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Who... ME?!?

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

I've taken off the last 2 afternoons from work to spend time at the kids school for field days. Jake had his Monday and Kat's was today. I hardly get to spend anytime with the kids at school because I work full time, so I try to take off for things like this.

We live in a small town and the entire elementary school is made up of maybe 500 kids. So the kids you go to pre-school with, are the kids you'll be graduating with. Because of that, I do "know" some of the parents. Both yesterday AND today I've had, lets call it, "Holly's new life" encounters with a few of them.

Being in a town this small, when you go for a jog, people see you. Especially when they're out running on a Saturday morning. Three different parents on two different days, said I should go running with them some time. HUH?!? I'm sorry, are you talking to me?!?

Immediately, I started having all these negative thoughts and thinking of a million reasons to say no. I'm too slow... I'm too fat... they all go out in these cute little running skirts and tank tops, and I'm plodding along in capris and ANYTHING that will cover my arms... and most of all, why would THEY want to run with ME???

Then my "new" self told my "old" self to SHUT UP! They've seen you out there, they know how slow you are. Why wouldn't they want to, our kids are friends, and have been since pre-k. And seriously, if they really didn't want to, they never would have even asked. It's not like you're running now, and they ran up beside you and HAD to say something to be nice...

WHEN will I realize that this IS my new life? WHEN will it be ok, to accept the fact that other people think of me as an active person. I think because I'm still in "weight loss" mode (I think) that any exercise I do has a purpose. I'm not just running because it's "part of my life." I'm doing it to lose weight. When I look at those other woman, who are all fit and tiny, and running, it can't be because they want to change their lives. In my mind, they're doing it because they're fit and tiny, and well, because they can... does that even make sense?

I don't know their stories, maybe they were overweight at one time. Maybe they do it to stay in shape now, so they don't get fat. Who knows WHY they do it, I just know that they asked me to do it with them. I need to figure out how I can live my new life WITH others, and not just for myself.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    go for that run!
    1811 days ago
    I like the saying at the top of your page. I think it fits perfectly here! People want to be with you because your are awesome! I hope you go run... enjoy the fact that people ask you to run and then try it. Many a problem have been solved with a sole sista!
    1817 days ago
    You Can Do It, Holly!!! Embrace the new you! emoticon emoticon
    1818 days ago
    When I was reading this, I remembered something you wrote a while back about a doctor saying that you had "a runner's heart." That's probably about as good an endorsement that you are a runner as you are going to get!

    You have done amazing things, Holly, and you inspire me to keep on trying even as I root around in the same spot. You are everything you have been aspiring to be. Don't let anyone tell you any different.
    1822 days ago
    I feel the same way when my one runner friend says I should meet up with her! I always feel like I'll be too slow, but it's silly, because she told me she's the fastest and other people in the group (even thin ladies) are slower than me. I can never go because I have no one to watch the kids, but I'd like to at some point. You should totally go and enjoy yourself. I think sometimes we have a hard time seeing ourselves as the people we are now, and it's hard to re-wire our brains! Get your run on, girl! :)
    1825 days ago
  • COREY04
    I think everyone has their own struggles. Some struggles are more visible to others (weight), but we all carry our burden.I run with a friend who is slower than me, and I am always thrilled to get together.
    1826 days ago
  • GABY1948
    emoticon you can do this keep telling yourself that!
    1827 days ago
    Here's a link to the blog I wrote about a similar situation http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_p
    1827 days ago
    I've been there before...I met a woman in my running group and she wanted to run with me, and I was like who me?? But it was the best thing. You are a new person, it's hard to embrace that sometimes.
    1827 days ago
    People see you differently now. Differently than you see yourself. They've seen your success...and your new enthusiasm and lust for life. They want some of it. They want to share in it.

    I've recently had several semi-strangers call me out on my self classification as "plus size". I mean argue with me that I'm not plus size. I disagree. 16W is still plus. The point is people are seeing me differently than I see myself.

    By the way. I want you to know that you ARE good enough. You are worthy. You are wonderful and fun and energetic. Time to embrace it.

    1827 days ago
  • MISSB8604
    Have a blast girl, and enjoy the new you! You deserve it, we all do.

    And girl, YOU ARE NOT FAT.
    1827 days ago
  • SUGAR0814
    emoticon You're letting fear creep in! Give it a try, you might like it!
    1827 days ago
    TODAY, you ARE the YOU you've been trying to be, Holly!

    you ARE an inspiration. you ARE an active person. you ARE a success story. :-)
    now, you just have to BE...be what you have become!

    love you!
    1827 days ago
    keep at it all the best
    1827 days ago
    I want to run with you too!!!!

    As long as the "new you" voice wins out, and keeps winning out, maybe one day it will stick? Who knows - you could end up making new friends, learning something new, or (imagine) have fun! I hope you give it a try!
    1827 days ago
  • KANOE10
    I hope you find some new friends to run with. I also look at the thin people in their fancy workout clothes and wonder if they had to struggle to maintain their weight loss.

    Yet many of them workout consistently and daily.

    I like your new life and new self.

