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Don't Let Difficult Stand In Your Way!

Thursday, June 06, 2013

I really consider myself fortunate that I have this outlet here on Spark with all of you. A place where I am able to come and open up about what is going on in my life. There have been plenty of times in my life when I have kept things that are going on with me inside, and in the end, really wish I had that outlet, to just be me. I have that here. I have met some really wonderful people here over the last year that I am lucky to call friends and for those of you reading this that I don't know, maybe I will be fortunate enough to call you a friend real soon.

This particular blog is going to touch on a subject that I really haven't opened up much about here on Spark, and that is my relationships or "love life" if you will. I have to admit that I am feeling a little vulnerable but I want to share my life with you all....good and bad.

You may recall from my last blog "Suck It Up & Ride The Roller Coaster", I ended it by saying that I was going to cross off another "what if" on that Thursday (May 30th). I also said that particular "what if" scared me even more than the height of the roller coaster. I said I was going to put myself out there and try. No more "what ifs"!

I am happy to say, I did it. I put myself out there. I told a particular young lady that I was interested in her as more than just friends. I told her that I thought she was great. I thought she was smart, funny, pretty, strong, and caring. I told her that I was interested in her! She is someone that I could really see having something really special with. I think that highly of her.

So in the words of one of my favorite movies, 'Good Will Hunting', "I had to go see about a girl."

Some background is probably necessary at this point because that really may not seem like a big deal. Trust me when I say that it is a huge deal for me! I have only asked out one girl in my life. Let me repeat that, ONE! Yes, I have had 3 relationships in my life (4 + years, 4 + years, and 1 year) but those just kind of happened. I didn't just flat out ask any of them out. The one time I did was about 2 1/2 years ago and she still hasn't answered me! At the time she said, "I'm not saying no, but I will call you tonight and we can talk about it." Well, I still haven't gotten that phone call. STILL! Maybe she lost my number? Doubt it.

My biggest fear was always rejection (and being alone, but that is another blog for another day). No way I could handle rejection! But what I should have been fearing the most was NO ANSWER AT ALL! That feeling is far worse than rejection.

As for me, I am a hopeless romantic. I am sensitive when it comes to matters of the heart and take relationship stuff seriously. I don't do casual. I want something real. I'm the guy who wants to be married for 50 years! Of course I am 34 and have yet to be married! I want to wake up in the morning and see the same pretty smile and beautiful eyes every day for the rest of my life! I want all the little things that only couples have between them like walking up behind her and wrapping my arms around her or those looks that couple have where they don't have to say anything because the look says it all. The little things. That is the good stuff!

Back to last Thursday. There was one other hitch. It would be a long distance relationship. It would be about 300 miles worth of a long distance relationship. I have met her in person and we hung out as friends a couple of days when she was in Louisville so I knew her and she knew me. As much as I enjoyed being friends with her, I felt like there could be something more and I didn't want this to be another "what if" in my relationship life like I have had so many times before. There have been plenty of times where I have been interested in a girl only to never say anything and be eternally stuck with the "what if". Not this time. Not with this girl. Not now. Nope.

So I told her what I thought of her. I said, "I know you are there and I am here, but that doesn't have to get in the way of something between us. I have never done any sort of long distance thing but I'd be willing to try for you."

She said, "Thank you. I'm not going to lie, long distance things suck and I don't know where I am going to end up."

I said, "I know you don't know and I am not asking you to figure it out. I am just letting you know how I feel. I want you to know that I think you would be worth the effort.

She said, "I appreciate your honesty."

I said, "I know it would be difficult, but I think something that has the possibility of being great, is worth the difficulty."

She said, "I never really looked at it like that."

We talked some more and she said that we could continue talking and see where it goes. So, we have been talking over the last week but to be honest, it doesn't seem like the interest on her side is nearly the same as the interest on my side. That doesn't feel good to say. But, I could be wrong but at this point I would say that it probably isn't going anywhere, unfortunately.

I will take the positive of at least I tried and I don't have to wonder "what if?" Don't get me wrong, I'm not giving up but I at least know that she knows where I stand and how I feel. I still really hope something can work out but I don't have to sit here and think about what would happen if I actually told her how I feel. For better or for worse, I did that.

Maybe won't get the desired outcome from this situation but I hope that you can take two things from this blog...

First, if you have a significant other, boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, or whatever, don't take them for granted. You may get sick of them from time to time and you may get tired of dealing with their crap, but they are with you! They love you! You love them! DO NOT take that for granted because there are people in the world like myself who would give just about anything to have to deal with someones crap because that someone is the love of my life. Don't forget that. Don't ever forget that! Cherish it because it is all good stuff.

Second, remember, if there is the potential for something great in your life, it is worth going through difficulty. That is true for so many of us here on Spark who came here to make real life changes. It is difficult, but isn't it worth it? Isn't it worth going through some difficulty for something that can be potentially great? I think so! Don't let difficult stand in your way wheather it be losing weight or going to see about a girl.

