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Tuesday, June 18, 2013

So I mentioned to a friend that I was going to go and pick up some clothes that I had taken in and she sent me an email saying "I hope I don't hurt your feelings, but because I love you.......and then went on to say that I needed to focus on gaining weight and not be so concerned with getting fat. I took it with a grain of salt as I know my body and how small framed I am. As you all know my normal goal is 11o and I have maintained that for many years. I now weigh like 106/107 and feel great at that weight. I think I also look good at that weight. So I love this friend and I know she was only concerned for me health but funny thing as I watch her get heavier and heavier and she drinks way, way too much. I am concerned for her but I would never say anything to her as I don't think she would take it the right way. I just worry about her too as her father died from drinking and you would think she would be more careful. I bet too that she doesn't have a healthy BMI and is considered overweight. My BMI is 19, considered healthy.
So I wonder, does my friend want company at an unhealthy weight?
I do hope all my sparks buddies are having a great day.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • CIRANDELLA look great, your BMI - at 19 - is entirely healthy, and you feel good at your current weight. I believe this is a matter between you and your doctors, and there's nothing more tiresome - and prevalent, unfortunately! - than unsolicited advice, particularly from people who aren't aware of the entire picture of our physical condition. Your friend sounds like she's got her own struggles, and her time would be best spent by devoting her efforts toward those ends... You have a wonderful attitude, are a kind person, and deserve only the very best. Ignore her nosiness, but if she persists, let her know that you're satisfied with your weight - in short, "Thanks, but no thanks!" emoticon
    1799 days ago
    I think it could be 2 things... Maybe she's a little jealous that you have the "problem" of needing to have your clothes taken in d/t your recent weight loss and/or, as you put it, wants "company at an unhealthy weight", so she doesn't feel so awful about herself and her own struggles.

    Or, possibly, her note is sincere and she is worried. You have been ill for awhile and seeing your weight loss, although just a handful of pounds, might seem scary to her. Although you (or I) would have kept our mouths shut, maybe she's operating from a different place, and believes she's displaying love and thoughtfulness.

    The important things is, Sallie, you know your own body and what weight is OK for you, so whether you are 105 or 110, as long as you're happy and satisfied, nobody else's opinion- other than your doctors'- really matters. :)

    Glad you are feeling better and good that you handled your friend's e-mail with class. Continue taking care of yourself and enjoy your upcoming trip with your family!
    1800 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/19/2013 8:19:12 AM
    Thanks for sharing this! I think we all have that one friend who doesn't want to intrude but......

    Have a great day!
    1800 days ago
    That is not a very nice comment. Anyway friends
    should encourage each other. Don't take any notice
    and just know that you feel good and healthy at your
    current weight and that is what matters to you.
    I think it is a great idea to take in the clothes you
    already have and feel comfortable in. Go Sallie!
    1800 days ago
    Don't worry about your friend's comments. It just sounds to me like she is very unhappy with herself!!! Continue as you are and everything will be ok!!!!!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1800 days ago
    I believe the BMI says it all. That's all I'd remember. There ARE those who want company in their own situation, but you've been there, done that! You did that for yourself. IF it's important to her, she will too (as far as both weight and drinking go). So, best leave it alone and just continue on as you are.

    HUGS and glad you're continuing to feel healthy. THAT is what counts.
    1800 days ago
    weight doesn't really matter it is all about how healthy our bodies truly are. as long as our doctors are happy with our numbers and our test results then the rest shouldn't matter. I am glad you were kind to her .
    1800 days ago
    There is such a thing as weighing too little. However, if your friend is overweight she probably doesn't have a realistic view of how little is too little.

    My take: Let your body tell you when you weigh too little. Mine gives me subtle hints when I drop below 160, so I try to stay above there. Where the upper limit should be is less clear to me; 163? 165? 170? I just don't know.

