Friday, June 14, 2013
I don't so much like writing blogs that are a drag but as I try to turn things around for myself these days if I am waiting for things to be really good again and fun...I have no idea how long the wait will be!
I have started having insomnia again. I used to get it years ago before Quintessa was born when I was in great turmoil with my family (parents and sibling) and my emotions. I had gone through a very long period of therapy and not had it seriously again until now. Each week I have been having more and more days of it...sometimes I think it is over and then I get another bout. This last one has lasted me almost a week going on one or two hours of sleep a night. Basically I am a mess the next day and walking in a stupor...only to find that as tired as I am I cannot sleep again the next night.
What am I thinking about? Up til last week it was nothing and everything. I was worrying about life in general...the kids, the move, the new job...anything or sometimes nothing and I just felt like I was in a bubble. Then...last week I was shoved over the edge into full on panic attacks. Why? Mr. Crabby Pants... but perhaps now we should call him Psychopath Sam.
If you recall, when we moved out he sent us an outrageous bill for about the equivalent of 2000 USD. It was unreasonable and ridiculous and we stated that we would not be paying the bill for normal wear and tear. This sent the matter to some kind of mediation company. He had a certain amount of time to respond. Well...last week he responded. He is now claiming that we owe him more like 10,000 USD as well as possible plane tickets (2 sets) if he just happens to be out of the country in South America with his associate if we set a court date and he has to be called back. In other words, if we set a court date he will happen to have airline tickets that we will have to pay for at that time...to the farthest location that he could think of!
He crawled around his house taking pictures of every scratch and piece of hair behind the appliances. He rigged photos to make things look dirty that we did not look dirty...he said we broke tiles in the floor which we did not and he could not find a suitable replacement so he had to re tile the entire floor. He said the house was unlivable and unrentable. The thing is...he moved in after we moved out AND has a tenant. (My old neighbors told me) He is forcing us through some kind of legal battle and it is so nasty (his pictures make it look like the house is a pit) that the original person who was helping us has backed off. Our neighbors won't help us either because they are afraid of him. Our company is still helping us at this point by helping us draft a letter in response and the realtor says he is infuriated and that the man in insane because he did the walk through and signed off that the house was in fine condition. He says that he will stand up for us in court but Norwegians stick together and I don't have faith in that really. Maybe...but not for sure.
Everyone says he has no case and that this has reached an absurd level. He stated in a letter that he blames our children and our parenting for the condition of the house ...that we let them run wild with no structure or discipline. He states that he had asked us to control the noise from them on numerous occasions...complete lies. He always said how great they were and that the noise from the children was wonderful. There were other lies in his letter attacking us personally.
So I have lived through this kind of thing before...with...guess who...this brother of mine who has just passed away. He had a panache for wreaking havoc in the lives of those around him. He would become unhappy for some reason with me and try to get me fired from jobs...working tirelessly at it. He would get in trouble for threatening my father with a pipe that was actually a piece of a lamp (I had given him the lamp...to use as a lamp) and he threatened to drag me into the court stating that I gave him the weapon. He once was traveling across country bringing my and his belongings from college back to where we would be living for the summer with my parents and got cold one evening on the trip so he burned my things to keep warm. He would steal my car so one night before finals (I needed my car to get to my exams the next day) I hid my car just in case...he banged on my door all night long threatening me and keeping me from sleeping. I managed to get to my first set of exams in the morning but my parents called me and said that he had been harassing them about it during that morning and I needed to hand over my car so he would leave them alone. They paid for a taxi for me but I lost in my battle to be stronger than him. I always lost my battles in those situations...always. Why? Because people like this make life so incredibly uncomfortable for everyone around them that they just want it to go away and they give in just to make it stop.
