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Monday, June 17, 2013

mad,angry,sad,i will put this down here,i know you will listen and understand,i planned my wedding for a month n youngest daughter knew,she never once offered to help or ask or take an interest,ok,but then i get married and she sees photo on facebook n knows we did it,no comment no gift ,no card no call,then the next day my beloved cat dies,no note of im sorry or any mention to me or on her page or a call about oh im sorry the cat died and or how was your wedding,gee thanks,nice kid,im so done trying to have a relationship and hurt :(
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    1739 days ago
    My mom has 3 kids from a previous marriage. I'll spare you the long story but the gist is that she was married to a not-so-nice man and left him back in the late 60's-early 70's. At that time she was what I would call a weak (emotionally and maybe physically battered) woman. So she got the courage to leave but had to leave the kids behind. She did her best. Got a house close by, tried to see them, etc. She was shut out by the ex and by her mother-in-law. She was maybe selfish in that she moved on, but that's life. She continued to try to maintain a relationship with the kids but constantly hit a wall because of the ex/MIL. Eventually, she met and married my father, had my brother and then me.

    I grew up with both of my parents, they are together 40 years later. So there has been a lot of jealousy from the other 3 kids. My sister came around quickly and has always been in our lives. I love her like a whole, not half, sister. The other two (brothers) have basically spent the last 40 years resenting my mother. They'll let her in, and then shut her out. They'll let her get to know their kids, and then tell her they don't want her in their lives. It's horrible. I feel so bad for her. One minute she has hope, then they basically tell her to f-off.

    What I told her is this: you have spent the last 40 years trying to make it right. You spend all of this energy trying to make it work with the kids who want nothing to do with you when you have 3 kids who adore and love you. What a waste of 40 years, no? So focus on the people who love and care about you and screw everyone else. That was basically the gist of my advice. I don't talk to either 1/2 brother and don't really care to. I know that one day, when my dear mother passes, they will probably show their faces and I will tell them: too little, too late. But that is something that THEY will have to live with for the rest of their lives.

    Congrats on the wedding :)

    I am so sorry for your loss. I cherish my furry companions and I understand how difficult it is to lose them. I'm so sorry.

    1754 days ago
    So sorry you lost your fur friend but happy for you that you have a FOREVER friend now !Congrats on getting married!!

    1781 days ago
    Congratulations on your wedding and deepest sympathies at the loss of your cat.Why don't you come and post on the Team "A Lifeline of Sparkies" I see yiu have joined the team but we don't see you on the discussion board the girls are really kind there . Keep your chin up !
    1794 days ago
    m emoticon m emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1796 days ago
    Congrats on your wedding, but sorry about your cat. As for you DD, I've gone through that and can only say to try to let it go. Not worth letting it rain on your parade.
    1797 days ago
    emoticon on your wedding and emoticon on your cat. When kids disappoint us it's very difficult. It sounds like you need to take care of you! You can't control your child anymore, but you can do what is best for you. As parents all we can do is hope that the lessons we've taught "sticks" when they are adults. It's her choice.

    Hang in there and know that you did your best. The rest is her choice. emoticon
    1797 days ago
    Sorry your daughter is treating you so badly. it hurts when any one treats you this way but when its family and a daughter it harder. I am sorry and pray that things improve between you and your daughter emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1797 days ago
    You are in thoughts and prayers
    Take one day at a time
    Love peace Bernice
    1797 days ago
    I am so sorry you have been hurt....family are the worse...because we have higher expectations and they have a tendency to take us for gratins. I have a step daughter that treats us this way... I don't expect much....but I know it bothers my hubby. Being a man he does not say much.

    My advice for you is ...don't expect much and you will not be let down.....and if you do have a chance to talk or want to talk to her call her....she is still your daughter.....Or more importantly YOU ARE STILL HER MOTHER ...you do have a right to know what is happening....

    She may have feelings of betrayal of her Dad....since I don't know the details, I do not really know. This is kinda normal even in grown children.... the only way to find out where her head is ...is for you to make the move. Pray first that you release all the pain and hurt you are feeling and just talk. If it don't work then you know you did all you could.

