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this is hard

Sunday, June 16, 2013

I am on spark people early in the am looking for motivation- I am pretty consistently about 300 calories above my limit most days and struggling with the exercise. I have been in this funk for about 3 weeks- Ironically right after I had a loss of 7 pounds at WWs.

I always say life never gives you what you are prepared for and I have been going through that with my young adult sons- nothing horrendous- just things that are a trigger for me and make me feel sad and not in control- which of course I am not. Overall I have just felt kind of blah which has probably been influenced by the rain we had for a week. But there are sometimes lots of little disappointments that add up to a lot of sadness. If I didn't have my clients and my job where I feel like I am doing something worthwhile and valuable- I would probably feel worse.

Anyway I was reading some old blogs and message boards and there was a posting from somebody- who fitness came easier for and she was very critical of her relatives who she perceived as lazy and just not trying to lose weight- and the title was "I just don't get it."
I never usually respond to these things- it was 2 or 3 years old originally but there were responses on there from this year.
How I responded was with the information that for many of us- overeating is an addiction- if you are as old as me- you have probably been deep in it at least 30+ years. I work with MICA patients- people who have mental illness plus an addiction to something-drugs or alcohol etc.
Many of the things we tell them to do to get well are made so much harder with food-
obviously we can't just stop eating, we can't just stop going to the grocery store. Every day at every meal or occasion with food- our resolve is tested. Yes we plan our food, we plan our activity and try to get our brains ready but it is hard- there is never a break.

I have made many changes and have lost 50 pounds- ( which should make me very happy but makes me greedy for more loss.) But when something happens- I am feeling depressed and can't figure it out, the accumulation of many little things or sons who present me with challenges I feel somehow responsible for- my addiction comes to the forefront and says- "I'll make you feel better when you are lonely and sad- just ignore all the sensible things you know- I will calm you down and take care of you"
Is this influenced by other things in my life that aren't so great? of course but so is everyone else in their lives.

So what is my point- who knows- just know that if you are struggling and feel like you are stuck- just try to keep trying- keep coming on, write or read about your feelings- it does help.
Any kind of addiction is a terrible thing- and its hard work to keep it under control but reaching out and trying to help others does help ourselves-we can get better. emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You describe it so well... down to that little voice in my mind soothingly saying it's ok to give in again and again! The little struggles that add up... taking on everyone's problems in the family and feeling I alone can and should tackle them! We are our harshest critics, we let our mind drive us harder than any bully would. Change is difficult but it is possible, bad habits can be broken, we can change the way we think and we can find a healthier outlet for our frustrations. We just need to keep the faith, be patient and keep sparking.

    1773 days ago
    Yes - reaching out does make you feel better. Even if all you say is "I know how you feel, & I hope it gets better." (I do.). Your blog summarizes why SparkPeople exists. Isn't if funny that even in SparkPeople there is a lack of understanding about emotional eating and food addiction? Even my family, who are supportive of my efforts do not "get it". It is complex, but it can be managed. emoticon emoticon
    1773 days ago
    I agree....I'm working on it...and I have done well, but I still have moments...when food seems to call me and I feel like I need to eat but don't know why. I've been able to control, but realize that a binge is just a choice away! Thanks for posting...
    1773 days ago
    When I feel like I want to binge at home from boredom, the only thing that brings me back to life is SPARKING, so I get up from my comfy chair and I start to SPARK. I read blogs and comment and I stop by and visit SP friends, and I read articles. It puts me back into the frame of mind I need to be.

    BRAVO to you for doing what you need to do to stay focused as well. Hang in there, Stay strong !!!

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    1773 days ago
    Hey, thanks for commenting on my blog. I'm so glad you "get it". And you did hit the nail on the head. Food is an addiction and emotional eating is self-medicating so that is one thing I'm really looking into and dealing with. I've had my self esteem crushed over the last few years and only now am I reclaiming that part of me, and that work has affected how I'm doing on this journey - it's been helping. Keep trying....words to live by!
    1773 days ago
    Hear Ima resounding "AMEN!" to your last sentence "Any kind of addiction is a terrible thing- and its hard work to keep it under control but reaching out and trying to help others does help ourselves-we can get better."

    I was well into my fifties before I realized that I actually was faced with an addiction to foods. That enlightenment made a huge difference in how I approach food shopping, preparing our meals & in my eating choices.

    I believe that you are so very blessed to have the insights you already have at such an early age.

    I am rooting for you to succeed in all areas! emoticon emoticon

    God bless!
    1773 days ago
  • 1EMMA2011
    I have young adult sons and can relate to exactly what you are saying. There are times when it is REALLY tough.

    I'd love to know more about your job. Sounds like a career I would enjoy!

    One of my sons has 2 sleep disorders and is ADHD Inattentive. When people call him lazy I tend to feel frustrated and stand up for him as well as I try to educate them.

    Here is something I have learned that may or may not help you. I've learned what my "weaknesses are" - one of them is feeling "psychologically" responsible. So I work on letting go of these things in various ways. One big way is to use my Strengths of reading, visualizing, achieving, thinking and relating to others. Reach out to me if you want to learn more (email is great!!)

    We have a lot in common.

    Please let me know if I can help you in any way!!

    emoticon emoticon

    1773 days ago
  • LISA579
    I agree with you wrinting your feeling and being hinest does help.As for people who dont get why we are the way e is an adiction and umlike other addicts we cant stop eating. We have to learn to view it as fuel and not something to make us feel beeter. You can get pst this difficulty.
    1773 days ago
    I see you don't have a food tracker in operation. I promise you that making that visible will help keep you truer. Its hard to think what to advise you when I have no idea what you are eating. But I'll take a flying guess and suggest that you eat 5 - 6 meals a day and make sure you eat lean protein with most of your meals and snacks....whether its nuts and fruit for snacks, or yogurt and fruit or egg and toast for your main meals, chicken and salad etc. The cleaner you eat, the more veggies you eat, the rawer you eat......the less likely the sabotage. Hope that helps you. You are welcome to look at my food tracker for tips. I've lost 14kgs in 3.5 months.
    1774 days ago
  • AUNTB63
    We all have trials and how we deal with them is key to moving forward. Your idea of keep trying is commendable. If we don't keep trying we will never reap the benefits of our efforts. Controlling our addictions is a hard road, but we keep working that path everyday. This was a great blog and I might add inspiring to many. emoticon
    1774 days ago
    Think you said it all. I have tried to find something else to do when I just feel like snacking.. sometimes works.. sometimes doesn't.
    1774 days ago
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    1774 days ago
    Great blog - well said!!

    1774 days ago
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