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Sunday, May 19, 2013

I'm asking for your advice and/or help here. I'm really worried about my hubby. He's had a couple of health scares in the last 3 years. His blood pressure just keeps rising. Tonight he was huffing and puffing after a 2 mile walk. I'm really scared I'm going to loose him.

We have discussed several times about him losing weight. He "agrees" that he needs to but he does nothing about it. All he'll do for exercise is his martial arts class 5X a week (He is a Sifu). I don't think that this actually does anything for him as he has been teaching for 40 years.

I can't get him to make any real changes. He might walk once a week. That's it. Does anyone have any ideas? I know he has to make the decision for himself but maybe some baby steps I can encourage?
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  • SHEL_V2
    Great topic, clearly. People who are here to improved our health have not been living in isolation. My husband lost 26 pounds in 5 weeks during a health crisis last year, but treated the loss as a temporary thing. With meds, his BP is controlled, but he's on too many meds entirely for someone under 50. He is a picky, picky eater with very few fruits or veggies he'll eat. I've switched to low carb (vegetarian), and it is temping him. He's a teacher and a few days from being off for the summer, so I'm about to try to make it really easy for him to be low carb. Wish us luck!
    1860 days ago
    Count me in the "when you find out, tell me" crew. I do try and remember that I was in that boat and I though I was "Okay" (and all that implies). I changed when I was ready to. I had been constantly bombarded with messages to change for years and years, but I had to be ready.
    1860 days ago
    Ask him to walk the dogs? I don't know. I am sorry I can't help. High BP can be definitely be turned around through diet and exercise! Maybe give him more info on the topic? He probably knows already but sometimes reading info that is front of you regularly can start shifting stuff. Good luck, Honey.
    1860 days ago
  • LOSER05
    I'm sorry I can't help on this one because I have the same problem with my husband, he wont go either.
    1860 days ago
  • JUSTME29
    I have much the same problem in my house and I haven't figured out a solution either.
    1860 days ago
    So.. your blog inspired me to get out of my chair and go get my BP cuff and give it a check . . 122/74 pulse 49 emoticon That was a 'pressure' relief all by itself!

    From a 'male' perspective . . 'How do you motivate a man to lose weight and get healthy'? . . You can't . . until he finds HIS reason to do so!

    I am a proctor and 'student' of Shaolin . . I knew there was little that would affect from the outside . . but being hit in the 'heart of the matter' is what changed my mind and body! Tell him frankly that you fear for his life and you fear living without him as a result of his own negligence and that you will support him in his getting well. Yell him you Love him!

    Love; Unselfish Conxtructive Action For The Betterment Of Others Expecteing Nothing In Return!
    1860 days ago
    We had a similar problem in our house and DH was able to fix it completely by just doing one simple thing. He reduced sodium (SIGNIFICANTLY). Worked like a charm. No meds required, no weight loss required, no new exercise routine required. He just kicked the salt to the curb and it wasn't long until the problem disappeared. Hope this helps and good luck!
    1860 days ago
    You already got lots of advice!

    Big emoticon
    1860 days ago
    Maybe have him walk the dogs twice aweek. But you defiantly need to get the high blood pressure under control. So maybe a trip to the doc is in order.
    1860 days ago
    That's really scary. Yes, I would try & get him to go have a physical. Maybe doc can talk him into doing something.
    1861 days ago
    Have him to to the doctor, and see if you can go with him. Reviewing hid blood pressure, the huffing/puffing-let your doctor have a heart to heart-but even still he has to come to making changes on his own. Stress to him how important he is to you as well-hopefully he will decide to make some small steps
    1861 days ago
    Have a good talk with him about why you're worried about him and how important it is that he get healthy. Stress that you enjoy his company and you'd like it if he walks with you.

    Re. his eating--again, you have to tell him why it's important to you that he eat healthier. Begin by only bringing healthy foods into the house, and cooking healthy meals. Once he discovers how tasty healthy food is, he will begin to enjoy it.