So my brother is dead now. The funeral was fine but the time home was disturbing because everyone wanted to pretend he did not lead the life he did. Now that he was gone he was thought of as funny and caring, loving to animals and someone who like to garden. Anyway...that nonsense may be for another blog...maybe. But now that he is gone another person with a strong personality disorder has reared up larger than life (in the way that they do) and threatened me and my family. The thing is...do anything you want to me...I can take it...been through it already but now it involves my family and trying to drag us all down.
So I know logically that he probably won't win...or won't win the whole 10,000...he shouldn't win any of it. The thing is my emotional state was not so strong to begin with and this has just caused overload. The anxiety that was once my constant companion but had taken a vacation is now back. My strength wavers everyday and I feel as though I cannot see how to get back to feeling happy and in control again. Normal even. Patrick has taken over most of handling this, knowing that is so hard on me but it is not so good either because he is tired and worried too. We are foreigners here...we don't understand all of this and what he has the right to do and what he doesn't. We will get help from our company and perhaps the realtor...yes...but people like this are excellent at scaring everyone off...they don't want him getting stuck on them.
So here I am. I have the day off...again. I have started to run again. My thought is I have to get some of these fight or flight chemicals out of my system because they are building up. Adrenaline I suppose. It helped the other day but now I am sad and sore. :-)
So letting you know...in a bit of a tailspin but my logical side knows this can't last forever...it will end...and the sun will come out again.
p.s. As I wrote that last phrase I just realized that the sun is actually very much out and sets this time of year for only a few hours here and insomnia is hard to deal with when you are staring sunny clear blue skies almost all night long.
Member Comments About This Blog Post
My goodness Ronna. No wonder you are not sleeping. That is absurd that he signed off on the apartment with your walk thru and now he is causing these problems. I hope the court will see it your way. I do hope things will improve for you and quickly!
1769 days ago
I sure do dislike seasons as this! I have had them as well, and they are difficult, no question about it. Run, run, and run some more as needed. It helps work out anxiety and the physical exercise should help a bit with the sleeping. And remember, "Mr. Crabby pants" can't control you, he can attempt to but can't. Remember Ronna, you know what really is going on, and you can live in peace despite outside "attacks."
You are in my prayers!!
1769 days ago
Hey Lady, like the rest, I sympathize with you and wish it would fade away. Mr CP is a bugger for sure.... also agree that the restaurant's lawyers should have a go at him soon, while the realtor is still willing to be your advocate. At least get his statement!
Have you tried blackout curtains? I have trouble sleeping and bought the curtains, - which do work! My issue is the birds are so happy, they share the joy at 4:30am!
Thinking of you and praying things even out very soon.
1769 days ago
Sorry you are having a rough time. Psychopath Sam needs to be stopped from doing this to you and your family. I wish I knew someone who could help you out with this.
I hope you will be able to get some rest soon. Have you tried yoga? Yesterday I saw an article that said it could cure insomnia. I'm going to look for that link and send it in Sparkmail for you.
1770 days ago
I've suffered from insomnia all my life, so I know exactly how you feel. One practical suggestion -- do they make those sleep mask things in Norway? At the very least, the midnight sun won't be keeping you awake.
As for your psycho ex-landlord, God bless your employers for continuing to help you deal with him. He's clearly unbalanced, and it sounds as though you've got witnesses to that effect.
Please give yourself and the family a bunch of big hugs from me!
1771 days ago
Well, well, well. I am just so very sorry for what you are going through AND for what you have been through. I hate, hate, hate that you are reliving your past as well. I was worried about your trip back to the states and visit with 'family'. I honestly hate to say that you are making em grateful that I have not reunited with my family. i have considered it. But yours is far more unacceptable than mine (again, I hate to say).
I am afraid this will be long. I feel i have a lot to say. I so much wish I could help. First, I would attempt to come up with a plan. That is what helps me. Although I know you hate to I would meet with the lawyers, explain the situation and ask for further assistance. After all you want this behind you as quickly as possible so you can focus on your new and wonderful life (not be dragged back into drama). I am certain that your new employer knows this is NOT your doing. It is simply a VERY bad situation for which they are best positioned to handle. Trust what they say and do what they say.
