Tuesday, May 28, 2013
I feel as though I've turned some corner in my life...I'm almost 1 year into my marriage and officially being a Stepmom, I've closed other chapters from my 20's, and although I know I have a LOT to learn I have this sense of just how far I have come.
Amidst the craziness of work, blended family drama, and the milestones of my late 20's and now age 30 (marriage, big moves, homebuying, etc) I've been striving for some image in my head of how things are SUPPOSED to be. In reality, I think I've been doing this since high school and more often than not, falling short of my own expectations has been supremely disappointing. If you didn't know, I should have been born with an amazing metabolism and perfectly proportioned body; I should have accomplished something that led to fame, substantial wealth, or at minimum...my Doctorate; I should have had a wedding worthy of gracing magazine covers; EVERYONE should like me. But that's not real-life. Nope, I didn't end up in any career I ever thought I would but it pays my bills, I struggle with being a size 16/18 and being small-chested, I have unruly hair and I swear to God I will probably still have acne when I'm 80, I dated an addict for 5 years but ended up marrying an AMAZING man, we don't/won't have children together but I have 2 stepkids I love as my own. I never achieved fame, fortune, or something that will likely be accredited with saving the world.... but my husband stops whatever he is doing to hear me sing, we can scrap together enough change to do something fun from time to time, and I know deep down that I am loved and can show my love in return.
And today, I'm accepting this. I'm realizing that acceptance of who I am and where I am today is NOT DEFEAT nor is it ABANDONMENT of my goals. I can love myself here and now and still want more for myself. It's not all or nothing. It's having my cake and eating it too......well, or choosing NOT to eat the cake in an effort to eat healthier. *laugh* : ) Acceptance is a starting point. Acceptance is FREEDOM!