    May you maintain in whatever range is comfortable and lets you feel great!
    1800 days ago
    Good thing that you know what you need and want and are not swayed by well meaning but misguided friends.
    1800 days ago
    Probably just let it drop. She may not think before speaking. I am going thru a lot with a friend right now. She has so much going on in her life and I worry about her constantly. I just check in with her daily to see how she is doing. I am not going to advise her on anything, I am just her listening post, which is something she really needs right now. She has made remarks to me and I just let them roll off as I know she does not mean them as they are coming across
    1800 days ago
    Chances are that your friend like many of us (!) actually has a skewed perception of what a healthy weight/bmi IS! So maybe there is a combination of distorted thinking along with the noticeable difference in size between the two of you. The fact that you are of a slender INTERNAL build would mean that you need to weigh less than someone the same height but with larger frame. YOU know what is right; YOU are on top of things. Ah, how I would LOVE to again be a BMI of 19. And guess what? Your being there is not something that makes me envious or a fact that lures me to fatten you up. No way. I'm sooo pleased you are healthy (ah, yes, at last!) and are setting an example for those of us who still journey on the happily-downward direction to which our journeys' tracks lead.

    Yup, you lost the weight but continue to monitor, track and blog -- showing how reaching a goal is NOT the end. A healthy example for us all. And your friend? Well, for whatever reason she is off-base, she IS off-base. And she did express that she cares, so... maybe a nice little chat about BMI's, health benefits, and all the Good Stuff might help her not only understand that you are just doing fine but also that if she wants, she can infer some options for her own changes...?

    1800 days ago
    Hi handled it with CLASS....tempting to say something back...but maybe letting it go would be the best. (((HUGSS))) Callie
    1800 days ago
    I believe you handled the situation very well
    1800 days ago
    BMI is a much better indicator of a healthy body than the scale, your's is great!
    1800 days ago
    Shes probably got a totally different body image. If she's looking at herself and thinking 'normal', then in comparison, you must look very thin to her. Whatever you say, while she's seeing what she wants to see, and not whats actually there, you're never going to win. You may have to either carry on shrugging it off, or quietly lose her.
    1800 days ago
  • LIS193
    Being a true friend she is most likely concerned about you after having been so ill.
    Thank her for her concern and tell her you are feeling better and that you are focused on health rather than weight, which by the way is in the healthy BMI range
    Leave it at that, she probably knows very well she needs to work on her own issues...
    1800 days ago
    With all you've been through you're a healthy BMI and a sound weight and you're gaining back your health.'d think she'd be happy for you.
    Maybe she should look closer to home!

    Have a great day Sallie emoticon
    1800 days ago
    People can be very weird at times. I remember before all the TV shows on weight loss and sites of this nature, there was a young man who was killing himself with food. He decided to take matters into his own hands and with a friend helping him with his nutrition and bed exercises (that is how big he was). When family and friends heard he was trying to lose weight they brought over cakes, pies, pizzas, etc. and tried to discourage him. He stuck to his guns and lost a little over 500 pounds. Most of his family who were still very heavy would not even talk to him. I told him nothing wrong with adopting new family that was happy for you. I haven't seen him for 20 years, but wonder what road he is on today.
    1800 days ago
    The better you look, the worse she looks. Keep up the good work. emoticon
    1800 days ago
    I think you should let her know how you feel about her comment. And since she was letting you know how she feel about your size, now would be the time for you to let her know how you feel about her size and her drinking too much.
    1800 days ago
    If she's just focusing on the numbers, she could get concerned, but you look great - not unhealthy. (and you've been fighting an illness!) You've got the right attitude... let her comments go.
    1801 days ago
    She is too focused on you and your health to see what she is doing to herself. You have the right attitude. You wouldn't want to hurt her feelings but maybe her doctor should get involved. HUGS!
    1801 days ago
  • ROCKMAN6797
    Sad but I think that might be the case Sallie. Good for you for brushing off the comment and thinking it through. You work very hard to be where you are at and nobody should take that away from you.

    1801 days ago
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