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Lack of focus...

Monday, May 20, 2013

As I read over my last blog I have to smile. I remember that girl that wrote that blog. She was optimistic and energetic. She had a clean slate, a new 10 weeks to tackle her next set of goals. That girl really started strong and thought "I GOT THIS".

Fast forward to today (10 weeks later) and this girl is thinking things like "Wow. What a rough 10 weeks.", "Whew... That flew by.", "Thank goodness for the upcoming Summer Challenge." and "Man, Steph. How'd ya botch this one so badly?"

Thinking back over the past few months I do see that some ugly habits (crutches) reared their heads. Things like not tracking, some binges and as always, little to no water. And as always, I seem to slip into this behavior when I get busier than usual and my stress levels increase. I knew I was entering into a busy time. I knew that I needed to better manage my stress. I sat down, thought it out and made a plan. Meditation, positive affirmations, staying the course, more water. I figured out the how, when and why.

So why the EPIC failure? It's simple. If you don't DO the plan, it's nothing more than words on paper. Or in this case, type on the screen. I can think of a million excuses as to why I didn't DO the plan. Too tired. Too busy. Too stressed. Big project at work. I was sick. Kids were sick. And on and on. At the end of the day, or challenge as the case may be, the fact is this - I did not do the work.

I'm not being hard on myself by saying this. Yes, there were some rough days over the past 10 weeks. But overall, the plan was doable if I would have given it the focus it deserved. The focus that I deserved and still deserve. I know that life is always going to happen and my world will get turned around a bit from time-to-time. I must keep on going instead of stopping and waiting for the storm to pass.

Even after being a faithful Sparker for a few years now, this is my "thing". Some people struggle with eating veggies. Some with movement. Some with motivation. But me. I struggle with the fact that I deserve to take care of myself. That I deserve to be healthy. That I deserve some focus too.

I'm not sure what is so hard for me to accept about this truth but it's a tough one. I have these beautiful moments - complete with the sun shining and angels singing - where I feel empowered, worthwhile, self-loving and cannot be stopped. Then comes those times where I just don't pay attention to me. I lose the focus on myself and everything else takes precedence. Not only does life happen. But I let it completely take over and take full control.

I'm not sure what is going to stop this lack of focus. Maybe I never get over it but the best is that is happens less often and for a shorter duration. I'm hoping that self-focus is like a muscle in that the more I use it, the stronger it gets. I know I won't give up but I'd sure like to not have to dust myself off and get back up so much.

I do know that I'll get there or pretty darn close. I know that getting healthy isn't easy. I know that it takes time when you've taken such poor care of yourself for so long. In my case, it might take a little longer and is one of the hardest things I'll ever do. But I also know it's worth it. I know (but may temporarily forget) that I'm worth it.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I was sooooooooooooooooooooooo surprised to read this blog Steph! You are like my super hero on Spark! And by that, I mean you are a REAL person who has made such drastic changes in your life for the better. Okay, you screwed up one month. One little month in the whole scheme of the time I've known you. That's not enough to change my opinion of you and I hope it doesn't change your opinion of yourself either. You came here to blog about it, let it loose in the world and then...MOVE ON. Like right now, keep it moving. A year from now you will not remember this ONE month. It does not define you. You are way more than the choices you made the past couple of weeks. You've GOT THIS!
    1784 days ago
  • ANNMACP0212
    Reading your blog, I kept thinking "I can totally relate!!" I hate to think of the lost time...if I had only stuck with it last time, I'd already be at goal...but that kind of thinking doesn't help. There is no magic time portal (maybe on Dr. Who), but in real life, the challenges are still there. I hope that you truly believe that you are WORTH the effort, because YOU ABSOLUTELY ARE! I hope I can help our team stay focused when we need it most...because life will keep throwing challenges our way, but we owe it to ourselves to do something about it. emoticon
    1786 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    1788 days ago
    Sweetie, you're ABSOLUTELY worth it! We all know how those tough times go, and boy does it make it tough sometimes. But you are right about it being a muscle -- the more you do it, it becomes habit. I have noticed that (at least with myself) if I get away from tracking and exercise that the first two or three days are an effort. But then I start to feel a little better, and it's not much trouble. Chin up, you can do it!
    1790 days ago
    May was a hard month for me don't have any excuses I just did not care the scales would move and when it did it would go and down like a yo yo then i found this quote today and its going up in the fridge and by the computer
    Choose one or two new, healthy habits to take on – not 10 or 20. decided on my June assignments
    two goals every two weeks. emoticon we just need to emoticon emoticon

    1792 days ago
    emoticon We CAN do this!
    1792 days ago
    Keep at it girl. Just a bump in the road. Seems this year, many have struggled with focus (as I lower my head because I am one of those). You are worth it!

