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Bad last night....

Monday, May 20, 2013

help...I am a mess.
I have been on this computer for the past 4 hours.
had such good intentions to get some charting done....
instead I went from one blog to the next to each page that I follow to different forums, facebbook, kept checking to see if anyone responded to my posts...I am a crazed woman. I started picking at my face tonight, my poor chin....
I went to the chat rooms and asked someone to tell me to get off the computer and go to bed. Well that got me off the computer and got me to take my meds and washed face and nite gown on but here I sit again on the computer. now I will have to wait for my meds to kick in.
I wish I were more mature self disciplined, more self reliant, motivated.
I did not get any cleaning done this weekend, only about 2 hours total worth of paper work, I did get to the gym today and ate well. Tonight I did not snack because I was sitting so long on the computer that my shoulders started to hurt because I am hunched over. I did not drink enough water today. I did chat with an old friend on line thru face book. I did go see a client in need of a quick nail cutting out of a corner that was hurting her which turned into half an hour because of her wanting to vent, she has many health problems and is in chronic pain. I felt sorry for her.
It seems when ever jeff is gone I lose all sense of control.
I guess I should be proud of the fact that I did get my billing done today.
I did work yesterday in the afternoon so that was good.
I was obsessed with this computer. I was obsessed with people posting to my blog that I now have....
maybe I should not have a blog...
Maybe I have traded one addiction for another.
I have remained alcohol free which is good but maybe I need to give myself a break.
I am crazy......
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I am glad you are feeling better now ! Don't be too hard on yourself - I often use the time idea it helps take the emotion out of stopping and starting tasks - in fact have one on right now in order to get off spark people and get my kids to school on time emoticon
    1799 days ago
    thank you all fo ryour support I appreciate you!
    1799 days ago
    I think we all have times when we lose ourselves in the world of the computer.

    You are doing so great bizi, don't put yourself down!!!

    Maybe write down a schedule?

    1799 days ago
    I know the feeling!!!
    It's so easy to la-di-da around on the computer or reading or watching tv and not get anything done-especially when your normal routine is off (like when our men are away).
    Maybe you should relax and enjoy the break in your routine instead of beating yourslef up about it.
    I have been married a loooooooong time and have always said my dh keeps my feet firmly planted on the earth- otherwise I would float away.
    And I am the light and joy in his life- definitely the funnest part of it.
    1799 days ago
  • CAROL_31649731
    You still remain an inspiration to me. So I need you to consider the constant draw toward sparking as a healthy addiction because I'm getting addicted, too. I agree with SCHNEBL--certainly better than being drawn toward DD. Whatever helps get us through. As usual, I enjoyed reading you blog. Thanks, Carol
    1799 days ago
    Bizi, You made it through the night, and when we have those dark evenings, things usually feel better in the morning. I hope you got a good night's sleep! Hang in there!
    1799 days ago
    OK. Take a deep cleansing breath.

    Breathe in........

    Breathe out.......

    Have you ever met FlyLady? Let me introduce you two!


    In the short term - get yourself a bunch of cheap little timers and put one in every room, and ESPECIALLY one at the computer. Set it for 15 minutes, then surf to your heart's content. But when the timer goes off, pause or quit, get up at go do 15 minutes of work somewhere else in the house. When that timer goes off then you can come back for another 15 minutes on the computer. As FlyLady says, you can do ANYTHING for 15 minutes!
    1799 days ago
    Remaining AF is not just GOOD --- it is FANTASTIC ! Being addicted to the computer is a GREAT addiction (unless it's porn). Why are you so hard on yourself ? I would go CRAZY if Johnny left for a weekend, too. I'm used to him and I being home ALL the time. YOU work and go to fund-raising events and exercise, etc. You are always so BUSY (hence the name, right?) Johnny's latest song he wrote is called "Too Busy" It is one of his BEST songs. Hopefully he will get it recorded soon. But I digress. Anyway - you are doing great not drinking. Whatever you have to do to keep from drinking is a GOOD thing. Keep it Up !
    1799 days ago
    Being on the computer is just a way for you to connect with people. There is nothing crazy about that :)
    1799 days ago
    You are far from crazy Bizi - you're just not used to being alone. It takes getting used to - for me it comes naturally now and I can be ok alone without being lonely. There are times I keep checking in too, hoping someone is around to chat with or who has commented on my blogs - but the blogs are as I have said before therapeutic in many ways. Look at how well you did yesterday - re-read THAT blog!!

    Today ... it's a new day and you can still get some things done before hubby gets back to keep yourself busy/distracted.

    I've been trying to break up my time too - and not spend too much time on the computer and do other activities.

    Don't be so hard on yourself... We all have those nights.
    1799 days ago
    Good that you are AF...being obsessed with your computer is definitely healthier than being DD. Maybe set a timer for yourself in another room that you HAVE to get up and turn off - then tell yourself that you have to do something else for an hour before you can go back to the computer?
    1799 days ago
    Well, we are inherently social beings so iris not surprising that you look for blog responses. At least on this site you don"t get random trolls but encouragement. And youndonsound like you are doing well. You are also a great support to other people. I thank you for that. Have a great day!
    1799 days ago
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