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Finding my way and NYC pictures

Monday, May 27, 2013

I haven't written in a long time my Spark friends. It's not that I haven't been working towards my goal, it's that I was in a state of limbo. I have had so much to say but nothing to say at the same time. Every time a thought would form in my mind, I couldn't get it out or seemed too irrelevant to put down in words. I was struggling internally but I couldn't see what it was.

Now I figured it out. I was finding my way. I have a lot to write so I hope you can stick it out.

This month marked a year since my break-up. It threw me into a funk. It wasn't so much b/c I was sad about what happened. It was more about being disappointed in where I'm at a year later. When that relationship ended, I was so disgusted in the way I had been living my life that making all these goals and plans made me feel good and helped me move forward.

But, I had hoped I would be so much further in my weight loss and be in another job by now. I was really down on myself and depressed for a few weeks. I felt like I failed some kind of a test. A break-up/loss is great motivation but what happens when you get over it?

I think I'm still figuring that out.

I'm learning how to listen to what I want. So much of my life I've put energy towards giving other people what they want, even if it means sacrificing my happiness. In the past, I never would make decisions if I thought those closest to me would disapprove or look down on me for it. I realize if I continue going through life trying to please everyone, I'll never please myself!

This brings me to a bit of news. I've been in contact lately with my ex's family (his mom, brother and sister-in-law). They have contacted me intermittently since the break-up but I've held them at arm's length. I wasn't ready to have a relationship with them. Well, now I am. Several friends have advised against it but it makes me happy so I'm doing it. We never talk about my ex so I'm o.k. with it and I'm not planning on going over for dinner or anything crazy like that.

So I'm still here people. I don't have a lot of time to get online because work has gotten crazy but I silently stalk you all, reading your posts and sharing in your victories. I've shifted around my exercise again. I seemed to get injury after injury from bootcamp so I've given it up for now. I have started walking outside again now that the weather is nice and am only in the actual gym about two days. Saturday my mom and I went for a three-mile hike. It was hard but not as hard as last year and it felt absolutely great. Then I went and did some exercises in her pool.

I haven't lost much weight since February but I'm holding steady and starting to see some changes in my body. I really noticed after seeing pictures from my trip to NYC. I've posted some below for your enjoyment. Have a great week and I hope to be back a little more often.

Me in Central Park

On the roof of my friend's apartment building. That's Manhattan in the background

Coney Island

Me at the Museum of Modern Art

In Harlem with an ex boyfriend


WTC Memorial

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Love the pics! You are so pretty! I also understand what it is to have a relationship w/ an ex's family b/c w/ my most recent ex (we broke up in April) I never stopped being in contact w/ them. Our situation is different though in the fact that he and his family are people I knew back when I was 16. He was actually my first love and we reconnected in Jan. I just close to them really fast just like I was close to them when I was a teenager, so it just seems natural. They love me like a sister/daughter even though he and I did not work out. He and I are also not on bad terms at this time so it's all good. It's a complicated story. Lol. Anyway, take care. :)
    2121 days ago
    Great to see you! Looks like you had a great time! Sorry to hear about the break-up and the hard time you had/having! I am sure things will get better as with time all things do! emoticon forward because YOU ARE worth the effort ;)
    2122 days ago
    I hope you had fun on your trip. It looked like fun. I have always wanted to visit New York.
    My wife agrees with me, that you have such a pretty and memorable face.If it makes you happy to re-connect with old former friends. Then do it. You are smart enough to know how things are going.You are smarter and wiser now.
    It is okay to be selfish in some of the things in your life.When you put others first all the time it is hard to do without feeling guilty,but in doing this you are not doing something wrong. You are a deserving person also.
    What do you do when you are over the break-up? Re-focus on on yourself. It is not about heartache anymore . It is about making yourself completely happy,rather it be weight loss,new job,education. It is about re-inventing YOU.
    It is about a new goal to make yourself happy,whatever that may be. emoticon
    2122 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/28/2013 9:29:42 PM
    Great blog, thanks for sharing. Enjoyed your pictures of NYC, my home town! Always remember YOU are worth the effort and stay focused on your fitness and weight management goals. SparkCheers! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2124 days ago
    You are such a pretty lady! Glad you enjoyed NY!! Sounds like you are doing really good, and it all takes times to figure out what you need to do and how to do it. It is great you are sticking with it and even though no weight loss lately, at least you haven't gained it all back, like some do! Keep it up! Stay focused! emoticon emoticon
    2124 days ago
    So good to know you're still out there, and taking care of yourself! Thanks so much for sharing the photos - looks like you had a GREAT time in the city!
    2124 days ago
    Hi Laney!
    I love to read longer blogs since I can write pages myself. I love New York and you have lovely hair and the flower makes you look cheery. I'm glad you are deciding to put your needs first & focusing less on what others think and want you to do. I think if everyone learned this there would be so many people who were not so unhappy. I know because I used to care what people think more than I should have.
    Pace yourself with work and you'll get through the busy times, just make sure you put yourself first with good nutrition, exercise and taking time for yourself.
    The best times are when light bulbs go off in our minds and it seems you are having a few a-ha moments, good for you~ emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2124 days ago
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