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Day 256: Depressed....

Thursday, June 06, 2013

I have no idea what is up with me today. Slept in until I had to get the kids on the bus just about. Then didn't even have the energy to get motivated. And when I finally did, I just layed there, wondering why I can't seem to do or be where I wanted to be by now. I just started to cry, I can feel my ribs underneath a little bit of flab now, but when I look at my belly it just depresses me. I still can't fit into my size 12's very well yet, which is also hard. I lost several pounds since I could fit into my 14's for a change, so it just doesn't make any sense. I know my mom's side of the family tends to have larger legs, but still why not yet? Then I go to do a full burpee, and I don't even have the coordination for it, plus the push up part bums me out. Been working my arms so much, and I still struggle with push ups. Not the ones with the knees down but the other ones. I've run out of ideas why my shoulder and neck muscles aren't stronger. I can lift more though. And when I go to bed at night, even if I don't work those muscles, my neck and shoulders are always aching. It's hard to just turn my head to the side on my pillow. Then mother nature showed up, so that explains the 3 pound gain, which by the way isn't go up on my charts because as always it does go away after about a week. But it still disappoints me, because now technically I'm over 30 bmi again when I just hit under it and was so thrilled on Sunday. I haven't been getting my miles in this week either. I'm only at 14 so far...which lately is low for me. My goal for the month was at least 10,000 steps a day, which I've only managed 2 days worth and it's the 6th already. So only 33% of the time, which to me is by far not even close to good enough. I was hoping to be under 160 pounds by now and definitely needing a new swim suit. And guess what I don't...which is upsetting. Only good news is I was definitely wearing one size too small last summer, because I could barely breath in it so I only wore it like 3 times. I put it on yesterday, and it's comfortable, shoulder straps are almost loose on me. So hoping within a month I will actually need a new one. I know I've come a long ways from where I started, but it just doesn't seem to be enough. The only thing I had growing up was the fact that I was always skinny, and blessed with a smaller butt than my sister so clothing was easier to buy. I didn't have the looks, or the teeth, or the friends. I don't know, I shouldn't be dreading on things as much as I do, and I guess I just need to vent. My mom has some clothes that don't fit her anymore, with her out of work, she's put on some weight as I've been losing weight. So I gave her my old clothes, which fit her nice, and she's giving me hers. So hopefully I can get her moving to and as I size down maybe she will also and I'll just give her more clothes. I noticed a lot of my shirts in my closet are still size XL or 2x....need to pick up more larges since they fit me better anyways. But I got more variety again on my tops, just not bottoms. Plus it's just to warm outside to be putting on jeans everyday. I just want my motivation back. My dad wants to treat us to mcdonalds...good thing is he lets us order whatever we choose. So I think a healthy wrap, or salad is in order with a small fry because that's the only time I get them. Then with mother nature showing up, I not only have the 3 pound weight gain, but the bloating and severe pain that comes with it. Wish my doctor would figure out what that is too to make my life a little easier. So exercise wasn't exactly what I had in mind today, just wanted to curl up with some tylenol and a good book today. Just sad, very sad, depressed, mad at myself. Sorry just got to vent. Yesterday all I did was :
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Today :
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I found some motivational photos that I'm hoping will help:

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I find that I get a stiff neck and shoulders if I sit at the computer too long. I would do some gentle stretches after you have warmed up, before attempting burpees. Burpees are hard, but I'm determined to master them too. emoticon emoticon
    1780 days ago
    PMS blues throw me off a lot too, and it can also cause bloating, and not just the stomach. I know my legs HURT during that week, and I would guess (though I've never really measured) that I may carry some of the water weight in my thighs also. Do you do monthly measurements besides the scale? Might help when you get to situations where your emotions are making you depressed. Knowing that your arms, neck, hip, etc haven't increased, even if your stomach is a little stretched might add perspective to the temporary situation.


    And there is nothing wrong with curling up with a book and Tylenol. Once in a while.
    1780 days ago
  • JENBUG002
    Sorry you are feeling the way you are today I seem to have those days from day to day just ry to stay positive and keep on pushing you can do it. Don't ever be sorry for venting we all need to do it and it is good for the soul!
    1780 days ago
    Sorry you are not feeling up to par. Does it help if you drink more water? That usually helps me with bloating. This may be a slow process, but you are worth it!
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    1780 days ago
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    1780 days ago
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