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Giving myself credit. Do I deserve it?

Tuesday, June 04, 2013

This is very hard to write. I am not kind to myself. If you were to lose ONLY 0.5 pounds, I would say "it is HALF a pound. It isn't a gain." If you gained 1 pound, I would say "it isn't 2 pounds. Next week will be better." I would celebrate and go emoticon emoticon or emoticon .

But for me, I put myself down. I am much harder on myself than anyone else. I berate myself. I see the glass as half full for everyone else. For me, the glass is half empty. I am never pleased with what I accomplish. This is true for weight loss, being a mother, a wife and/or a teacher. If I have housework to do, I will make a list. If there are 15 things on the list at the beginning of the day and at the end I have done 10 things, I will put myself down for not completing those last 5 items. I don't know how to celebrate my successes.

This leads to severe depression. It isn't good. I never take me time because I never finish what is on my lists. There is always more to do! I know that I should take some time for me but how can I when I have these assignments due?

Although making a smaller list might work, I know that in my head the list is bigger. What can I do? Any suggestions are welcome.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I have lived with someone who never thinks much of anything, anyone or me. It was so hard to never be good enough, I can't imagine doing that to myself. Would you be that hard on anyone else? Give yourself the minimum of the same kindness you would give others, or preferably double!
    2389 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5821225
    I've been putting myself down for years. I too have no problems motivating others, but when it comes to myself...hhahah yeah right.
    If anything I've found just trying to get in some positive self talk daily really can help. I've started to recognize when I am being too hard on myself and I think that is the first step in the right direction.
    I know we are our own worst enemies, we just need to take it one day at a time.
    2480 days ago
  • SHARON10002
    I can Identify with what you are feeling. I used feel that way, too. I am my own worst enemy a lot of times. It is your need to be perfect coming out. You might want to take some time to sit and think about who in your family was like this. I know that for me, it was my Dad. He was like that himself. He tried to do everything perfect and expected the same from me.

    Perfectionists see things as black or white, all or nothing, success or failure. . . and the list goes on. If you stop to look at this, how can you feel good about doing anything? With this kind of thinking we set ourselves up for failure from the very start! Even if you manage to finish all but one thing on your list - you have failed!

    Would you expect that of your students? Of course not - everyone in your class would fail for not EXACTLY meeting and learning EVERYTHING outlined in your lesson plan, or homework assignment. Is that how you evaluate your students when you grade homework or on their report cards? Are they strictly graded on a pass/fail scale, or do you grade on an A-F scale which allows for varying degrees of knowledge and effort? Why do you hold yourself to these impossible to meet standards?

    The more you look at things this way, the more pervasive it becomes in your life. See, now it has crept into your weight loss efforts. And you are right who wouldn't be depressed when they are so hard on themselves that they have absolutely no chance of succeeding in their own minds? Each and every one of us would.

    I have begun a series of blogs with the Loving Yourself and I Pledge Alligiance to Myself theme as I am working through this myself. I invite you to stop by when you have some time, and just browse.

    Right now I'd like you to read this one because it's the rest of what I'd like to say to you:
    You deserve a break today - Give yourself permission to slack off - just a little.
    2492 days ago
  • FREES1
    you recognize the problem just change the words.. it will take a conscious effort at first and will become easier... wow! I did 10 things! good for me I lost .5 pound!
    as Nike would say - Just do it

    and heck yes - you deserve every little sliver of credit for anything and everything you do for yourself.
    2492 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/5/2013 1:23:11 PM
    Keep reminding yourself of the things you did complete, did well etc... your successes for the day & I am sure there are many.........concentrate on the positive and let the rest go...over time, you will automatically praise yourself for a job well done... it takes practice. emoticon emoticon
    2493 days ago
    I tell people to limit their list to 10 things, and ONLY 10 things, and on that list should be something you hate to do, and something you don't feel "worthy" to do.

    The other suggestion about listing 3 things that you did well is a great practice and it will help you to start thinking differently. It will be hard at first but, emoticon
    2493 days ago
    I totally agree with the other posters. I particularly like the idea of a list at the end of the day of what you did accomplish. You also need to have reasonable expectations of yourself. It sounds to me like you think that others are accomplishing much more each day than you are when that is probably not true. I am thrilled if I lose a half a pound a week or if I cross 5 items off of my "to do" list for the day. Hang in there.
    2493 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4856320
    I have a hard time finding me time as well. Always more to do and am finding myself feeling overwhelmed.
    If making a smaller list helps, do that. It sounds like it might not because you know in your head that there is more to do. So really the physical list on paper doesn't actually reflect what you think needs to get done. However, what has worked for me is setting a specific time that I will take out for myself or limiting the time I work on a task. If I need time for me - I say from 5-6pm I'm going to read or meditate or whatever for me. That time, no matter (within reason) is going on I'm taking for me. It's planned and I can just relax. Sometimes I find that I work non-stop on my To-Dos and so have to set a certain amount of time to do something. Say, I'm going to clean the bathroom for 20 minutes. I have 20 minutes and then I need to move on. I find myself never stopping something once I start. It takes away from everything else.
    I think a lot of people are harder on themselves then others. You need to remember that you're not perfect and it is FINE, perfectly FINE, to make a reasonable effort at something at then say that's it for today or for this minute. I think you need to find it acceptable that some things are just not done yet. There will always be more to do. And that this isn't a failure or shortcoming on your part. It's just reality. We all have things we need to work on to improve, to finish, tasks to complete. Once those are done, more will come. This is ok.
    I wish you well.
    2493 days ago
  • KITT52
    at the end of the day, make a list of 3 things you did good, well or you are proud of...then remember them....start writing your self positive notes even if you don't believe them right now.....this is something only you can do for your self.....

    2493 days ago
  • DOLPHIN7769
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2493 days ago
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