No more "what ifs"!

Embrace Your Possibilities

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    What a beautiful and heartfelt blog! Not something usually seen on here. I can relate to so much of what you've said and you are right but its definitely not easy. I hope I can get to that same point as you one of these days and just go for it.

    You seem a wonderful, caring man and I think you will make a very lucky woman extraordinarily happy when you find each other!
    1800 days ago
    This is wonderful advice!!! emoticon
    And.........Good for YOU!!! You put yourself out there and won't have to wonder, WHAT IF? If the relationship does work........GREAT! If it doesn' least you tried and can move on to someone who will be willing to commit.
    1804 days ago
  • LIZ324_NYC
    Wow! Great blog! What you did was very brave and I'm proud of you!
    The worst regrets we have in life are those moments when we don't try and let fear rule us.
    1804 days ago
    This blog struck a chord with me this morning, a very timely read. Thanks for putting this out there and sharing your experience. I wish you all the best in your journey!

    1804 days ago
  • TEDYBEAR2838
    Well, done. I'm so proud of you. You are taking life as it comes. The
    good, the bad and the ugly. It all plays in the big picture.

    I always say: If it's not right for both, then it's not right. Does not make
    it wrong or right, good or bad, it just is.

    In the future you will look back on ones that didn't work out and realize
    why and see what good things the future holds.

    You are you, I know you've heard that before, but see where this goes, give it
    time, it's all new to her too. And you haven't actually spent time together after
    she knows how you feel.

    So, chin up. Take life by the horns, embrace it, enjoy it. Don't rush it.

    1805 days ago
    Oh, Brad, reading this gave me goose bumps all over. I admire you because you were speaking from the heart, and not everyone can do that. You took a big risk, and put yourself out on a line, but you are right, if you don't take the risk, how will you ever find out the result. Thank you for reminding me not to take for granted all the beautiful people in my life, and to be thankful for each and everyone of them, whether it is family or friends. Cheers to you for being able to be so honest with her, and to all of us. That alone takes honesty, and courage. I am so proud of you. Many emoticon emoticon emoticon !!!!
    1808 days ago
  • GEORGE815
    Glad you took a chance!
    1809 days ago
    Thanks for the great reminder about not taking our SO's for granted.

    Whoever you end up with is going to be the luckiest girl on earth! I suspect that after this blog you may just meet her here on SP!
    1809 days ago
    Wow...whoever you end up with will be a VERY lucky lady! You are thoughtful, sensitive and HONEST. I hope you find someone just like you: A realist, who is full of love and willing to take a chance! Keep it up, keep putting yourself out there, and you will find that special someone. I just know it!
    I have yet to have a long distance relationship work out, but that doesn't mean it can't.
    You never know unless you try, right?
    I wish you all the happiness in life that you deserve and I'm glad you have the support of your spark friends.

    1810 days ago
    emoticon It will happen! Keep on keeping on and you will find THE ONE that deserves someone as neat and sweet as you! emoticon
    1810 days ago
    Hope it works out with her but even if it doesn't you took a step forward
    1810 days ago
    Oh Brad... I wish I could actually give you a hug instead of those little icon thingys.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    I'm so proud of you for opening yourself up to that. It so hard to tell people how you really feel., especially when it pertains to matters of the heart. You are sweet, funny, and thoughtful, and you WILL find someone who loves and deserves you. You are awesome Brad... Rolling Stones, Bruce Springsteen, and U2 awesome!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1810 days ago
  • STR458
    You'll have it all- don't you worry !
    1810 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/6/2013 11:48:37 PM
  • -AIMIE-
    Just be patient and keep putting yourself out there even if it's uncomfortable. When it's the right girl for you, she will see the special things you could add to her life and she will be grateful. Sounds to me like you have a great job, awesome children and obviously a great heart, mind, strength... you get it. You seem like an awesome guy and if a woman can't see that or feel that then don't waste too much time invested in her. Move on to someone that knows a good thing when she sees it!
    1810 days ago
  • CAROL_31649731
    If only I weren't married . . . ! What a wonderfully sensitive, romantic, brave soul you are--just a beautiful person, period. I wish the best for you, but here's the but: what will be will be. She may or may not be the one, but whoever is "the one,"--and she is out there somewhere--is one lucky lady!!! emoticon
    1810 days ago
    smart, funny, pretty, strong, and caring are great assets. Keep looking for smart, funny, pretty, strong, and caring.
    1810 days ago
    Oh! I am so proud of you! That is definitely hard sometimes to put yourself out there and prepare for whatever may come, and it's awesome that you did it! (And as a gal, let me just say that any guy that tells a girl that they think she is worth the effort, that is a wonderful thing to hear and I am sure that touched her!)