    I am sorry about your sweet fur baby...someday the pain will leave and the good memories will shine through. I also wish you the best on the marriage....everyone needs someone to share life with....God Bless!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1797 days ago
    Isn't it great that you can vent and all these wonderful people really care about you and send their good wishes for your wedding and condolences about your beloved cat and sadness at your daughters behaviour. I'm so glad you feel comfortable to share these things as heart ache is a terrible thing.

    Sorry this has happened to you, thinking of you. emoticon

    Country Living Team

    1797 days ago
  • OOLALA53
    Try not to take your daughter's behavior as a comment on you or even your relationship, though it may be. I know I was not the daughter my parents dreamed of, and I went through too much time blaming things on them. It takes a lot longer these days to grow up.

    In the meantime, count your blessings! A weight loss some can only dream of, as well as a marriage. At age 59, I've never been married, and though I do my best to deal with it, (and beleive me, I've put a tremendous amount of effort into relationships) I (mostly secretly) feel a little hole in my heart over it. But you can't force love! And I love hearing that you have come full circle and are happy. Maybe I'm just partway through my circle!

    Congratulations and continued happiness on that front.
    1797 days ago
    1797 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/17/2013 4:45:35 PM
    If she has been grumpy at you, she may have blocked you on FB and was totally unaware of anything happening in your life. I know my youngest daughter blocked me for a while when she was being grumpy. What was nice is that when she unblocked me, then I discovered she had made a turn around in her life and is now a faithful Christian.
    1797 days ago
    emoticon I know that feeling as I had that sort of relation with my mother but it was the other way she just did not want a relationship with me at all her thoughts were only with my young brother who does not even talk or contact me.I have an older brother and a younger sister but you would think there was only me as none of them contact I have tried.
    1797 days ago
    I don't know where to start or what to add to all the good posts here so I will just say congratulations on your special day! What a blessing to have a love in your life to share your ups and downs with. I am sorry about the way your daughter has responded. It sounds like she is in a very self-centered stage in her life and I hope that one day she will have the desire to turn that around and have a caring, giving relationship with her mother. I know I have my own regrets and as I look back I wish I had been more proactive to be there for my mom when I was a young adult and she was going through difficult times or even made a bigger effort to be a part of her life by bringing the kids to visit etc... Now that my kids are young adults and I have my lonely moments I can relate to some of what my mom must have felt even though she was always looking out for us kids and not selfish with our time at all. She only wanted the best for us.

    As for loosing your cat, take some time to think over all the good memories you have. It is such a sad time; they are like family. I lost my pup last November and I still am always thinking of her. My fourth child, lol.

    Blessings to you,
    Karen emoticon
    1797 days ago
    1797 days ago
    WoW! Congrats on the wedding! Condolences on the youngest kid. Keep up your good work!
    1798 days ago
    Sorry to hear that. Some kids are just that way, my stepdaughter is almost 15 and acts like that everyday....I just hope she straightens up into adulthood. Sorry to hear about your cat too. I know I miss mine dearly. Congratulations on your wedding. Despite certain situations, I wish you two many blessed years to come.
    1798 days ago
    I'm so sorry this happened. I don't have any words. Congrats on your wedding and your new life! Concentrate on what is positive and the love you DO have in your life. And I'm very sorry for the loss of your fur baby. That's always so hard.
    1798 days ago
    1798 days ago
  • CECE0330
    Family relationships can be soooo hard. I was estranged from my mother for 7 years before she passed away 2 years ago. Given her personality, I don't believe there is anything that could have been done to salvage our relationship, but I have thought & thought about how I would handle something like this with my OWN daughters, god forbid it should ever come to that. I guess I would hope that whatever the circumstances, I could be honest and simply have a chance to communicate how I'm feeling to them; hurt, sad, whatever else. All you can do is try, and if that isn't getting you anywhere, understand that sometimes it's healthier to step away.
    1798 days ago
    Congratulations on your marriage! So sorry for the death of your cat! As for your daughter, it appears that there are some real issues going on between the two of you! I pray that you and she are able to work through them, but if not I pray that both of you are able to go on and live happy productive lives!

    1798 days ago
    Congratulations!! Time heals all wounds
    1798 days ago
    Congrats on your wedding, and I can understand how you would be hurt because we do want our children to share in our joy but sounds like she is going through some pain of her own..... Hope you two can work things together give it time.. let her know you still lover her and always will.

