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A Hiccup!

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Well, yesterday I was successful and finished my day 25 strong.

Then I woke up this morning with a mood change. Seems my hormones are jumping...I'm working toward the goal of menopause and having a few bumps. Before I went to work I called my husband crying, not wanting to face my workday. I wanted to open the shades to see the sun, but it was so hot already in the morning, I didn't want to heat up the house by letting the sun shine in. I cried about that, too. I haven't cried for "no reason" for quite some time now, and my hormones haven't really been jumping much. I just seemed out of sorts this morning. My heartburn was bothering me after breakfast of yogurt a plum. No coffee. I miss my coffee. Anyway this is all to say that I got off to a rocky start this morning.

I packed a nice lunch. Went to work and work wasn't so bad after all. I got home at 2:30 and sat to relax a minute. My hubby called and asked me to go to the store for something. I had to pick up something at the pharmacy there, so that worked out perfectly. Until I got in the store and was drawn to a day-old bakery cart. I have no idea what possessed me to take it, other than it was cake and only $1.50. Sucker! I started seeing other treats on sale and started to put three more items in my cart. NO! I put the three things back, but I hung on to the cake! WHY?! As I proceeded through the store I had a passing thought that "I am buying a binge food" Then, "I'll just have one piece and throw the rest away" "It will be worth 1.50."

Bought it. I usually try to go to the store with my hubby, which keeps me honest with myself. But I have to learn to go to the store on my own. It's not fair to make him go out to the store with me after work when he is tired. He has other things he wants to get done.

Including some of the cake and some potato chips, I ended up going over my calorie range by 800. I was in denial that I was binging until after a light supper I counted the calories I'd eaten. I decided to be a big girl and face facts that it was a binge. I may feel like saying it's a "small" binge, since I usually eat three times that in binge food. I didn't make myself sick feeling, or stuffed feeling, but I stopped. And a binge is a binge. You just know deep down that you are binge eating.

I think it's important for me to not overreact and punish myself for the binge. I want to be gentle and kind to myself. I wrote in my journal about my feelings and worked on a page in my Visual (art) Journal. I decided I'd fess up and blog about this, pick myself up and move on. I went upstairs and biked for 40 minutes. Nothing crazy. I don't plan to purge by exercising like a madwoman.

While I journaled I figured out how many days it is until my daughter's wedding. It's on Aug. 10. That's 57 days. What I want to do is surpass the 25 binge free days, but wouldn't it be awesome if I can stay binge-free till the wedding? (and beyond!)

So I call this a hiccup. Not a catastrophe.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • CHERYLA2012
    Thank you for sharing with us. I know it was hard for you. You did good, honey!

    It is exactly a hiccup in the day of a recovering Emotional Eater. You're trying to do the best job you can - however we EE's do need to re-fuel our bodies - and face fuel (food) at every meal, it is not a trigger we can avoid. It is a struggle and one that we must work at every day and also be okay with the fact that we will have to work at it every day!

    What about the next time you have to go to the store you go with list-in-hand, and only purchase what is on the list - with the intent to re-train your brain (re-parent yourself? i.e., We would no more let our children start piling goodies in a cart to emotionally eat - yet we think nothing of doing that to ourselves - so we must be vigilant against allowing ourselves to do that very thing).

    I sympathize with you because the day-old cart used to be a magnet for me too. Until my wheat (and other grain) allergies got the best of me. Funny how there is never any GF goodie day-old cart anywhere or I would seriously be dithering nearby!
    1805 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/14/2013 7:52:56 AM
    Never give up, you will do it
    1805 days ago
  • POPSY190
    Good way to look at it. You are doing fine nearly the whole time and one trip up isn't a big deal.
    1805 days ago
  • _JODI404
    emoticon on making it 25 days -- that was fantastic.

    emoticon on moving on and not beating yourself up! I like your term - hiccup. Definitely not a catastrophe!

    You will continue to learn and get stronger and keep seeking His help as you need it.

    emoticon You are learning new skills, new thinking and this will take time... but I KNOW you can make these changes successfully. Stay strong!

    1805 days ago
    Good for you not beating yourself up. You are right, it's a hiccup. It could have been worse and you handled it beautifully!

    Keep looking forward! One day at a time!

    1805 days ago
    So sorry to hear you were having a bad day, but you have a great attitude and tomorrow is another day to get back on the binge free wagon.

    1805 days ago
    Boy oh boy do I know about hormonal blips!!

    I am glad you are having a good attitude about the binge. It is over. You know what to do now, and I am sure you will do it!

    1805 days ago
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