I haven't written in a long time my Spark friends. It's not that I haven't been working towards my goal, it's that I was in a state of limbo. I have had so much to say but nothing to say at the same time. Every time a thought would form in my mind, I couldn't get it out or seemed too irrelevant to put down in words. I was struggling internally but I couldn't see what it was.
Now I figured it out. I was finding my way. I have a lot to write so I hope you can stick it out.
This month marked a year since my break-up. It threw me into a funk. It wasn't so much b/c I was sad about what happened. It was more about being disappointed in where I'm at a year later. When that relationship ended, I was so disgusted in the way I had been living my life that making all these goals and plans made me feel good and helped me move forward.
But, I had hoped I would be so much further in my weight loss and be in another job by now. I was really down on myself and depressed for a few weeks. I felt like I failed some kind of a test. A break-up/loss is great motivation but what happens when you get over it?
I think I'm still figuring that out.
I'm learning how to listen to what I want. So much of my life I've put energy towards giving other people what they want, even if it means sacrificing my happiness. In the past, I never would make decisions if I thought those closest to me would disapprove or look down on me for it. I realize if I continue going through life trying to please everyone, I'll never please myself!
This brings me to a bit of news. I've been in contact lately with my ex's family (his mom, brother and sister-in-law). They have contacted me intermittently since the break-up but I've held them at arm's length. I wasn't ready to have a relationship with them. Well, now I am. Several friends have advised against it but it makes me happy so I'm doing it. We never talk about my ex so I'm o.k. with it and I'm not planning on going over for dinner or anything crazy like that.
So I'm still here people. I don't have a lot of time to get online because work has gotten crazy but I silently stalk you all, reading your posts and sharing in your victories. I've shifted around my exercise again. I seemed to get injury after injury from bootcamp so I've given it up for now. I have started walking outside again now that the weather is nice and am only in the actual gym about two days. Saturday my mom and I went for a three-mile hike. It was hard but not as hard as last year and it felt absolutely great. Then I went and did some exercises in her pool.
I haven't lost much weight since February but I'm holding steady and starting to see some changes in my body. I really noticed after seeing pictures from my trip to NYC. I've posted some below for your enjoyment. Have a great week and I hope to be back a little more often.
Me in Central Park
On the roof of my friend's apartment building. That's Manhattan in the background
Me at the Museum of Modern Art
In Harlem with an ex boyfriend