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Regarding earlier blog

Wednesday, June 05, 2013

My meeting finished an HOUR earlier than expected. So hooray for that! That makes me happy. It went well, I did NOT eat the food, and I feel better because of it.

I am going to share a few thoughts here, while I enjoy my spinach, kefir, blueberry and flax seed smoothie.

I deleted my earlier, self-professed rant blog because I received some comments from a few people that I let overshadow the more positive and supportive comments and resulted in me feeling increasingly frustrated and alienated from my support group. Rather than leave it up and receive any more comments, I decided the post did not represent me very well as it was and that I should take it down. In other words, it increased my anxiety, rather than the opposite. Before I go further THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for those steadfast Spark friends who gave supportive shout outs.

Thoughts and responses to some of the comments:

a) Apparently my language and attitude was judged by a few people as harsh and somehow not as enlightened as I guess I am supposed to be. Believe me, I am more than a little aware that whining about how a free boxed lunch is way too many calories is a first world problem. I posted my rant as an expression of exasperation and as a way to seek support from people on a website entirely devoted to establishing and maintaining a healthy lifestyle. If I had the time, I would have certainly expanded upon my thoughts and deeper reflections in order to be better understood. I apologize for those who were taken aback by my bad attitude. My outlook at the time was prompted by a last minute stressor and hunger. It was a prime example of being "hangry".

b) That said, to address concerns about my "all or nothing thinking", I think it a much smarter choice for myself to abstain for a few hours rather than use up my calorie allotment for a only few bites of extremely fattening and unhealthy food that wouldn't satisfy my hunger at all and would likely promote further frustration. If an alcoholic was very thirsty, you wouldn't suggest that they drink a shot of liquor. I'd rather fill my belly with proper nourishment. My options, if I were to eat, were to take a few bites of 700-1000 calorie sandwich (good luck assessing and tracking calories) OR eat a bag of chips OR eat a cookie. Which would you pick? Would you have the self control to stop at just one of those choices when you are ravenous? I am not at a place where I can do that. I know with that first couple of bites it's over. My resolve would give away and I'd defer to the "Oh well, I'm defeated and will just suffer the consequences" mindset. If this meal was my only opportunity for food today, perhaps I would consider it, but I am already making up for bad choices from last week. I can abstain completely for what is a finite amount of time. Ironically, my decision to not eat anything was also viewed by one as "not being in control".

c) Another assertion someone made was that I shouldn't blame anyone else if I wasn't prepared. For the record, the person in charge of ordering food for these things does not do it until 24 hours beforehand. I checked in with her this morning, 3 hours before the meeting was to begin. However, she had left the office was was out for an appointment. In anticipation, I ate very very little for breakfast. I didn't anticipate that this would not be enough to make up for the lunch. She got back with me on the matter 30 minutes before the meeting, when she returned to her office. This was not enough time for me to stop what I was doing and eat beforehand. I am not perfect, but to assert that I am somehow unprepared or am duly suffering for what is my obvious mistake I believe was a presumptive, judgmental and harsh.

d) A comment was made about my assumed derogatory comment about the skinny person who is in charge of ordering the lunches. Apparently, this was viewed as me "blaming" someone else because I am not skinny. I never blamed anyone for anything. In my rant, I confessed to feeling a level of bitterness toward the "skinny all their life" person who does not have to be concerned about these issues. Again, I was confiding my emotional reactions to what I consider a support group. The "skinny admin" is actually a friend of mine and we get along quite well and have been there for each other in times of need. She also can sit next to me and eat a 1000+ calorie lunch with no repercussion. I am jealous of this. I'm not sure this makes me abnormal and I do not think I am inferior because of this. My tolerance for her good genetic make up was on the decline because of the situation. My tolerance of her as a person was not affected in the least nor would I have expressed my anger and frustration to her in person. She had a job to do, she did it.

e) What makes SparkPeople unique from other groups and diet programs is the concept of "community". In a moment of bad judgment, I posted a paragraph expressing negative emotion. I incorrectly assumed that all the people who were privy would take it for what I intended it to be (explained above). I figured people knew me and would roll with it. However, I now realize that people don't really "know" me. While there's plenty of positive and supportive messages to one another, there's not really a way to understand fully the depth and complexity of each personality one encounters online. I am reminded of my own weaknesses as well as my need for compassion toward others. I apologize if I came off as less than stellar. I was not unhinged. I was only freaking HUNGRY along with the sudden realization that there would not be an immediate fix.

Processing these things is why I am on this site, you know?