    1827 days ago
  • AME4IT
    Woo-hoo! What an awesome, yet scary, encounter. I'm so happy for you to be acknowledged for all the hard you've put in and being asked to join these other runners. I understand your hesitation but you'll get there and love your new workout buddies.
    1827 days ago
  • DEEDEE1102
    New Life - New You!
    You've worked hard and you are an inspiration to everybody! Who wouldn't want to run with a person like you?
    emoticon emoticon
    1828 days ago
    This is one area of a new life that I know I will have trouble with too, when I reach the stage where walking is no longer so difficult. It must be difficult to come to grips with the fact that people want to include you. I am very happy for you and you DO deserve to run with the friends you have and are making. Tell old Holly she can't come running with you and set yourself free to discover new people and horizons. Have fun.

    1828 days ago
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings in this blog. It is hard to change the thoughts about ourselves and you have highlighted how hard the battle can be.
    Congratulations on your new life being here and now. You are being seen as a healthy role model in your town, how great is that?
    You are the star member today!
    1828 days ago
    Well that's one loaded and powerful blog. Thanks for sharing. I fully understand what your talking about and it makes total sense to me.

    You go and live the new life with others because you have been living it with us here and I know that you have lots to offer to these women too. We so quickly undervalue ourselves and underestimate what we have to offer others. Looking forward to reading about your first run with some of these women.

    1828 days ago
    How exciting! I hope you join them soon. What a great chance to make new friends.
    1828 days ago
    Why wouldn't they want to run with you? I'd love to run with you! xoxo
    1828 days ago
    I'm so happy for you Holly and I know that you will eventually get used to living with all the amazing changes that you have brought to your life. But I also want you to know one more thing. If we were neighbors, I would have wanted to go running with you, too. And I wouldn't care if you are slow or if you're not fit enough. You're a nice, kind person with a sparkling smile full of positivity. And I'm sure you've always been that.
    emoticon emoticon
    1828 days ago
  • BRADMILL2922
    YES YOU!!!!! Awesome! How about that for a nice NSV? Now who is the rockstar? Get out there and run with them, i'm sure your will enjoy it! This is Holly's new life, so embrace it because it is good stuff!

    Love field day with the kids! Mine are Thursday and Friday and I wouldn't miss it for anything!

    1828 days ago
  • 123ELAINE456
    You Are doing Great. Keep It Up. God Blessings to You and Everyone. Have a Super Great Day. Take Care. Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    1828 days ago
    Keep up the positive attitude! emoticon emoticon
    1828 days ago
    I am sooo happy for you!! How wonderful to be able to put your old self "in its place" and breathe some fresh air with the new you! This post made me smile!!!
    1828 days ago
    Wow This blog is so on the money! I can relate 100 per cent! ["it can't be because they want to change their lives. In my mind, they're doing it because they're fit and tiny, and well, because they can... does that even make sense? "}
    It makes big sense!! I wonder it sometimes as well. Sometmes we need to remind our selves others are struggling or have struggled just like we have and are. Take some of them up on there offers you can learn and prehapes share and also have some excerise partners.
    1828 days ago
    Oh Holly....
    All I can do is smile through the happy tears!
    1828 days ago
    I so get where you are coming from. There are folks I've met at the gym and my Zumba classes that ask me for advise and recommendations. I don't know what to tell them- I still don't feel l know what I'm doing and most days I'm just happy I got myself out of the house to do something active.

    Maybe it's in these moments that we can find some excitement and PRIDE in the changes we've made and the crazy idea that people think we know what we're doing and want to do it with us.

    Holly, you inspire each of us every day. The folks at your kid's school are just catching up on what we already know. YOU are a ROCKSTAR. Maybe they just share in some of your rockstar-ness!!

    1828 days ago
    I TOTALLY understand where you are coming from! I totally get your thoughts here. I hope you say yes to running with them sometime! Isn't it crazy to get to this point? It's like it can't be real, but yet it is, and why did they ask you they are all fit n all. Even if you may think you are on the outside looking in, or in a different mode. Your mode apparently fits theirs! It's nice to run with others sometimes :) Enjoy your new life!
    1828 days ago
    I'm glad you told your "Old Self" to Shut up! You are healthy & strong & amazing!! You may not realize this, but they are probably motivated by you! I hope you told them YES!! emoticon
    1828 days ago
    Perhaps they see how AWESOME you are doing and want to share in the awesomeness. Perhaps you inspire them. Whatever the reason- its great that they offered to be a running buddy! I think we are our own worst enemies. you were right to tell that inner skeptic to be quiet =)
    1828 days ago
    1828 days ago
    Those were some powerful words.I can't imagine what it will be like , but trust me I will be there one day. I am excited they asked you to join in and you're right if they didn't want you to they wouldn't have asked.

    By reading your blog , I realized one thing.. I will always be changing.. you're still changing and in beautiful ways.

    Best Wishes figuring it all out.. I have no doubt you will ..

    1828 days ago
    Constant change, isn't it? But you may not realize that YOU are FIT, YOU are tiny, YOU are a runner and you have probably motivated dozens of people who will never tell you. You're the BOMB, girly!!!
    1828 days ago
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