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Date ideas

Thursday, May 23, 2013

My husband and I almost never go on dates anymore. At least not out of the house. Part of it is financial. We can't afford to get a babysitter usually, so we just don't. My inlaws are great about spending time with our daughter, but they are aging, and clearly not really up to most babysitting, and prefer us to be home too (though they don't frequently admit it). My family is less helpful about hanging out, and I don't feel completely safe leaving her with my parents anyway.

The other part is practical. We don't go out for religious reasons from Friday night sundown until Sat night sundown (which in the summer takes out both Fri and sat nights). I work a normal full time job (usually starting at 6am) and Sundays, Tuesdays and Thursdays I work until after 11 PM. When I have a break between jobs, I want to spend it with my kid. It's just hard to find ideas of what/when to do something kid free.

We do things together (without the kid) at home. We play games, garden, talk, and play fantasy football. We are (I think) fairly happy together, and I feel grateful for that. We come home each day happy to see one another, and I think both try to say nice things to each other regularly (and do little things for each other). I am proud that my daughter has pretty much never heard us raise our voices in anger at either her or each other. So I kinda take the relationship for granted a bit, and assume as long as things seem happy, I don't really need to do anything else.

I did get a bit of a shock recently when a friend started having marital problems. She confessed that she felt that she had nothing in common with her spouse, and she started to have a little relationship on the side because her spouse wasn't giving her what she needed from a relationship (emotionally). As she described her situation, I realized that I need to devote more time and effort to my relationship, before we have problems. Because it just seems like it spirals out of control SO QUICKLY.

But that leaves me kinda stuck. I forgot how to date. Most dating activity involves food (which I'm trying to be more aware of). Other dating activity seems strange to not do with my kid. Like I'd love to go pick strawberries, but that's a really fun toddler activity too, so I don't know how I would do it without her. I guess we could go to a movie, but it doesn't seem like that's a great bonding activity, or noticeably different than just watching tv at home. Anyway, bottom line I have no good date ideas, or practical solutions. Ideas welcome.
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  • CHERIJ16
    My husband and I have been married for 36 years. One of the keys to our happy marriage is that we are bet friends. He usually puts me first and I try to put him first. We also laugh a lot. You have to have a sense of humor and not take yourself too seriously. (My husband taught me how to laugh and find humor in a situation.)

    We don't have a lot of money because we are retired but we still have "date night". We often put a movie in, turn out the lights, and snuggle with a bowl of popcorn. We like to spend time at home working in the flowers, etc. When we do go out we usually eat at a restaurant that has nutrition facts on line so we can plan the meal ahead. We also get ice water to save money on drinks. It really does help save.

    The ideas from all the people who commented are terrific. Good luck! emoticon

    1794 days ago
    I think they keys to a great relationship are respect and communication. So if your date night consists of wine and cheese in the back yard, or popcorn and a board game, or cooking a new dish together...you can still call it a date night.
    SUNSET09 mentioned Meetup.com, a great way to get out-and-about as a couple and socialize. There are so many events posted with various groups that sometimes it's difficult to chose what I'd like to do most! Please, check that out because a lot of activities are free! So It might be worth paying a babysitter of there is no expense involved with the activity...hiking, pool party, board game night, concert in the park, dog walking....I could go on and on....a great organization.
    Good luck and let us know how it goes!
    1795 days ago
  • SUNSET09
    There are a few web sites you can check out for discounts: Groupon.com and restaurant.com. There’s also a meetup.com web page that may provide you with ideas as well. My parents would take us to the park where they can talk with other couples and we would make friends and play. Think about the things you used to do when you two dated and even ask him what he’d like to do. Sometimes, I’ll go to a Barnes and Noble, “buy” a cup of hot water and bring my own tea bag! I also like to people watch! The airport is a good place to go to watch the planes take off. We replace the things we used to do with things we’ve grown to enjoy. Museums, seminars and sometimes, free concerts are ideas as well. I enjoy going to the movies as afterwards, we’d go for tea/coffee and discuss the movie. You'll come up woth something and good for you in being proactive! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1795 days ago
    I sent you an email with some ideas & links.
    1795 days ago
    Try learning something new together. Some examples might be learning healthy recipes and cooking techniques, learning a foreign language or even a game that's new to you (ie. a card game, chess or Sudoku). I'm sure you can come up with other ideas. It's a bonding experience, since you'll both be learning something new together. You wouldn't need a babysitter, since you could do the ideas at home. Or start your own book club. Pick a book for the month and discuss what you've read. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1795 days ago
    my hubby and I go to the river and watch the boats and geese. It gets us out in the fresh air and we enjoy the water. also fishing is great and low cost. Just spending time together is rewarding.
    1795 days ago
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