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Mid-way thoughts...

Sunday, May 19, 2013

So I'm halfway through my 10 day juice fast. I don't know if it's because I didn't get the best sleep last night, but I've been feeling kind of irritated this afternoon. I can't really put my finger on it...I just feel a bit grumpy. I made a pretty disappointing juice tonight (actually it was a half/half juice/smoothie). I took some of last year's blackberries out of the freezer and they were still so pretty. They looked like I'd just picked them. The smoothie I made wasn't bad. I think I just put too many blackberries in there because that's all I could taste...and just a little hint of banana, even though I did put other things in there, too. I'm not a huge fan of the blackberry flavor so I was a bit disappointed that it was overkill. It was incredibly hard for me to cook dinner tonight for Husband and Daughter. I finally got done and just had to put the casserole and hot bread on the top of the stove and tell them to dish up their own plates. I just couldn't look at food. Overall, I've been very impressed with how easy this has been, and how positive I've felt. It's only been the past few hours that I've really had a bad attitude about it, and again, I think that can {mostly} be contributed to my being a little off from a not-so-great night's sleep. It's nearing 8:30 though, and I'm already in bed for the night.

I had a couple of interesting things happen the past couple of days. One of my new "Juice Friends" mentioned something to me yesterday evening. We were chatting about how good we both feel, how much energy we have, etc. She said something like, "Can you imagine how it will be to feel this good all the time?" I hadn't even thought of that. It didn't even cross my mind. Even in the past, when I've been doing "all the right things," and feeling sensational as a result, I still never consciously realized that if I just kept doing it, I would always feel good. I never really thought, "This is the way it's going to be from now on." I guess even though I "know" it has to be a lifestyle change, I guess somewhere deep inside of me I still pretended it was just a temporary thing. I'll go to the gym until... I'll eat -this way- until... I do -whatever- until... But I never thought that I should just keep doing what I'm doing so I can keep feeling the way I was feeling -- which was INCREDIBLE.

Imagine...always having energy...always being in an upbeat mood...actually wanting to put the right things into your body...always feeling good in your own skin and good about yourself...what a great realization that was! Today while we were cleaning that house, I was in a small hallway bathroom. They had this antique mirror over the sink, the kind that is so old the mirror is dark and kind of splotchy. My hair was just pulled back into a ponytail and I didn't really have on makeup (just some under-eye concealer and a thin coat of mascara). I stood there for a few moments after I saw my reflection. I noticed my face, particularly my jaw line, is looking different than it was a week or so ago. My face doesn't look so fat and puffy. In fact, my reflection really stopped me in my tracks, because...well, I thought I looked really pretty. Not only did I see a slightly thinner face, I saw my naturally rosy cheeks, my shiny hair, my clear skin, my pretty eyes. I actually stood and stared at my reflection for a while. And then I just smiled. I do not recall the last time I looked in a mirror and was not instantly critical of myself in some way. Yes, I really did see all of the beautiful parts of me, but something more than that happened. I didn't judge myself. I didn't criticize. Now, I didn't tell myself not to be critical. I just looked up from wiping a sink and saw my face....and I really, truly, and very much liked what I saw. I felt something change inside me at that moment, when I realized what had happened. I think I am starting to love myself in a way I never have before. I think I am starting to really want to take care of myself, in a way that I've never really done before.

I am starting to think that I am going to make it this time. I really, really think I might make it.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I like juice, but prefer smoothies. Less waste. I plan to start another smoothie fast soon.
    1827 days ago
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