    Long distance is tough, yes. Andy and I did it -- granted, it was only an hour between us most of the time, except for one year where it was two hours, but it's far enough that we couldn't meet up whenever we felt like it. We dated that way for seven years before we got engaged and moved in together. One thing distance does, though, is encourage you to get to know one another and not move too quickly, and also appreciate the time you have together. If you really think about it, the work week is busy busy already, and you wouldn't get a ton of time to spend together anyway. You could set up day-long dates at a halfway point so the drive isn't as bad, and who knows where it would lead? Could be awesome!
    1810 days ago
    My heart hurts for you. I want her to be everything you want her to be. If only wishing made it so. Congratulations on stepping out of your comfort zone, for taking such a huge risk. It's seemingly impossible to do sometimes, particularly when it is so damn hard to read the signs coming from another person. Keep focused on your journey. Love will come. You are too good a catch to escape Cupid's arrow forever. You are so tender-hearted and romantic and funny and generous of spirit. Some day you will make someone a very lucky lady. But (and this is a HUGE "but" here) you deserve someone who deserves you--someone who is willing to make the necessary sacrifices and love unconditionally. Hugs.
    1810 days ago
  • MRSP90X
    Excellent blog! I meet my husband on the internet. When I first realized where he was from, I thought forget it way to far! I am in WI and he was in NC, 800+ mile difference. He came for a visit and knew we were getting married. He also just turned 34 at the time. He went back home, tied up things there and came back to me. We got married within the year, and we celebrated 13 years last month. What I once thought was impossible turned into no impossibilities! Everyone's says the first year of marriage is difficult, well I had three years of that "honeymoon" bliss!

    I will admit that there has been times that I did not like putting up with my husband's crap, but I have learned to appreciate it. He loves me, is faithful, and NEVER steers me in the wrong direction!

    1810 days ago
    emoticon Wishing you all the best!
    1810 days ago
    It's hard to put yourself out there like that. Good job and I hope you find your significant other. We all deserve happiness!! It's hard some days but I know I'm loved...
    1810 days ago
    Wow!!!! Great blog!!! I got so much from what you shared!!! First, I have felt vulnerable too sharing things in my blog on Sparkpeople---but I got so much support that it was liberating to find a place where I could be vulnerable. Second, it is great to know that there are men out there who want the same kind of couple stuff that most girls want!! I am hoping and praying that God has it in His plan for me to have the things that you talked about. In the meantime, I am enjoying my single life. Third, not letting difficult stand in your way!! Life is truly a journey with many challenges--we all have to persevere on this journey.

    I must say it again--great blog!! And, if things don't work out with this girl--maybe God has someone else in mind for you. emoticon
    1810 days ago
    Good for you for putting yourself out there!! I'm sorry to hear she may not reciprocate the interest - but as they say, when it's meant to be it will be. (I know I know - having been single for over 10 years myself - tired of hearing of it lol).

    They say it will happen when you least expect it - when you are not looking.

    I met a friend (and that's all I'll call him for now)... and for now it works. I'm also a hopeless romantic and wish for that fairy tale ending - but have learned that sometimes you have to take smaller steps to get to that and that it can develop when least expected.

    Kudos to you for being brave. I have only just gotten to know you but can tell you would be a super catch... Your match is out there... and it's never too late to have that 50 year marriage!
    1810 days ago
  • PUNKY100
    Wow! Good for you!!! I know long distance relationships can be difficult, but like you said, if it's worth it, it can work. You do seem like a really great guy (from what I have read on here anyway, I'm looking forward to reading more!) and even if she says no, I'm sure there are many other pretty, smart, amazing women who would love to date you. :-)
    1810 days ago
    As someone else had mentioned, you really do sound like a great guy. I wish you the best of luck with that girl, but even if it doesn't work out like you'd like, think about the fact that you did yet another thing you'd never thought you do! I mean, that's huge. I hope it goes well... keep us updated!
    1810 days ago
    Wow, there's a lot there in that blog. You have already met many challenges within a short span of time.
    One thing I've learned is to not let one person dictate your happiness. I'm suggesting that you not let her answer or lack of answer be the single deciding factor as to how you are going to feel about yourself this week, next week and so on. How she feels is out of your control. Of course there are always things you can do to help a situation or sabotage it and most of us on SP know how to sabotage something!
    I wish you the best of luck. Your heart is in the right place.
    I work with those that journal and your posts are the equivalent to insightful journaling. This is a positive step toward growth. I always ask: How do you know how you feel? You don't know how you feel until you write about it.
    You're doing that right now.
    Continued success to you! Stay on the continuum. emoticon
    1810 days ago
    You already have the difficult behind you. Is there an easier way to make this relationship happen?
    1810 days ago
    Well said. You sound like a great guy, your day will come. I have a lot of what ifs in my life and I have never really fought for myself. Your blog was very insightful. My only advice would be to not marry for the wrong reason. Just take care of your 3 beautiful children, that is what is important.

    1810 days ago
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