My vicious cycle...

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

I've observed a pattern in my life that needs to end. It's so obvious, honestly, it's embarrassing it's taken me so long to notice it. I was always aware that this happens, but I didn't recognize the ongoing pattern.

There are two parts. Make that three parts. First, I can only work on, focus on, improve on one area of my life at a time. I can go full bore on organization, exercise, housework, my professional life or my hobbies, but only one at a time. I get all excited, set a bunch of goals and do really well. I always write down my goals. Here's where part two comes in....I never finish them. I get partway through and then either switch areas or make a whole new list. I never finish anything. I lack follow through. Part three is that it's when I gain momentum that I stop.

Everyone else seems to be able to achieve some kind of balance, so why can't I? Thinking it's time to find another Christian psychologist and figure this out. It's why I've never made any progress with anything. I'm right where I was 6 months, a year, 5 years, 10 years ago.

I keep a "Life Coach" journal. I divided it up into 4 sections. Me, Work, $$$, Home. I've been making the same to-do lists since I started!

First suggestion from most people will be this...try just making a short list of a couple of things and doing those. Don't make a big list. I've done that. I've tried mixing my list. I always go back to one list per area of my life. One area will make progress while the others suffer. Then while I switch to another area, the one I've made ground in loses ground. I don't know if I do this to myself...self sabotage...or I just need better tools to organize my life. It seems silly that at 38, my life is a mess. I'm the oldest. Aren't I supposed to be the one who has it all together?
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  • PATTYR81
    I soooo relate to wanting to have my 'act together' and be perfect in all areas of my life. I also am good at starting stuff and not finishing. I get all excited with coming up with an idea and a plan of what I want to do. Then getting the prep stuff in place and starting...FUN! When I get to the drudgy-work stage of 'just doing it', I get distracted by the next 'shiny' idea. emoticon

    One solution I've found is to pair up with a buddy who likes to do the 'work' part more than the idea-plan-get started part. I did this to paint my laundry room. I dreamed of my ideal colors & how I wanted it to look. I shopped & got the paint I wanted and supplies. Got everything out and happily started rolling on color. My dd then jumped in and did the major work. I followed and did the fine trim, touch up and clean up. TEAMWORK! emoticon

    RE: being perfect in all life areas. At 53, I've learned that's not gonna happen. There are always going to be trade offs. Now this grates on my perfectionist tendencies, so I'm working on accepting 'good enough' for some things so I can be 'top notch' with others.

    It's an 'interesting' journey emoticon
    2933 days ago
    Hon, Even at 32 i am in the same boat. But one day we will figure it out. If you figure it out before me please tell me the secret and i will do the same if it comes to me first.
    2934 days ago
  • STRINGI719
    I don't think there's anything wrong with focusing on one are at a time...... as long as you can maintain the other areas where they are, without letting them slip. Seems like the same concept behind The Spark and doing streaks. Pick one thing to implement, and do it for a full month or so until it just becomes habit and you no longer have to think about it or try hard at it. Then, keep maintaining that one new habit while you pick a new one. I think if you just focus on ONE thing at a time, and don't move on until you've got that one thing mastered, you can do it!
    2934 days ago
    NOBODY has it all together all the time.
    Be kind to yourself and have this thing checked out.
    Best wishes!
    2934 days ago
    I would just like to point out one thing you said "everyone else seems to be able to achieve some kind of balance". That is SO not true. I have found that it is the minority that can concentrate and balance their lives to the point that they run like a good watch....sigh...
    You are AWARE. That is the very most important part. Now you need to figure out what it is that makes you NOT follow it a fear of actually getting what you are working towards and then not having a clue where you will go from there? Most of us go through that phase and it is a scary place to be! Maybe pick ONE goal and absolutely forcing yourself to see just this one thing through, you don't have persmission to move to something else until this is done? Make it simple, achievable, and pretty much a black and white goal. Something that has a beginning, a middle and an end. Once you know the process you would find other things easier to concentrate on. Just a thought...
    And remember, keep coming back!
    emoticon emoticon
    2935 days ago
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