.
My eye's health is going to be what it's going to be. My recovery is going to take as long as it's going to take. The estimate previously was that I'd be down only until the beginning of July. Now it's looking like it'll be until the end of August. It's all about how well my eye produces the fluid it needs to disparate the air bubble put in to put my retina back in place. Until that happens I cannot run, jump, swim or otherwise play. I can walk and do and exercise bike; but, it's just not what I -want.-
So, in short, that's why I was just so focused on not gaining weight because of this - because I've already lost so much. For example, I'm no longer the lead on the Australia project and I could no longer travel there even if it was requested (due to the bubble.) I've lost out on the opportunity for my first Triathlon and Marathon. I feel like I have no independence because I can't drive (no depth perception.) I can't even lift anything over 20lbs.
So, yes, I'm fixated on weight and food. I know it's not healthy, but it's all I can control.
Alright, back to work. Where I can read for an hour before I have to give my eye a break.
I demand you guys tell me what you're doing to be active so I can live vicariously through you!