    1798 days ago
    First, congrats on your wedding. I wish you many wonderful years together. Now, I'm so sorry about your daughter. Daughters can be so complicated in their relationship with their moms. I know I have all kinds of issues with mine. May I suggest you sit down and write her a letter. Tell her how you feel and how hurt you are by her actions and non-actions. Don't send it. Keep it for a week or two. Reread it, add things, delete things and then keep it for another week or two. Try to make it non-accusatory but a good explanation of how you feel. Kids need to know we are human too and have feelings. At the end, tell her she is your daughter and you will always love her but you may not love her actions. Then, ask her to get in touch with you when she is ready and you look forward to hearing from her. This way the ball is in her court and you can relax, knowing you did what you could. Lastly, I am so sorry about your cat. I know how much I love mine so I know this hurt. Good luck!!!
    1798 days ago
    Kids are tough. Let the pain go, and revel in the joy of your wedding.
    I've been there. I divorced 10 years ago, and remarried 7 years ago.
    Second marriages are tough on kids. Lots of emotions to deal with.

    1798 days ago
    Congratulations on your marriage, and my condolences on the loss of your beloved cat........I wish for the best for you and yours! Hopefully one day your daughter will come around before it's, as the saying goes, "too late".......

    1798 days ago
    I am sorry that you are having such a hard time. But I want to congratulate you on your marriage.
    1798 days ago
    My mother was like that all my life. She was forever giving me unkind words. There is so much that she did to me, that I am not emotionally in a position to say here what all happened. About 10 years prior to her passing, she told me that she never wanted to see me ever again. I was fed up hearing all her negative commands that I agreed with her and never saw her again alive. Attended her funeral. Sent her funeral flowers. She was a very strange person.

    You may have to do the same as I did. Quit seeing your daughter. I found when I stop seeing my mother, the stress in my life was reduced.

    Sorry to learn of your cat's passing. Pets are family members too and can be deeply missed.

    Congrats on your marriage. You have a new beginning here. Treasure it and value it. Take care of your new life like a garden. Nurture it and it will bloom. Of course life does have its struggles - so do gardens.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1798 days ago
  • .DUSTY.
    Sounds like she's very angry.

    I'm sorry about your cat.
    1798 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/17/2013 3:14:10 AM
    Your in my thoughts....so sorry to hear your hurting....Many prayers sent your way.. emoticon
    1798 days ago
  • 9CATMAN9
    Hi Angel.....you're not alone...first, so sorry about your cat..I know how hard it is to lose a"friend. My "Sparkname" I use is because I lost two beatiful cats in a divorce. And congratulations on your wedding. I pray for your happiness and joy. Your children, unfortunately, and for reasons unknown have dissapointed you deeply. When my ex wife decided to have me removed from my house...she planned to make sure I never would be able to see my kids again. I raised them from infants by working a night shift for my engineering firm and caring for them during the day. All so she could work her "dream job" at a prestigeous country club. After she started having an affair, and my 2 boys were in high school, she hired a lawyer, made up stories about had me "legally" removed from my home and family so she could freely carry on her affair. Its been 2 years and I've been unable to see, speak to, or contact my kids in any way. My younger son was "able to call me if he so desired." Nothing...not a call..nothing.
    Today was fathers day...the second one since I've been with my kids. So I know what its like to be ignored...treated like you don't exist. I need to move on but my options with my kids are nonexistant. I'm 60 so thinking about having another family isn't an option either. I'm not looking for sympathy...but rathe I share your sorrow, disapointment and frustration. Enjoy your marriage...maybe your kids will grow up and realize the error of their ways. But know you're not alone.

    Peace, prayers and joy to you, Scott
    1798 days ago
    You are not alone one of my daughters is like that and I have had to toughen up. My eldest prefers to do things with her adopted father and his wife rather than with her biological Mother, that hurts lots after everything I have done for her, free child care but now she is 12 I am not needed.
    You have to say enough is enough and although it hurts all your sorrow is not going to change a thing so think of yourself and blow them. They will need us before we need them.
    CONGRATULATIONS on your wedding and put them first as at the end of the day who is going to care the most.
    Sorry to hear about your cat. Try and keep smiling. emoticon
    1798 days ago
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