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The thing we fear the most is I CAN.

Friday, June 21, 2013

Now i know some of you are wondering...what the heck do you mean Gwen? Fear of success... It's the GREATEST fear out there... It's easy to to fail... because by and large, it's expected. It's expected we will have bumps or hurdles in the road... Look at how many times many of you, self included, lost weight.. to only put it back on.. the yo yo effect.... We failed.... and then what do we do? We beat the SNOT out of ourselves emotionally.... crumble our own self esteem until we're a puddle of nothing... How do i know this...Because i've done this to myself... and very recently...

Now i can hear most of you going WHAT????? But you're a spark motivator! Yes i am.. and it's my job to be brutally honest. I DO FAIL.. I DO at times beat myself up over this.... My recent pulverization came by the way of my training for Ironman Lake Placid... A couple of people i know had been riding me pretty hard about my training... And i won't lie.. it IS physically intense... But the ONE THING they forgot to tell me how EMOTIONALLY intense it is... The questioning of self and abilities... and if you let a couple of naysayers get into your head... well,, like me... you spend a couple of days crying.. nothing but sobbing and tears running down my face as every fear came rushing out of me.... and the biggest one was: I CAN... AFRAID because i was doing this... I never did this with my HIM... but IM... is the biggest of all races.. WHO AM I to think i can do this.. WHO AM I to think just because i completed 1 cycle of IM training am going to do this again. And then that's where the panic sets in... I AM DOING THIS! Holy cow i AM getting the 18 hour workout weeks DONE... I AM getting better on my swimming and cycling and running...GULP! PANIC! And that's when the predators hop in.. the people who belittle your accomplishments, try and negate everything you've done to worthless... I'm succeeding and it scares the POOP outta me...

WHY? why do we fear success that much? Is it because we feel there is nothing left after?? I"m here to tell you...there is.. After every mountain of success there is always going to be another mountain to climb... whether it be weightloss, a new job, an new relationship.... It's what we take from that last mountain and push forward into tackling the new that defines us... For me.. it was facing my biggest fear: success.. Now i realize there is a possibility of not completing this racing and "failing" at it. But in the end.. It's JUST a race.. the journey to that race has had a ton of ups and downs. And for my naysaysers... I just have to say.. THANK YOU... those 2 days of sobbing all day was very freeing.... It allowed me to get back to enjoying training, enjoying the long rides on my bike... one thought i had yesterday while biking 80 miles is.. i feel very at home here.. this is where i'm meant to be.. peddling on this bike. DOING what i love.. I haven't had that feeling in awhile. Belief and more importantly faith in oneself.

So as you look into your day and are filled with self doubt about ANYTHING .... do me a favor... just think I CAN... I CAN be a better person today, I CAN make better food choices, I CAN...

For me today, my I CAN is going to be simple: I CAN...believe in ME.

ROck on sparkpeople... Make it a GREAT DAY!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    We can and we will! Hear us roar! What a motivator you ARE indeed!
    1552 days ago
    it never matters what others think it is your what you think that matters several in my running group have done the ironman it is quite an achievement keep working at it an this accomplishment will be yours.
    1764 days ago
    to everyone who's asked.. yes i do have positive people in my life.. people who lift me up.. who remind me daily how much of done.. despite the odds... this journey has SOO been worth it.! :)
    1765 days ago
    1765 days ago
    1765 days ago
    LadyG.. it costs me nothing to toss out a casual "you can do it" because I know very little of the sacrifice and dedication it takes to accomplish this level of training. What I will say is that your determination to do this is nothing short of epic. There are very few who have the courage to pit themselves against one of the toughest endurance events on the planet but the things that you are learning about yourself, new abilities that you are discovering that you never thought you had, and the strength that comes from facing down your fears every day makes you a PRIME candidate to become an Ironman.

    I am getting a tiny taste of this with my 70.3 prep. One thing that i have learned is that the longer you are out there on the course, the more there is that can possibly go wrong and running the scenarios through in ones mind can make your head explode. Dare to succeed, dare to shut the mouths of the nay sayers and most of all, dare to prove to yourself that your worth is beyond measure.

    You CAN.
    1765 days ago
    IM training is the accomplishment. That is serious work and dedication. I imagine the race is the reward. You ARE doing it!!!
    1765 days ago
    You're the best Gwen you can possibly be! And as for "the people who belittle your accomplishments, try and negate everything you've done to worthless"...I would hope you have few people in your life like this and hope that you stay far, far away from them!

    1765 days ago
    Thanks for sharing
    1765 days ago
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