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Going Backward - and Why (Part 5)

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

First of all a progress report. I've done my 3-step morning and bedtime routines well, although it's taken me longer in the morning than I like. And I've done the Sparking I'd planned, not caring about the SparkPoints and always completing my 3 Fast Break goals. And I've done way more than the 15 minutes of decluttering, to get ready for moving David and the boys in at the end of the summer.

There was a modicum of necessity in skipping the blogs for a couple of days. On Sunday, we had Erik from 11am on, instead of the usual after supper. And on Mondays, when I take care of the boys at David's house, the only Internet access is by using data on my phone. Costly AND unsatisfying, because I much prefer the larger iPad screen.

But then, too, these next however-many blogs are going to be far more personally challenging to get down on paper. (Quaint phrase, but I rather like it). So I'd like to publicly thank JESSERMOVICK for stopping by my SparkPage to suggest it was time to get back in gear. This is a lady who persists through odds that I know would get the best of me, so I really appreciate her taking the time to write that comment. Jessica, you're one special lady!

So what have I been doing the last couple of days? Beating myself up with the worst trash-talk I've used in quite some time, that's what! And it's got to stop, so I need to start writing. You see, I've been NITTINNANA since eight or ten months after I retired. (Last day 12/26/09). I took up knitting again for the first time in literally decades! I loved my evenings with Paul, my Dad, and my knitting needles.

But something happened about a year and a half ago. Dad was on hospice, still doing fairly well, but Paul and I were no longer comfortable leaving him alone ever. Heck, we weren't entirely comfortable leaving him with only one of us for very long at a time. But Paul graciously held down the fort for 4-5 hours every Tuesday so I could get some real down time. Often I spent much of the time at the local library, or at a coffee shop in Columbia or Jefferson City, just reading or knitting. But instead of finishing projects, I just kept starting new ones. And then, last May when we moved Dad to assisted living, I packed everything away in the closet, paving the road to you-know-where with my good intentions. But in all those months, before and since Dad's death, I've been wasting too many hours on the computer, doing mostly nothing.

So, I pulled everything out of the closet. And there sat all those unfinished sweaters. The ones for granddaughters now too small. The ones for me now too large. And for more than half of them, I can't even find the directions anymore. What to do? Only one thing to do - start ripping.

The problem with unravelling yarn is that it occupies your hands, but not your thoughts. I started out with some really constructive plans about what I'll say when I blog about why I'm going backward on my food plan/eating habits. Unfortunately, it quickly became the ugly "you're so lazy you can't finish anything you start" and "you're so stupid you can't even find the pattern" kind of stuff. I really haven't been one to berate myself in the past, so I guess I was letting 50+ years of negative stuff come rolling out of my brain in just a couple of days.

Tonight I plan to pick up knitting needles again, along with one of the easiest patterns I own, and get busy being productive again. I've decided to remake at least two of the items I'd 3/4 finished for myself. I have the patterns, and I love the yarn, the look, everything about them. But I need to start with something easy, and I need to do up half a dozen quick projects so I use up some yarn and give myself back some sense of worth. I also plan to work up several sweaters for kids in the reasonably near future an send them off to the Red Cross in Oklahoma City. By the end of summer, I expect they'll be looking for some warm, attractive, made-with-love items - and by then many people may not be thinking about that anymore.

Unravelling - almost finished. Trash talk - OVER! Now it's time to get on with the rest of my life!!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    There is something so symbolic about knitting, unravelling, starting over . . . good for you! Making beautiful things for yourself. You deserve em!
    1832 days ago
    Good for you! You didn't let that closet-full get you down. You are tackling it like a champ!
    1835 days ago
    I know what you mean about keeping your hands busy, but not your mind :)

    Best of luck on your journey.
    1835 days ago
  • COOP9002
    Sounds like you're taking some important steps. Blessings to you on this challenging journey.
    1839 days ago
    JESSERMOVICK is so right on! Just like FlyLady says, clutter of your physical environment is accompanied by clutter in your mind as well1 Not good things! Good for you for getting back on track. You definitely have lots of support here, so USE IT! We're here for you anytime.

    Hugs and smiles.
    1839 days ago
    Absolutely wonderful! Decluttering you closets helps declutter your moods as well!

    I am so glad that you are done trash talking yourself! It never helps when I do it. Only makes me feel worse and reach for the tasty good snack foods that put me in this mess to begin with.

    You have friends here! We are with you all the way! emoticon
    1839 days ago
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