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truth be told

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

" In the mountains of truth, you never climb in vain. Either you already reach a higher point today , or you exercise your strength in order to be able to climb higher tomorrow. " Friedrich Nietzsche

Truth be told I didn't exercise yesterday. I like to say it was because I had a 4 o'clock pacemaker check appointment and I get out of work at 33o and then there was not enough time. But that would be a lie because I could most certainly have gone later. This does not also explain why my walk never happened either.

Truth be said I missed mostly because I was sad. Sad that my father-in-law passed. Sad that my co-workers never cared. No card, flowers or show ,no sorry for your loss. That was hard to bare.

I realized something startling and hurtful as I sat in a room full of my father-in-laws 300 friends. I had no friends. Yes I have you guys and I love you. But my phone never rings for invites to coffee. My mailbox is always empty .I have stood alone for a very long time.

There must be something I do or say that chases people away. There has to be something inherently wrong with me. There has to be something I am missing.

So now that I have uncovered a hard truth I have to go about and fix it so I can climb higher. Just like the game of Survivor I have to somehow fit in. As no one was at work yesterday I will start with my co-workers. I will ask how there weekend was ,how their families are, and I will try not to talk about me.

I will try to smile and say hi to new people and get them to talk . I won't sit around today and be sad . I will reach out and be open and make myself have a better day. Truth be told whether I have a better day or not really is up to me. A walk is in order tonight no matter how I feel . Walking always chases the blues away.

This weekend I plan on being on higher happier ground. I hope to see you there.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MELAMA210
    emoticon So sorry to hear about your loss. I know what its like not to have a friend in the local area. I have very few friends in my area, no actually true friends that I actually know. Most of my friends are online which is great, as im happy to have them all, but its hard not having local friends. We are all here for you.
    1800 days ago
  • JACKIE542
    Too bad all your sparkie friends aren't out there we would show you co workers a thing or two. You keep your head up, you are a sweetie and so many people know this. emoticon
    1800 days ago
    Joanne - its not you - You are nothing but CLASS !! Some thing s cannot be taught to ignorant individuals. Sad and their loss that they refuse to open up to you after all this time. You are a warm and caring person in every step of your life - its true. If those girl's only knew how many people you inspire , not just on spark but in every aspect of your life. I wish I could fly over and teach those girls some manners !!It just goes to show , you are from a different calibers of up bringing - to me - I see that they are still angry that you got the position !! And in some way they still try to snub you ???? I do not understand - you even tried to help them during the fire drill . emoticon giving them credit for being decent cause they are not going to change , yet , but I think they will come to their senses , I hope so . I am sorry that you , of all people had to experience such heart ache. emoticon Its normal to be sad during a grieving period , one workout can wait . Look at the load that you carry -your heart , being top notch Mom and you are - not to add one of my very Best Buddies here on Spark . It hurt's me to see you sad :( - I know you will come through in shining colors !!! emoticon emoticon
    1800 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/21/2013 4:59:35 PM
    I'm sorry for your loss. I know what it feels like to not have a real life friend too. I do now, about three. Reaching out really helps bring it about, it's true, but it can take time to find the right one(s) to reach out to. It sounds like you have a good game plan.
    I hope you find a real good friend in the near future. Maybe you could let people at work know they could walk with you on lunch break?
    1800 days ago
    I am so sorry no one from work acknowledged your bereavement. Maybe it was embaressment on their part.
    Joanne for as long as I've known you on Sp, I've known you to have a true and kind heart, you are an inspiration to me and many on here.
    Luv ya emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1800 days ago
    Making friendships for sure take effort and time. So sorry that no one from work acknowledged your FIL passing. So sad.
    Best of everything to you.
    1800 days ago
    i'm sorry to hear that you are sad about your
    FIL. joanne you are a lovely person and you have
    many friends here on Spark. Be stong and go reach
    out to others around you , be it at work or on Spark.
    You always inspie me with your wonderful words.
    1800 days ago
    This post leaves me speechless. You do have friends!! I know it!! I hope your day is better today. Wishing you the best of luck today my friend!! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1800 days ago
    Thanks for sharing this post. I think it will strike a chord with many people as sometimes we have a tendency to get so wrapped up in our own cares that we forget to reach out to others. I will be thinking of you and praying for you today as I am also in the process of mourning a loss.

    Also, I am glad that you have decided to reach out the the Spark Community! There are many wonderful people here, including yourself! It is wonderful to be able to connect to people near and far online even when face to face may not be a possibility on a daily basis.

    emoticon emoticon

    I am also extremely sorry for your loss.
    1800 days ago
    I too have no friends... I never get a call to go for coffee, as the one friend that I reached out and got to go, moved. I have lived here nearly 20 years and nope noone. I have aquaintences from past jobs but none that I cared or they cared to stay with the course, when I was no longer able to work. I have 1 good friend but she lives an hr away, we do talk on the phone some. I had a great friend, I thought a sister - friend but when we moved she was angry ands aid we will fall apart. I said nope I will make it not happen, I hvae moved lots. So I called daily for while, then she wasn't home, or was busy. Neither of us work, but she is busy with her mum and her garden. But if I really mattered she would call after supper etc. She only comes in town once a month or so, and goes to a dr apt in the building in my back yard, yet hasn't been here in a year. She hs yet to see Allie so I know how long it has been. She did call last time said oh have to go back home, good grief is it that hard I can walk over there in 3-4 mins and even chat at the car. So wasn't me that didnt try, didnt make the effort. I also have a spark friend an hr away but we are busy, they are busy and we dont' see each other as much as when they first moved here and had to come to the city more often.
    We have a couple friend that in this past year we have made a complete effort to go for lunch with, we both drive half way from home and meet.
    So hugs to you and no there is nothing wrong with you. I am sure of it. Took me a long time and still I think what is wrong, why don't people. Anyway I work on trying not to be neg. and to ignore the pain so people dont just reflect on that.
    HUGS and take care........
    1800 days ago
    Make the effort to reach out to those around you. There may be someone at work that is lonely too. You may be surprised what you will find. HUGS!
    1800 days ago
    Having a positive attitude is a step in the right direction always. People love other people who smile and are gracious to all. Putting others first is a lesson we all have to learn. When we get the blues we have to shake it off or the blues will get us!
    1800 days ago
  • KELPIE57
    Difficult to know what to say, you ccome across as such a lovely person, it may be just that the right people haven't come along yet, apart from family of course....and yes, maybe an opportunity to grow......... emoticon emoticon
    1800 days ago
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