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My ex's brother showed up on my doorstep

Monday, June 10, 2013

And it was probably the best thing that could have ever happened.

But first let me talk about a NSV that happened Saturday. In my last blog, I talked about my struggle to stay motivated and how disappointed I was that I had not made much progress since the year I had started this journey. I have kept moving forward on faith, knowing what I'm doing has to be making a difference even if I couldn't quite pinpoint, see or feel the difference.

Ironically, Saturday was the one-year anniversary since I started this journey. June 8, 2012 was the day I left through my front door on a walk and never looked back. It was like I was literally walking away from my old life. I still remember how hard that first walk was and that I had to stop so many times to even make it up the hill by my house. Now I don't have to stop and I can walk a lot further than I did that first day.

But, that victory came a long time ago.

Satruday was the annual Mudd Volleyball tournament. I've played every year for about the past six years. It's basically five games in a mud pit. It starts at 8 a.m. and goes well into the afternoon. I remember the year before last, I was so tired by about the third game. Walking around the huge property (more than 100 courts) left me exhausted. By the afternoon games, I barely had energy to move for the ball because the mud sucks you and it takes energy to navigate around the court.

This year, we made it to the playoffsI Not only was I not physically tired, I actually rocked it on the court. I wasn't the star player but I felt so light on my feet. Later that night, I also realized that I didn't feel tired at all when we were walking around the property. It felt great to go from about 7:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. and not feel my back, feet and knees hurting.

Also, when I saw the photos two years ago, I was mortified and disgusted. This year, I couldn't believe it was me. I mean, I don't look skinny or anything but I look smaller than I have in a really long time. I was so happy. Finally, I could feel and see the progress. It was awesome.

So on to the visit from the brother. I was making our team volleyball shirts Tuesday evening when my sister-in-law says: "Hey. You are getting a phone call. It's from Paul."

I say: "What? Are you serious?"

I answer. He's very clearly upset and almost in tears. He asks for a "huge favor." He needs a ride home. He and his GF were "partying" with some friends at the complex across from where I live and she was arrested for larceny, child abuse and interference. He can't find his glasses and he's too drunk to drive home. He tells me he's already walking to my place. I say: "Sure. Come over." He's pretty much already there.

I had a house full of people. My son, his GF, my SIL, my niece and another kid. He walks in and my first reaction is just to give him a great, big hug. I haven't seen anyone in my ex's family since we broke up more than a year ago. I was just so happy to see him, and that surprised me. I thought I would be so busy thinking about my ex that it would just hurt me. But I wasn't.

He came in and said he wanted to talk for a while. We hung-out for an hour and caught up. It wasn't forced at all. We had a lot to say. I drove him home and kept the conversation away from the topic of my ex because honestly, I wasn't interested. All my questions have been answered and doubts and anger laid to rest.

But the brother does bring it up. He tells me he doesn't go over to his mom's house very much because they don't like the new girlfriend. The word he used to describe her was "dork." He proceeds to tell me how much of a "dork" his brother is and how weird they are together.

I laughed and said: "Yes. I know. I know her."

And I really surprised myself by not having any alternative motive in saying that than just stating a fact. I smiled at him, basically a "I'm done talking about this." He sort of stumbled with his words and said: "Maybe I should not be talking to you about this. It's sad. Let's change the subject."

I smiled again and said: "That's a really good idea."

It was a great moment and I felt set the tone for any future interaction. They don't have to feel sorry for me. They don't have to feel awkward and neither do I. We addressed the elephant in the room and immediately realized it was not really that important to either one of us. I felt his comment was a roundabout apology from his family on the way I was treated. I was grateful for it but the best part is I didn't need it. I have mostly made peace with it all.

When I dropped him off, he hugged me, said they wanted to see me soon and thanked me for being there for him. (I guess my ex and their mother were not answering the phone). All in all, it was a very positive, uplifting moment for me.

I realized, I had done the right thing by myself and my ex. I did my best with him. I really tried to help him and make both our lives better. He wasn't interested in that and that's why it didn't work. It wasn't my fault. Finally I forgave myself completely and that was harder than forgiving him.

The Mudd Crackers!

Still Clean

First game

Me with my pal. All dirty now. I may have accidentally thrown him in the mud.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Sounds like you are doing well and having a great time.
    2026 days ago
    Covered in mud and having fun. That looked like a lot of fun. The huge favor you did shows how much stronger and moving forward that you have gotten to at this point. It also shows how big your heart is by helping and not avoiding the whole situation because of the ex. Laneygirl is moving on and in a positive direction.
    2026 days ago
  • CANNIE50
    Wow! So much good stuff in here, and you deserve all of it, and more! emoticon
    2104 days ago
    So happy for you for your NSV! That is great! It's always great to be able to look back and see how much progress we've made when we feel it's not that much. Then you realize it's A LOT!!

    And it's also great that you have come to a place of peace about what happened w/ your ex. I'm happy for you. :)
    2104 days ago
    That is great! Glad to hear you are a point now where the ex doesn't upset you and was able to help out his brother with no hard feelings, etc.
    You have done great! Sometimes even if the scale doesn't show it, the NSV's are just as important! To me feeling more stamina, energy and strength is wonderful !!! And losing inches count too!! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2105 days ago
    Words cannot express how happy and proud of you I am. You are showing such grace, especially when speaking about your ex and his family. You have come such a long way and deserve to feel amazing.
    2105 days ago
    You know I will NEVER forget the very first blog of yours that I had read. You had taken a walk and really "stopped to smell the roses" It makes me incredibly happy for you, to read this blog. You are a gorgeous, strong and courageous woman, who has given me someone to confide in and look up to. I will never forget that.

    Take care.
    2106 days ago
    2107 days ago
    What a great blog! It's so positive, and really illustrates all the progress you have made in the past year, both physically, and emotionally. That's so awesome! Oh, and I love the photos! :)
    2107 days ago
    Way to go! Not only on the NSV's you're seeing, but on the mature way you were able to deal with your ex's brother. The fact that you have made peace is a healthy thing for YOU!

    2108 days ago
    emoticon go, Grrl!
    2108 days ago
  • SNOOPY6180
    Wow, that's awesome! emoticon So inspirational how your stamina and energy have improved!!!
    2108 days ago
    I am so proud of you! You are just rocking evverything!
    2108 days ago
    Good for you!!! That is awesome! emoticon
    2108 days ago
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