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Who I want to be?

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Last night I saw a bumper sticker that said "Remember who you wanted to be." It's my birthday this week and I guess it's an opportune time to reflect on this question.

Physically, I am well beyond anything I would have wanted to be before the last 18 months or so. I mean, I guess if I go way back to high school I thought I should weight 120, and I must have been shorter when I had that idea in mind. The reality that I'd forgotten is I weighed about 15 pounds more than I do now when I was 15. But for most of my adult life, I thought it would be good to just weight 190, and I weight about 158. So that was pretty good.

In terms of family, I've been married for 22 1/2 years and have 4 amazing children who just fill my life with wonder. I came from a big family and I guess as a kid I thought I would have more, and even after I got married I figured an average between my family and my husband's family ought to work, but we lost our first child so I'm truly grateful for every minute I get to spend with who I've got. I'm grateful my parents are alive and that I have my siblings.

Though the first thing I thought of when I saw the bumper sticker was career and professional stuff. But mostly I've chosen to pursue the family track instead of the professional one. I wanted to be a chef and an artist and later a writer. I am a pretty good cook. I can make smearcase and stuffed pizza. I had meant to do more art this year but haven't, and that's mostly been a procrastination/avoidance thing and ties into the mental/spiritual area. I have written a lot, but I haven't put in the self-discipline to move toward getting published. And I guess that's really the thing that made me most wistful about seeing that bumper sticker.

But I'm really glad for where I am spiritually and mentally. I do at least have a clear idea of what I want to write and why. I am not depressed like I was chronically when I was younger. So I wouldn't say I have forgotten who I wanted to be. I've mostly become someone I could never have imagined.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Happy Birthday. Hmmm. Maybe I'm just too old, but I don't remember thinking a lot about WHO. Do remember the quest for WHAT I wanted to be. Do remember latching onto ideas about WHAT I wanted to be like--with things like kind, understanding, tolerant on that list. For me, these things are the basis for the WHO, no matter the WHAT or size or career, or health.
    1824 days ago
    Happy birthday! And great reflection on yourself.
    I like you have the courage to highlight your family as the one you put first. Encourages me to do the same, put family first.
    As for publishing, I decided recently that after all those science publications and workplace reports, I could finally write my own stuff. So I opened up a word doc, and jot down whatever feels interesting. Maybe it'll be something more shaped in the end. Now, it's just absorbing my thoughts.
    1827 days ago
    Great blog.
    1829 days ago
    emoticon for this great thought-provoking blog. emoticon
    1829 days ago
  • CDCSMITH2013
    Happy almost birthday. I think your appreciation for what you have, overshadows what you still want to do andI think that is a good thing. There is still a drive and a goal of some sort for the thingsyou still want to do, but you haven't forgotten to enjoy what you have now.
    1830 days ago
  • POPSY190
    Today I bought a painting from a woman who started to paint when she was 60. She said she was a late started because she lacked the time until she retired. Raising a family is time-consuming as well. So I'm sure you'll enjoy meeting your writing goals in future.
    1830 days ago
    Thanks so much for this. It seems every job I've had since college, I've taken with the attitude "I'll do this, for now." It makes me sad when I see people who have been more focused and achieved so much more than I ever will.
    1830 days ago
  • NEEDBU66
    Good for you. Said basically the same kind of thing to daughter #1, who pursued the career track and daughter #2 who is married, mother of one. Neither choice is better than any other. emoticon .
    1830 days ago
  • JSPIN74
    emoticon emoticon
    1830 days ago
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