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Irritated with Myself and the Scale

Monday, June 24, 2013

Well, here I am at 200.6 lbs. I started this last year at....201 lbs. My highest weight ever, and here I am again. My pants are incredibly tight, half of my shirts don't fit, and I am angry at myself and life being unfair. I'm going to start my blog with the unfair part of life and then move on to what I can do.
I have been soda/sweet tea free for over 6 weeks. Also, I changed my breakfasts at work from being 50% doughnut (I don't even like doughnuts but getting up before 4am makes it hard to pack lunch sometimes) and 50% oatmeal to nearly 100% oatmeal. I have added in some walking, 10-20 minutes here and there. Not a lot, but more than I was. Also, I have been taking my lunch to work 75% of the time compared to always eating out over a year ago. What I choose for lunch isn't always the healthiest (can you say PBJ!), but it is certainly better than a hamburger and fries. Having said all of that, I still eat very little vegetables and also eat a lot of my meals at restaurants. Often, I will eat a part of it and give the rest to my husband or take it home.
Which brings me to a 2 lb weight gain in 6 weeks for my small efforts. I wasn't expecting anything huge, but I was expecting a loss of some kind (hello? a pound even!). When I started on the soda thing, I had two people tell me of friends of theirs who lost serious weight by cutting out soda (and one guy also changed doughnuts to oatmeal, too). I think one lost 30 lbs in a year and the other like 50 lbs in a few months. I am sure they drank more soda than me, as my estimate was about 300ish calories a day on soda. The problem is they were both GUYS. Which leads me to my husband. He has half-heartedly kicked soda with me, meaning he still drinks one or two a week. Often he will have a beer or two with supper instead of the water that I drink. He also eats whatever I don't finish on my plate. And he has lost some serious weight in the last month. He hasn't gotten on a scale, but his pants are loose as is his wedding band. He was excited yesterday that he is on the last notch of his belt to keep his pants up, and although I congratulated him I was crying on the inside. He asked how the NO-SODA thing was going for me, and I had to admit I gained weight. I want to cry right now just typing it. It's not like I was expecting to go down a size, but I wasn't expecting to gain weight while my husband was the one to lose a size. It's as if my body WANTS to be 200 lbs. It seems to hover there no matter how much or how little I eat. And being 5ft tall and 200 lbs is NOT A GOOD THING.
Ok, so the Unfair rant is over. Although it IS unfair, I have to be honest about myself.
Let me type what I ate this weekend, if I can remember. This is normal fare for me. Has been for years. I eat like a man, because I am around men mostly. I also eat faster than anyone I have ever met, except my own father. And we all know what eating fast does to a person, besides heartburn----weight gain.
Friday: I worked.
Breakfast: Oatmeal and coffee. The quaker instant kind that has fruit and nuts in it.
Snack: Chobani flips Greek yogurt in coconut (omg these are sooo good. The store is always out of them).
Lunch: Taco Bell. Let's see......Nachos Bell Grande no tomato and a steak soft taco no tomato. And unsweetened tea.
Snack: I may or may not have had a 100 calorie snack in the afternoon at work. I don't remember.
Dinner: Frisch's Big Boy (you know, the sandwich with tarter sauce), fries with tarter sauce, and of all things a hot fudge sundae. And tea.

Saturday and Sunday I did not work:
Breakfast: Some sort of microwaveable breakfast burrito and 1 piece of toast with butter.
Lunch: Scotty's Brewhouse. Fried pickles, 3/4 of a spicy steak sandwich, and waffle fries. But don't forget I drank tea! Ha!
Dinner: A microwaveable chicken pot pie from Marie Callendar's. And Chobani flips keylime yogurt.

Breakfast: A cinnamon roll and coffee.
Lunch: McD's. Gross. Fish sandwich, fries, TEA.
Snack: 1 glass of Oliver's Honey Peach wine.
Dinner: Husband attempted to make a beer can chicken. Ran out of propane while grilling. Decided to finish it in the oven. It wasn't done enough for me (which led to an argument, but I'm not eating chicken I don't think it done enough). So....I had a plate with mashed potatoes, grilled corn, and baked beans. And a piece of strawberry cheesecake. And water. Don't forget water.

