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I don't want to be the experiment I want to be the success story...(it's long, sorry!)

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

"I'm Mikey and I'll be taking you to your room from the recovery area. Don't forget my name, ok?" he said with a smile as he wheeled my gurney to the C wing of Stanford Hospital.
The nurses hooked me up to various machines as Mikey started to wheel the gurney out of what was to be my room for a little bit. "What's my name?" He asked. "Mikey" I said. "Thanks for the lift" I smiled back.

I've just come home from a 10 day stay at the hospital. I accepted the challenge of another round of treatment, and it was a rough pill to swallow (darn you Neo. I should have taken the blue pill).

Within that time, I had 3 different neighbors in the private room next door to mine, but I remained. Part of me wondered if I could get my mail delivered there? Could I get a P.O. Box? I had been there too long, and all for not.
But I have to keep pushing forward with my health challenges, for my goals - ALL of them. Can't give up. Can't stay down. Can't let the enemy defeat me.
I need a cure...

I was told that like with chemotherapy treatment for cancer patients, you just don't know if it worked until its complete. Maybe next time?

I still feel completely wiped out, even two days home from the hospital. I have to remind myself that I had a picc line put into my left bicep to administer drugs. I had wires and tubes in my spinal space to pump in the treatment drugs, experienced the loss of use of my legs for a day (scary!), and a general lack of mobility entirely. My forehead literally glowed red from them taping the pulse oximeter to my head for days (which made it hard to turn my head). And to add insult to injury, I was just plain itchy 24/7 from the heart monitor leads stuck to my torso. I guess this explains the copious amounts of sleep I've been requiring since I got home. Snore snore...

I watched faaaaar too much of the (various) Housewives while there, but secretly loved every second of it. Some of the nurses I met (from two and even three trips ago) would linger a bit just to catch some of the botox gossip with me. Woohoo!
The nursing staff, room service staff and even housekeeping were all just so amazing. I'm truly blessed. And heck, some of them were giant goofballs like myself, which certainly made my stay more pleasant.
Yes, I brought a beanie hat shaped like a red velvet cupcake and my monkey head beanie (to cover my dirty hair. I had to add some humor to my days, right?)

Even the guy who came in daily at 5:00 AM for a blood draw was nice. Note: don't call that guy 'the blood fairy' like I did. Apparently he didn't like that. Well shoot, he WAS kinda like the tooth fairy, right? Better than calling him a vampire, no? Ha!

I logged onto Spark as often as my hands would permit, and smiled from ear to ear upon opening Spark goodies. All of you lifted me up and kept me strong! A HUGE thank you from me to you.

I had visits from friends throughout my stay, and the constant loving presence of my husband, who lifted my spirits often. He brought coconut milk for my coffee, and food from our home freezer (fresh berries!). He made calls to my doctors when necessary and earned a mighty sore back from trying to make the most of an uncomfortable chair, just to sit at my bedside. Yes, I am truly lucky.

One of my favorite nurses handed me my discharge paperwork when I was changing out of my attractive hospital gown . "Goodbye friend" she said. "We will miss you, but not enough for you to rush right back". I agree!

Summary of my recent treatment:
Suck-y part: telling my friends, family and even my bosses that this was an epic failure, and I am in just as much daily pain as when I left them for more treatment.
Sweet part: no surgical accessories shoved into my tooshy muscle. Had this treatment worked, I would have agreed to have my doctor implant a pump device to administer drugs 24/7. Lots of side effects, and lots of worry that I didn't necessarily want.
Well, I was too thrilled about going home to be sad with all of this. I'm sure there will be time for tears at some point.

One of the sweet housekeeping ladies came and asked if I was going home. I was happy to tell her yes. She disappeared for a minute and then came back with three long stemmed flowers for good luck, and then she blessed me.

As someone wheeled me into the elevator to meet my husband outside at his car, I saw Mikey wheeling another patient down the hallway. "Goodbye Mikey" I said aloud. He turned around fast. 'You remembered my name!' he said with a goofy smile. : )

So now I will do my best to heal up, gain some strength, and stick to the path before me. I'm excited to workout again, even if only for a little bit. I'm thrilled to be home.
It's too easy to cave in to throwing myself a pity party, overflowing with junk food and wine. I know that will only push me further from my goals. Gotta be strong and deal with my demons head on.

This was a failed treatment, but I am thankful for so many things that lead up to today. And I'm especially thankful for those blessings in my life that I'm not even aware of. Things could have gone worse.

Remember how I accidentally came home with spoons last time? I found a handful of salt and pepper packets in my purse organizer pocket. What the heck is wrong with me?!? Ha ha ha!

'Nuff said.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    emoticon I am happy yo are home too my friend.
    Lots of love to you.

    2117 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon wishes!! emoticon emoticon
    2120 days ago
    Glad you are with us.
    2120 days ago
  • MISSB8604
    Girl, there are no words to describe how absolutely amazing you are.
    2120 days ago
    Bren, you are one in a million. In a million different ways. Thanks for sending ME a goodie when you are the one who deserves a million goodies!

    emoticon Home.
    2120 days ago
    Glad to hear that you are home. Sorry to hear that the treatment didn't work.

    I would rather be referred to as a vampire than "the blood fairy"

    I know that a positive attitude can be tough, but you really are keeping one.

    " What the heck is wrong with me?!? Ha ha ha! "
    * If either of us could answer that about each other in a single blog response, we probably wouldn't be SparkFriends.

    emoticon emoticon

    2121 days ago
    2121 days ago
    Welcome home, Sweetie! emoticon

    So sorry to hear that all of things you went through, was a fail. I know there was no other way of finding out if it would work any other way, but still!

    Get your rest. Staying in a hospital is not a restful place to be. Too many interruptions.

    I wish you the best.

    Oh, by the way, (yeah, I spelled that out), I'm done with the home schooling bit. She wrote her last exam yesterday. YAY!!


    2122 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    Glad you're home but so sorry that this was an epic fail. At least you tried and that's what it's all about. You are emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2122 days ago
    I'm so glad you're back home, Bren! Enjoy the comfort of your own house and keep only the good memories of this recent "adventure" of yours. The great people who made it bearable. The people who loved you (how could they not?) and I'm sure they meant it when they said they'll miss you.
    Big hugs sent your way!
    2122 days ago
  • CANNIE50
    Good gracious, no wonder you are exhausted! Of course they loved you - you are quite lovable. I am a bit disappointed you did not post a picture of the red velvet cupcake hat but it's probably just as well - I am sure it would cause giant cravings. So glad you have such a good man in your corner. Oh, honey, I wish they could do more FOR you and less TO you. oxoxoxo sweet pea
    2122 days ago
    You are a blessing and a treasure. I cry after 48 hours in the hospital. I think of you often and all that you are challenged with but there is no room for pity, only admiration. Thank you for being here and generously sharing your journey with us. It is a real privilege.

    emoticon emoticon

    Can't wait for the victory lap............it's coming!
    2122 days ago
    I love that you at so positive and seeing the good people who ntook care of you... great nursing staff makes all the difference in the world! I hope you can catch a break for awhile and that the next time, the treatment will work!!

    2122 days ago
    Glad you're home!
    2122 days ago
    emoticon emoticon 'Nuff said.
    2122 days ago
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