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Wednesday, June 12, 2013

This is the first item I am addressing in my determination to put an action on things in my life that do not serve me well and need to be permanently changed.

Since I am an emotional eater I realized that there were relationship in my life that triggered binges or depressing feeling or negative thoughts about myself.

This week I will review Luis Ruiz's Book, "The Four Agreements". Specifically one of the agreements is , DO NOT TAKE THINGS PERSONALLY. I remember reading it in the past and will revisit it and look further in depth the action attached to that statement.

I notice how men in particular are good at putting things in different boxes. For example I asked a man how he could cheat on his wife and go home at night and still look at his wife...he said one had nothing to do with the other that was his fun box. Well I don't concur but more men I quizzed did similar things with other things not cheatin, Bus,Chores,People.

What I got from that was when I am too emotionally invested in someone especially a very close friend of close family member I can see how hurt I get when they don't do their part in the relationship, invest any time to it, or care, so now I think I am devising a system.

For best friends who have radically fallen from grace they are now in my acquaintance box which demands from me different behavior and much less attention so less expectations which in turn produces less hurt and disappointment. I'm going to try it. For family similar but being they are closer I am also incorporating a LET GO AND LET GOD POLICY.

For close male relationships...I am rereading the book "HE IS JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU" a quick read but wonderful reminder of how men are from mars and women from Venus. If you get nothing from it you will laugh..written by a man. Very good hints of what not to do or accept.

That's enough emotionally for me for one week. Practice and Refining the theory I am sure will be needed.

Any added ideas or comments welcome this is work in progress.


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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    This is great Yvonne! This journey is SO much more than just weight loss...we usually have SO much mental/emotional garbage to deal with. As we shed pounds, we shed excess baggage and other stuff too!! Keep it up!!! :-)
    2485 days ago
    Great blog - a wonderful approach and it sounds like it may help you deal more effectively with your challenges.
    2486 days ago
  • JILL313
    Yvonne, Thank you for an insight to where you are now emotionally. . .I haven't read the books that you've read but they all sound helpful and interesting. . .I'm going to read more about them and put one or two on my book wish list. I can tell from other blogs you've written that you are a very caring person and expect your friends/family to be the same way towards you. I have high expectations of myself and also of my family and friends as far as being there for me but when a friend isn't you're right to put them on your acquaintance list. Life is too short for people who truly don't do things that a good friend would do and say. I am also a sensitive person and wear my "heart" on my sleeve, we seem to be similar in that way. . .I also have dropped a long time "friend" who became so negative and would even repeat back to me some negative things that happened with one of my other friends or a family members but then she would say later on how she thought they were stupid, being hateful, etc. She criticized them without even knowing the full facts or details and that would hurt that she wasn't sensitive at all to my feelings about them She also would upset me with her uncaring ways so eventually I had to put her in my acquaintance list as when I was with her she dragged me down and I would begin to see Life in a non-positive way. . .it is hard to let go of people we've loved and no longer seem to care about us nearly as much as we expect them to but when it's emotionally healthy to let someone go with regret I now can do that. . .

    You're having great WL success emoticon emoticon !! I saw that on the new WL Challenge today. . .so Happy for You.

    Continue to take good care of Yourself. God Bless.

    Hugs & Love,

    Jill emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2486 days ago
    Yvonne, I used to take things to personally but I am doing a lot better at it now. I have found that life gives us curves that we didn't expect so we often don't respond the way our friends expect. I try to always remember that it is not always just about me but as friends it is about us (talking in general here, not personal ) I treasure my friends but don't pot expectations on them. Especially here on Spark. Our friends here, we only know what they share, but have no idea what circumstances they are living with---So like you said, Let go and Let God!

    This is truly a journey in progress!

    Hugs Gail

    I consider you my friend. emoticon
    2487 days ago
    You need to be careful about taking things personally here at Spark. People come and go and social media sites like this take up a lot of time!

    I use Spark to GIVE hugs and compliments and cheer people on!! If they don't does not effect me because the point is just to find people to model good behavior and to be teachable and find those things that I can apply to my life. I thank those people and then reach out to those that are struggling.

    It makes me happy to just say "Well done"

    It is good to know about this and keep working on not taking things personally.


    Good luck and keep spreading your Spark! You are worth it!
    2487 days ago
    I love the Four Agreements. I keep it on my bedside table. Keeps me true to myself.

    You'll do it Yvonne, because you are working on core issues and not just the little things.

    You are right, most times, it's not about us. We take I t personally, when really, it's something else that particular person is going through or reacting to. I have to remind myself this continually.

    2487 days ago
    Yvonne, as usual, a very good blog with a lot of insight. I like putting things in boxes. I have always put my friends in one box, even though some of them may be far better friends than the others. But when I think of it, my best friends have never hurt me, or have I hurt them. Some of the others, though I'm sure it's not intended, hurt me by something said or bad advice. I need to separate them and find out who are my true friends. The same with family. With friends or family, I love them all, however, some I confess that I do "like" a lot more. Thanks for sharing your thoughts! (hugs) Noel

    I don't know why I feel it's important to write this, but I read somewhere that if you were to go to jail, a friend would bail you out--but your best friend would be sitting right there saying 'My, wasn't that fun!". A true friend is Always with you.
    2487 days ago
  • no profile photo CD2316251
    I am going to have to read that book because I do take things personally and I know I should not. Thank You for your blog!
    2487 days ago
    2487 days ago
    I love that book!! I wish I could take it to heart! I take too much personally. It makes my life difficult and makes me be defensive most of the time. Good luck with changing the way you think.
    2488 days ago
    emoticon I like the idea of putting things ion "Boxes" I will have to ponder that!!
    2488 days ago
    Oh, Yvonne ..the Four Agreements are certainly tasks to live by ... along the lines of never being at the effect of others, but we stand firmly in our own circle of influence. You have some great insights for yourself. This is the Summer that has a plethora of powerful, high energies coming in from all of the higher lodges of learning in the universe. Open yourself up to them and let the transformation begin!
    2488 days ago
    Steve Harvey also has a great boo, "ACT Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think about Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment".

    I've learned to not be as involved in the relationships of others in my life. I let them own their own journey and will assist when asked. There is also a lot of truth to the Bible's idea about not putting your pearls before swine. Keep the relationships as an acquaintance, even with some family members, when there have been past hurts or bad behavior triggers. I don't share the real things going on in my life and keep the conversations on the surface. Trust has to be earned before it is given.

    Great for you to evaluate and take necessary actions to change your life's direction.
    2488 days ago
    I think that's an excellent way of looking at things. When all of your relationships and life challenges are in one "box" you end up tripping over yourself trying to get anything accomplished. I tend to blend my personal tasks into my business day, with the result that neither area gets my complete attention.

    One of my summer "projects" is to learn to take a full-blown lunch period, where I get away from my desk for a half hour, or, if I stay there, focus 100% on my little personal chores. Then when I'm on "work-time" I work flat-out until the task list is done for the day.

    Do Not Take Things Personally - I like that!
    2488 days ago
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