NOW, let me re-explain why I am overweight. It's not because life is unfair. It's because I choose to eat crap. Ok, so it works for the guys to make a small change in their diet and still come out losers. It does not work for me. In fact, I think I have been eating more since I cut out the soda. I am hungry all the time (although thankfully that has stopped about a week ago). I hate, hate, hate cooking and going to the grocery store. I actually do not like to think about food until the exact moment I am too hungry to make a good decision.
I was sitting here thinking about how I lost 10 lbs last summer. I can not think about how I did that. What foods I ate (or didn't). I don't remember what I changed.
I have to quit feeling sorry for myself (most of the time. It's still hard to see my husband do it without trying). And I have to find a plan. My work schedule sucks and my days are not similar, so I can't take gym glasses or get a routine. I know that is part of the problem. But, I have to find something that works, because I will never lose weight if I don't.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Don't let this get you down. You can do this. I know its hard right now but you can do it. I think talking about it helps. I know the pattern your in because I have been their it is so much easier to say yes to the bad stuff. You can do it.
    1792 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/27/2013 3:02:15 AM
    I am glad to see you talking things through! I know it may not be the case for everyone, but it really helps me to lay everything out "on paper" to see what I can do to change things.

    And I do see some positive changes in your diet! I'm sorry that the changes with your body haven't been positive for you, though. It isn't impossible to eat well if you dont' want/like to cook, etc. It's tricky, for sure. But there are ways to figure it out!

    I can appreciate that there are plenty of foods that you don't like, so you might not like my suggestion at all...

    But the thing that's worked the best for me without sacrificing the types of foods I like to eat is counting calories. Yeah, it can be a pain in the ass. I've been doing it so long that it's become second nature to me now, though. I track every day! Personally, I don't like Spark's tracking system at all. If you have a smartphone, I would suggest getting an app. The only bonus to having the spark app is being able to get your food up on your account here. I don't care about that too much, so I don't use spark's at all. I use a free one called Fat Secret Calorie Counter.

    If you decide to give it a shot, I'd suggest just tracking things for a few days to get used to it. Don't worry about how you're going to change your food or any of that. Just track for a week and see what your average calorie consumption is. You may find other changes you can make that way, without having to make drastic changes to your diet :)

    Keep up the water and the unsweetened tea! Don't go back to soda because of this! You are still doing good things for yourself, so don't give up because of this setback! I believe in you! :D
    1794 days ago
    You are being SO good and smart right now laying all of this out. You KNOW what you need to do, you have come SO far cutting out soda - that is a BIG step! Now you just have to keep walking forward and making more small changes and you'll start seeing change in your BODY soon! I used to loathe the grocery store and cooking too, and you can ask my BF about the tears I shed, but practice does make you better and I still have moments but once I nailed a few healthier options, it became easier. YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!!
    1794 days ago
    You can do it Kelly, I'm in the same boat. I just think my body wants to be 240, i hate it too. I try really hard to never compare to the men when losing wieght. They can just lose it faster, continue on with what your doing and it sounds like you are ready to make some changes. Me too. Let's comtinue to do it together!! you rock!!
    1794 days ago
  • NIKKIS1388
    Hi Kelly, I'm also experience a time where I'm being extremely tough on myself. Slightly different - I've gained weight and feel like I've given up everything I've worked for. The culprit is the same though, no consistent gym schedule (new job) and eating what I know I shouldn't.

    My suggestion to help combat some of it - always make your breakfast / lunch and morning snack the same. I know it sounds boring but consistency helps build routine. You'll know what your calories are for more then half your day and it is easy to pack earlier in the am if your always grabbing the same things. Have fun with dinner.

    Don't get down on yourself, we've all been there. You and I can get out of our own way and make progress. Good luck!
    1794 days ago
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