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    i didnt see you earlier post, but i just have to say I have been there and I m sorry you went though that. honestly, we can all play be the kindgergarten rules-if you dont have anything nice to say dont say anything at all!!! I have posted some 'honesty' blogs too, and have gotten reamed about 'how depressed i sound' and suggesting medication and psyciatrists. seriously, not thier business! i was just down-give me a break! if you cant say it here, where can you? emoticon
    in regards to 'hanrgy' = I have been told to remember: HALT
    Hungry Angry Lonely Tired
    if you are any of those things, try to take care of that first emoticon
    2144 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/6/2013 1:14:55 PM
    Girl - I am soooooo sorry that I missed a bad moment and couldn't help. I absolutely know what you mean - I've posted once before and felt good about it because I though I was saying something good - only to be blasted by so many and ended up depressed. Jeez - if only people could truly understand where we are coming from.

    For one - people complain that my posts are long - and yes, they definitely are - but part of that is because I don't want anyone to assume anything - so I try to give all the details. People are people - and there are some that truly will never understand us - and that's just life. There are others that will stick by us through good and bad. And - there are others - who are well-meaning, but mistakenly think we are saying something we are not - they misunderstand. It is what it is.

    I know what you are going through - it is hard enough when we sabotage ourselves - it is a lot worse when we feel cornered and have no choices except to eat something we know we shouldn't - or starve. It would be nice if we had more options - and hopefully - most days, we do.

    We have to truly think that being who we are is akin to an addict. You don't give alcoholics a bad time if you only have alcohol and all they want is to drink something nourishing. You understand. You don't give a diabetic a hard time when all you have is cake or cookies to share and they just can't eat that stuff. You understand. Well - we need to also understand that we need to have healthy choices. We need to have a way to say no to temptation. The problem is - no one sees it as a problem.

    I remember the days when I was a secretary and in charge of ordering lunches for clients and staff. EVERY TIME - they wanted all the perks - the fatty stuff. There were rarely healthy choices - everyone felt it was a time to splurge. So glad I'm not in that environment anymore - because it would really be unhealthy for me - and hard. Oh, and no - we never ordered anything until about 30 minutes to an hour before the meeting.

    Please - don't feel the need to apologize for having feelings - for being human - for having issues. We all do - whether we are "man" enough to admit it or not. We all have weak points - we all even sometimes say things that could be considered less than proper or insensitive by someone out there in the world - it's part of life. You are you - and I like that about you. I do not KNOW you - but I don't know many people I come into contact with on a daily basis. I know my husband - my kids - and that about covers it - - - I mean, truly know them.

    That does not stop me from caring - from wanting to get to know you better - from understanding - from having compassion. I'm sorry that the comments made you feel bad - that they made you feel like you had to apologize. Sometimes we need to just have an outburst - not matter how controlled or uncontrolled - we need to just get it out. We cannot be perfect all the time - and I, for one, will not expect it of you. I love you the way you are.

    Don't go changing on me - or writing a post like a pantywaist - trying to appease everyone out there. If you did - you wouldn't even bother writing - for fear that you might offend someone.

    Just keep being you - be true to yourself - and know that those that follow you - truly follow you - are those worth keeping in the first place.

    2144 days ago
    What I like about this place is the ability to share your feelings without having to deal with the garbage we do at work or in other places. I love your blogs and appreciate your friendship. I hope your day is a good one.
    2145 days ago
    I'm in total shock!!!!!! I didn't see your earlier blog, but from what you describe it basically sounds like my daily blogs. I HAVE NEVER gotten one negative comment. I honestly didn't even know that could happen on SP, that's how safe feel here. I'm so very sorry that happened to you, and I'm sorry you took down the whole thing because of those people. That sounds like bullying. If they couldn't relate to what you had to say, they should have moved on. I'm still really in shock and although I can understand why you wrote this follow-up blog, it never should have had to happen this way. In the future, please continue to vent or poor out your heart. If anyone is negative just delete THEM. Your real friends (like me) want and need to hear your words so we don't feel so alone.
    2145 days ago
    I'm sorry you received negative comments about what you wrote. I'm glad you got through the day, and early! woohoo! and you get to eat something that's good for you now! emoticon

    2145 days ago
    I didn't read the earlier blog, and I wish I had--it looks like it was interesting and generated some..."interesting" comments. Who talks like that on someone else's blog? Are you super-popular with lots of SparkStrangers with no vested interest in your feelings commenting? Ridiculous. It's like these two ladies I can think of who MUST post a negative comment on EVERY SparkRecipe and SparkBlog entry they encounter. It is INSANE. And very sad.

