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Week 6 Marathon Training: Running From God

Friday, May 31, 2013

Well, after the promises from last week, about returning to God and He will return to me, you would think I had a stellar week, right? A week full of certainty in my faith. It was like I had been given the all knowing “nod” from God that I was on the right track! Everything should have been great. Until, it wasn’t.

One thing I am learning in my journey is to surrender. To let things go, to let God do what He will do – he is the author and perfector of our fate, and I want to give him the controls. The problem is, I am a control freak.

I realize that these blogs are turning more into my spiritual journey than my physical one. My training went well last week – except that I only did one short run in addition to the group run, due to being all encompassingly busy at work. Maybe that is the stem of my “terrible” week. The thing is, I know I am in trouble when I a.) Don’t make time for my runs, and b.) Don’t read my bible daily. Taking time to be in the Word really focuses my day, and when I neglect that, other things fall to the wayside, too. So for me, it is all connected. The one short run I did get in was mid-week, I had worked another late night, and came home to my two beautiful daughters, begging me to spend time with them. What was a working mother with a backpack-size of guilt to do? I spent time reading with them after we ate dinner as a family, and then I felt that other tug, the desire to get my run in. I looked at their faces, now 8 PM and not a glimmer of sleepiness in them, and the daylight outside on this gorgeous spring day.

So I decided to do what I do best (multi-task), and told them to get out of their PJs, put on their gym shoes and I let them ride their bikes and catch fireflies as I ran up and down the sidewalk of our very short block. Now I tell you, that is love, that run was more boring that running on the dreadmill, or around the track at the gym over and over. But I did it and it made me happy to be able to watch them in our front yard as I ran, and to let them take advantage of the balmy spring day. It made me feel like a.)– a good mom, and b.) a runner in training who was doing what she needed to do, at any lengths.

So what does this have to do with running from God? Well, just like when our parents told us what we should do, when you get closer to God, his helper, that pesky Holy Spirit gets inside of you and tells you what you should be doing vs. what you are doing. There are certain behaviours that God may not like, perhaps some addictions, that I like just fine, and I want to have both. There are certain things that we turn to instead of God to fulfill our needs, and I want my proverbial cake, and I want to eat it, too. But the bible is very clear about double mindedness, that we should have an undivided heart, and love God fully with our own hearts.

Sin is anything that keeps you from God. When we are in this place, we won’t open up the bible, we won’t pray, because we feel so guilty, we feel we aren’t worthy, and so we avoid God (although He’s always watching). We create this distance that becomes a chasm if we aren’t careful.

This week ended in a blow up between me and my husband because I wanted MY way in a situation, in an argument, and I ended up hurting him. I forgot all I had learned about words and the weight they carry. About praying first, about listening more than speaking. And I could have ruined one of the most important relationships I have. I think this blow up was designed by God to bring me back to reality, and to show me the things that are important, and the things that are not.

I am also reminded of how when you pick a fight, and want to be “right”, to remember that with every “winner”, there is a “loser”. I don't recall who said this, but I heard it recently.

It’s not easy to juggle working full time, being a mother, a wife, and also being a good daughter, sister and friend. It’s something I’m working on – we are all works in progress though. And I am thankful to God for his faithfulness to me, and for not giving up on me, no matter how many times I turned up my nose at Him.

I’ll get it right someday, God. Not perfect, not in my own time, but yours, I will learn to follow you and to trust you, not my own plans.

So I am learning this week to let go.

I'm also learning that no matter how far or fast you run, God is always there, waiting to peek out at you from behind the clouds.

Photo taken from the train ride home after a late day at work

Caitlin and I on a long run.

The schedule for this week is:

Mon: 40 min run
Tues: 30 min walk
Wed: 40 min run
Thurs: 30 min walk
Fri: 40 min run
Sat: 60 min run

I am up to run/ walk intervals of 5 min/1 min.

Bible verses for the week:

The unfailing love of the Lord never ends!
By his mercies we have been kept from complete destruction.
Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each day.
-Lamentations 3:22-23

I have swept away your offenses like a cloud,
Your sins like the morning mist.
Return to me, for I have redeemed you.
-Isaiah 44:22

Prayer: Heavenly Father, when I think about your unfailing love, I am amazed that you continue to love me even when I sin and turn my back on your or just become apathetic. I am amazed that in your mercy you continue to welcome me back. I am amazed at your faithfulness, that you never give up on me. That you would lavish all this on human beings – on me—is beyong my comprehension…thank you.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I loved the quote by Charles Stanley. Surrendering is not a one time happening, but a daily and sometimes moment by moment.
    Thanks for sharing.
    1786 days ago
    You know that I am not religious, but I find your faith to be an absolutely beautiful and inspiring thing. I am so incredibly proud of you for refocusing where you felt you should be and following your faith. You are an amazing woman filled with so much faith and love! I am beyond happy to hear that the situation with Jim is improving. You know I feel that you two are meant to be!! I have no doubts about that. Everything seems to be a struggle at some point or another but you get through it and you are stronger for it. Fireflies.....I wish that I could do that with Azali!!!!! I love your blogs. I love you. you inspire me every single day. I am beyond blessed to have you as my best friend. SMOOCHES!
    1786 days ago
    Great blog. Our spiritual journey is linked to our physical one!

    When we commit everything to Him, He is faithful. I am learning to not worry, but to cast my cares on Him...

    I'm doing a summer Bible study/book study online with the Good Morning Girls. We are reading the book Anything by Jennie Allen. The book's premise (from what I understand) is to pray the prayer "I'll do anything" and giving God full control in our lives.

    You can join the study if you like! The book is available as an e-book or you can buy online or in stores...the study is free. It starts Monday. I just discovered the Good Morning Girls...they do online studies, materials are free...this one is free but the book is not included.

    Anyway, great blog! I am happy that you are on this journey. It's such an important one! Our lives have so many elements and we are being taught every second. Seems like you're using every experience as a learning experience.

    Score on running with your daughters outside! What a great idea! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1787 days ago
    Sorry to hear this has been a tough week. You will have them. But you are stronger than you know and you will earn your might the hard way. Trust me, it's all worth it in the end.
    1787 days ago
    1787 days ago
    I can so understand what you are saying. Just like so many other things in our lives, our spiritual life really is a journey. Our destination won't be until we reach heaven, and we won't be perfect until then. I love your prayer. I also marvel at how many times I fail or don't listen or get caught up in worldly things and how willing Jesus is to help me get back on track. I also think about what would be like without God in it sometimes, and I just can' imagine anymore. I couldn't do it.
    Run strong! God is with you in all that you are doing!
    1787 days ago
    I have found what you say to be true. It is hard to balance our busyness. I am choosing to spend time today going to a baby shower and a couple of high school graduation parties after realizing people are more important than my projects (garden). Though I do pray my husband will get my last 2 raised beds made (he is helping someone move) emoticon
    1787 days ago
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