Secondly, PLEASE practice positive self talk. I am concerned about what might be going on in that head of yours. Please just try to speak to yourself in a positive way. It is ok to be exhausted and overwhelmed. The situations calls for it almost. This is where the plan comes in and to trust the plan and process.
Thirdly, please keep doing your best to take care of you. Ensure you have 10 minutes a day or an hour (or whatever) to take care of you. This may be sitting listening to music, feeling the sun on your face, walking, exercising, reading anything for you.
Lastly regarding the sleep. The only advise I can give is what I used to do. I used to get in bed and if I could not go to sleep I would do my best to convince myself to lay there and let my body rest. I would try to tell myself that it was OK. Not stress myself out that I could not sleep but just let my body rest. Feel my shoulders relax. I also tried to figure out when it was easiest to do this. For me I tried to get in bed as early as possible because I knew in the morning I would thing too much. It was best for me to just get up. For some reason at night I could convince myself that I was doing good to let my body rest and that in turned allowed me to be less stressed and fall asleep.
Please know that we are here for you. Remember you are strong. You did what you thought was best by coming back to the states. You can only control you and the decisions you make going forward, NOT other people and their make believe lives. YOU HAVE CONTROL OVER YOU. That is a good thing. You ARE STRONG. You are still STANDING. HUGS!
1771 days ago
Ronna, you've been under so much emotional stress these last few weeks, it's not a wonder you're having problems sleeping. Running is a good way to relax, but don't try to do too much too soon. Take it easy and slowly ease back into a routine.
So, what about the restaurant's lawyers ? I thought your new boss was going to let you use their lawyers to get the Mr Crabby Pants case settled. Personally, he strikes me as a Mr Crappy Pants if you ask me ! LOL !!!
Why not let the restaurant lawyers have a go at him ? I'll bet he changes his tune once he's confronted with a real fight. Don't let this guy scare you. He's nothing more than a nasty old bully. He needs to be put in his place and a good lawyer can do that.
1772 days ago
I am so sorry to read this, Ronna. I had hoped Mr. CrabbyPants had faded into the woodwork by now. What a crazy character! It just seems to me that this world is turning upside down everywhere we turn.
I will be saying lots of prayers for you!! Sending you lots of hugs!!
1772 days ago
So sorry you are having so much chaos in your life. Running is a good idea. I find the more routine I create the more in control I feel. I really hope you can get some sleep.
1772 days ago
Oh my goodness, Ronna. Wish I was there to give you a big hug. I can understand why you are having problems sleeping. Mr. Crabbypants is a downright criminal who is trying to thieve money from you! Has he done this to past tenants or is he targeting you because you are not native to the country? You'll have to take up kickboxing and just picture his face in front of your foot each time you kick. Not that I advocate violence, but it's good exercise and may relieve some stress! LOL I am so sorry you and Patrick are going through this, and am sending prayers your way. Stay optimistic, and concentrate on your many blessings including your beautiful family. Take care, my friend.
1772 days ago
Burning your things to keep warm! Now that's a good one!!! I'm so sorry you have to re-live that kind of thing and even have it served up later as a good story about an endearing, quirky personality! That kind of chaos is so exhausting. I wish you didn't have to deal with it again. But the exercise WILL help so keep that up, no matter how tired you feel the next day. I'm speaking from years of experience. I didn't have that sort of insanity to deal with, but I've spent more than my share of nights lying awake worrying about nothing and everything, and I've learned that letting yourself off the hook can help tremendously. You are not responsible for his craziness, and you are loved and cherished by your closest family so it's okay to lean on them and to put your own needs and health first. Just like they say on the airplane: please adjust your own safety mask before assisting others!
1772 days ago
Wow, it sounds like you have a lot going on! Good luck with the house situation and litigation, it sounds like a real ordeal!
1772 days ago
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