    2145 days ago
    Sending you a big ol' emoticon hug!
    2145 days ago
    I didn't see your earlier blog. But I have to say--it is YOUR blog and you have the right to put what you want in that blog (within SparkPeople guidelines of course). If you need to vent and your blog is what helps you, then vent.

    I find that keeping my emotions to myself is part of my food addiction problem. As Yvette Nicole Brown says, "Don't tell me about my emotions!"

    If you need to vent on your blog and you get unsupportive responses--delete those responses. You shouldn't have to live with that. You weren't asking for a critique, you were expressing your feelings. Your feelings are valid. I'm sorry you had that experience, but the negative comments say more about those people than it says about you.

    This is your journey and you have to walk it in your own way.
    2145 days ago
  • STAY39
    Very well said blog! Wish I had gotten to read your prior blog but I can get the jist. You should not apologize for or feel you have to erase your thoughts and feelings- even if you got caught up in emotion.

    I treat my blog almost like a weight loss diary and its cool to go back and see how I was feeling on a particular day. I myself have received more than one negative comment on my blogs- that really upsets me!

    We are on this site to be positive and supportive of each other. You can easily find people you relate to and befriend. I don't know why people have to be mean, rude and negative. The world we live in is tough enough- as is this journey of health and weight loss. If you read a blog you don't like or disagree with- simply move on. If you have nothing nice to say- don't say anything at all. Doesn't everyone know this basic human decency?

    I'am sorry this happened to you. If it happens again - do what i do- simply delete that persons response. Pretty soon you will forget it even existed. Or you can report it as abuse- maybe these people have a pattern of being negative.

    Most of all don't let these people get you discouraged- keep on sparking! emoticon
    2145 days ago
  • TEMPEST272002
    Ouch. Sorry to hear you rant (which IMHO we're all entitled to on occasion!!) resulted in some hurtful replies. You're right about people not really knowing each other fully over the internet.

    I've been super irritated in the same situation - you can't leave the meeting, but there are no healthy options to choose from. I've been known to be "pushy" about it even. lol I keep an emergency stash of non-perishables in my desk & purse to get me through: low carb/high protien premade shakes, tuna & whole wheat crackers & a small container of mixed nuts & dried cranberries.
    2145 days ago
    You go, Girl!!! Shake it off and move on down the road :-). You know who has your back ;-)~

    2145 days ago
    Wait... hold up... now I missed this blog post earlier but from what you're saying, I am APPALLED at the reactions you received. Especially because I have posted similar frustrations with business boxed lunches before.

    Here is the reality of the world, especially in offices:

    - Sometimes you cannot plan. Your day can go from 0-60 in two seconds.
    - You feel obligated to join in on ordered lunches. They are often NOT healthy. Especially for things like training, where you can't leave to go get something out of a fridge or assemble a healthy lunch. You try to prepare, just like you did with eating a lighter breakfast, but sometimes the lunch totally screws you over.
    - The person ordering the lunches is usually quite distanced from the actually eating of them, so they don't consider what it would be like to only have unhealthy options.
    - These are issues that us business world people must face, deal with, overcome as part of our weight loss journey so why be harassed for commenting on their unhealthiness? You are just working through YOUR journey.

    You should NEVER be judged or torn down for expressing yourself, especially on a weight loss site when your frustrations were surrounding food and trying to make good choices. I have been in your place before at work with boxed lunches, it is REALLY frustrating, sort of painful, and kind of a downer. You should be able to express that here without anything but a supportive answer from your "friends."

    Spark limits the language I can use on here, but I say FORGET 'EM and keep doing you! You're on your way, leave the negativity behind, and remember that you still have the rest of us sane and supportive Sparkers left. Don't let it hold you back from blogging in the future either. If it becomes a problem - Block, block, block!

    Now you have me all fired up. I have my fists up for you!
    2145 days ago
    Wow, sorry you had a lot of negative feedback. We all have bad days and sometimes you just have to vent. Hope you find more positive support. emoticon
    2145 days ago
    Sorry you had all the negative comments! I, too, forget that other people who don't really "know" me can read my blogs and take them the wrong way! I took it for what it was, a good venting about something that was out of your control. BTW, I love your word, "hangry"! I can totally relate. When I get really hungry and there are no good choices, I just want to slap someone!!!

    Hope the rest of your day is much better!!! Please don't let this discourage you! There are plenty of us out here cheering you on, through the good and bad!

    emoticon emoticon
    2145 days ago
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