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Tuesday, June 11, 2013

When I was 13 or so I would watch my sister spend hours in front of the mirror. I was so envious of her skinnier body- her perfect hair.. her confidence..She was the beautiful one (everyone said so) I was the sister that would be prettier if she just lost a little weight. I learned then to avoid my reflection.

ADD 14 years and 120 pounds. I am now 27 and 285 pounds.. I have clearly always had weight problems as a child.

In the end I did this to myself, I let myself get here. I may have a hypothyroid and PCOS. Emotional eating problems..a hard childhood..(biological mom passing away... and other traumas children should not have to deal with) In the end those are ALL excuses as to why I have let myself get here. I know I have to exercise I know I should eat better.. I just can't seem to make myself do it..

I started exercise and dieting a few years ago went from 270 to 255 and hit my first plateau... AND I quit... My fear of failing made me do just that..
so here I am again but this time I am implementing lifestyle changes not only for me but for my husband too! This time he and I are doing this together.. Who better to do it with?

My aversion to mirrors? Strong as ever. I look through them.. I don't see me.. I barely see anything when looking at them.. I however know that i am a beautiful young woman.. and NOT ONLY if I lost some weight. I am beautiful inside and out... I am just not happy with my body.

here is to accomplishing goals (which i will blog about later)
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I also suffer from hotter-older-sister-syndrome. She got the athletic build and olive complexion, while I got pale skin and a body shaped like a potato. Now, I can't blame genetics for being the reason I'm as heavy as I am today, but I do know what it feels like to grow up, looking up to my sister, and being told by everyone I loved most that "I would be just as pretty if I lost weight". -Jesus, and we wonder why we're so afraid of failure! Our inability to be our sisters was our first great failure in life, and as I'm sure you remember -it sucked!

    Thankfully we're grown up now and ready to get over it!

    Best of luck to you on your journey! I hope to read great things from you in the days/weeks/months to come! emoticon
    1775 days ago
    I totally know what it's like to avoid mirrors and I have first hand experience as the other sister. Spark people is great and I just wanted to say welcome! emoticon
    1775 days ago
    WOW!! thank you all for the wonderful comments on my blog! i was not expecting that many comments!! i love how supportive this feels..
    1775 days ago
    First off, welcome to Spark People!!! Secondly, I know how you feel about that "someday" talk. I've been heavy my whole life and my 'someday' is NOW! And so is yours! Just stick to it and keep pushing!!! You WILL get there!!! Sparks offers so much esp in terms of community. emoticon We're the same age and started at the same weight ( I was 293) so I understand alittle with where you're coming from---feel free to contact me any time!! I"m always looking for more accountability partners! We can keep eachother on track!
    1776 days ago
  • DIANE7786
    1776 days ago
    emoticon I know the feeling, I have 4 sisters and I am the youngest. Unfortunately we to get compared. No matter what you do or don't see in the mirror. You do need to remember that YOU are a beautiful person. YOU
    are worth every ounce every change YOU make to make YOU happy. It's great that you and your husband can do this journey together!! emoticon emoticon Judy
    1776 days ago
  • RAGAN62
    Welcome to Sparkpeople! You will find so many people who can relate to what you are going through. Myself included. The things that are helping me the most are tracking food and fitness, and remembering that this is a lifestyle change. The pounds will come off, slowly, but in the meantime, I am feeling better. Physically, AND in the way I view myself. There will be good days and bad, but if you keep yourself focused on the BIG picture you will weather the storms. It's not all about the pounds. Your overall health and the feeling of accomplishment you get from making it though another day having acheived, or at least having tried to acheive your goals, is addictive. But in a good way. Keep pushing girl! Your gonna do it this time! emoticon emoticon
    1776 days ago
    good luck on your goals and you are right you are a beautiful person inside and out. don't give up. Do it for you and nobody else.
    1776 days ago
    You shouldn't avoid mirrors. You are very pretty. It's wonderful your husband is doing the plan with you. Good luck.
    1776 days ago
    I just wanted to say welcome to Spark people! I can imagine the frustrations with the comparisons to your sister. I have a younger brother who is skinny as a stick and I would joke with him "If you were a girl, we wouldn't get along so well". emoticon

    I added you as a Spark Friend, and I just wanted to say I am the same age as you and have a similar starting weight, and I just wanted you to know you can do this. I can relate to the plateaus.. I used to always quit at 250 because I'd get stuck. Then one time I broke through 250 to get stuck at 230 and quit and got all the way back up over 260. I started March of 2012, and I am down 65 pounds, but here's what kinda bites... I hit 212 back in October 2012 and couldn't get below it... I struggled a lot but I never gave up and I have finally broken through it and I'm moving forward. I just wanted you to know we all go through it and the people on here who have lost a 100+ pounds went through several plateaus, so when it happens, just remember to keep your head in the game! You got this, and we are all here to support you! emoticon emoticon

    1776 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/11/2013 7:07:01 AM
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