    Love ya girl! Don't be afraid to holler if you need to chat it out.
    1792 days ago
    You are worth it. Keep pushing!!
    1794 days ago
    Well, girlfriend - make today Day 1.

    Pick one thing and do it every day till it's automatic.

    Then you get to have another Day 1.

    1795 days ago
    I can SO relate! I could have written this. You, WE, can do this! We need to put ourselves first! Have a great Memorial day weekend!
    1795 days ago
    you can do it emoticon
    1798 days ago
    Stephanie, You have written what so many of us are experiencing. You are worth all the time and effort that you put forth! Not easy as you said but doable. I am with you for the next challenge as well and I'm hopefully once again refocused on myself as well.
    1798 days ago
  • VALYNN26
    I am right there with you on this. We get busy & caught up in our lives & we slide us & what we need to the bottom of the list. We lose focus. We need to realize though that if we are the only ones who can do this & no one else can do it for us. No matter how hard it gets we can't give up on what we really want. We have to keep our eye on the prize! We may not have done the best this challenge, but we will ROCK this summer one.Love ya girl.
    1798 days ago
    Beautiful Diamond
    How I have walked your path many a time, and still do.
    It is so hard to focus on ourselves as woman with our instinct it is to care for everyone else first and formost!
    I struggle with taking care of me daily, and still falter with binges lack of water motivation, blogging and tracking.
    You have a major plus going for you! You know what needs to be done, you know how to do it, and you know you have myself and the Diamonds to support you on this heck of a journey!
    I know you have got this in you for you and for your boys! Lets take a deep breathe and plunge into the deep end of the pool! I am with you!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1798 days ago
    Yes, it may be one of the hardest things you'll do, but it's also one of the most WORTHWHILE things you'll ever do. And, yes again, you ARE worth it!! Never take your health for granted. Life isn't a dress rehearsal - every day counts and every day is show time. You CAN do it!!!! Commit and stick to it, remember what a huge favor you're doing for yourself in the follow through. Look around on SP at the scores of Sparkies who have been so successful for your inspiration - it's everywhere. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1798 days ago
  • AMY-MIMI77
    I feel you my dear!!!
    And I know that you will get that motivation back & kick the Summer Challenge in it's teeth. I know that's my plan!

    1799 days ago
    emoticon Focus is a very bad friend for me. Only showing up when the battles are over, or not at all. Never helps me move those heavy furniture pieces called bad habits. I've tried focus on just one thing each time. This months goal is water. Once I have made a habit of it, I will set my under developed focus on something else. Eventually, it will be a helpful friend! You can do it!
    1799 days ago
    Believe me, as you've alredy found out, you are NOT alone! May I suggest to you going to this member's site and reading her series on self-love. It is fabulous! Here is a link to member SHARON10002' page.

    1799 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/21/2013 8:05:25 AM
    I have absolutely been there. Each time I wanted to start a big weight loss plan, for the past 10 years, I'd get out a notebook and they usually started with "I weigh xxx amount of pounds, and this is the biggest I've ever been." Then I'd come back a year later, vowing to start again and weighing in even higher. We have all had times where we look back on something and see we didn't do what we planned to do. But acknowledging it and moving forward is a great start. Whenever I am struggling or having a rough time I remind myself that struggling means I am still trying. :) Giving up is the easy part, it requires no stress, time, energy, nothing. But struggling means you are still trying and that is outstanding. emoticon
    1799 days ago
    Stephanie, I think you are speaking for so many of us that find ourselves in the same place. But like you said, we need to realize that we ARE worth the effort!! And yes, it won't be easy, but we can do it!!!
    emoticon emoticon
    1799 days ago
    Stephanie. I'm right here with you. You may as well have written this blog for both of us because this is exactly how I feel.
    trying to right this slowly... the first step for me is making sure I get a healthy breakfast in tomorrow. Slow steps, but very necessary.

    You are worth it. We are worth it. Let's chat soon.

    1799 days ago
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