    I think it all comes down to him understanding your concerns. But ultimately, it is his decision to turn this around, and he has to WANT to make the change. Maybe you can go with him to the doctor, and get ideas from the doctor on how to begin to take the right steps towards health. And one of the first steps at the doctors should be medication to get his bp under control.

    I wish I had some magic words to fix this for you. Maybe you should suggest he read this blog, so he understands how worried you are and to get a dialogue started between you two.


    1861 days ago
    The DASH diet is something that starts working almost immediately, but if he is unwilling to change his eating or exercise habits, he needs to get medication to get his blood pressure under control immediately. Wishing you relief.
    1861 days ago
    Wow this is a hard one! He has to be ready to be/get healthy, no one can do it for him. Until he is ready, try using smaller plates (someone has already suggested), don't buy any 'junk' foods when buying groceries.
    1861 days ago
    I don't have a husband and never have, and everyone else's suggestions all sound good. The only thing I can think to add is to buy smaller plates and bowls! It seems silly, but I tried it recently and it honestly does make a difference in how satiated you feel. If you put the exact same amount of food on a big plate vs a small one, your mind thinks you are getting more food with the small plate!

    And then I guess put the "leftovers" farther away from where you eat, so at least if he's got to get up to refill the plate he has to walk to get it :-)!
    1861 days ago
    Honey, you've gotten some good suggestions here but I will also pray more specifically for hubby. emoticon emoticon
    1861 days ago
  • CHERYLA2012
    He can't out exercise a poor diet. No one can. He needs to want to make a change and then do it. He basically needs to get out of his own way and stop blocking his progress on his own journey. He needs to stop with all the "junky/unhealthy" types of foods and make peace with the fact that he can find an equally tasty and healthy substitute if he wants to, the choice is his. (You did not too long ago, invite me to basically "be me" and I am honest and straight forward like this even though it sometimes gets me in trouble because people do not like hearing the truth).

    @ Our House

    Making all the changes we have made has been a group decision because we have lived together (me, him, and my Mom) for over 10 years. Of course, the great feedback everyone gets from their physicians after physicals and blood tests only bolsters my resolve and theirs to continue the way we are.

    Because of how we eat and because I am the one who does the hunting and gathering (aka grocery shopping) - I have far more impact on what my husband eats. I don't make his breakfast, but I am there when he eats it. (Usually 2 servings gluten free cereal, non-sweetened coconut milk beverage, 1 small banana).

    I do make his lunch every day ( mind you he works a 10 hour day): 1 serving leftover from previous evening meal, 170 g Greek yogurt w/ 1 Tablespoon jam, 1 chocolate pudding, 14 g raw almonds, 3 ounces baby carrots, 1 sliced apple or pear, 1 sliced orange, 1 other "treat", 24 ounces of water (which he refills @ work).

    We split the evening cooking it's about 70/30, sometimes 60/40 and I'm good with that.

    Over 25 years ago when we first married, we discussed finances (of which I am in charge of as I pay the monthly bills etc.) and we agreed that it did not make sense to go out to eat all the time - and that was after our experiment of him eating out a whole week and what he had to show for the money spent via receipts as opposed to what could have been purchased at the supermarket for the same amount.

    He quickly understood that he felt much healthier both physically and mentally eating the way we usually do for all our meals. It's been that way ever since.

    Because my Mom must watch her sodium - we watch ours too (and I track it in the Tracker). That means 4 different kinds of Mrs. Dash, lots of pepper and other non-salt ways to spice up food. I even leave it out of baking unless it is absolutely necessary for the success of the recipe).

    It is always a learning curve and always one that you have to want to participate in.

    I hope he chooses to do so!
    1861 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/19/2013 6:50:00 PM
  • DARLY55
    I agree with Catincj - he should have a complete blood work-up and physical first, to make sure everything is okay. Then, the hardest thing in the world is getting him moving. And when he does, just like the rest of us, in time he will not huff and puff anymore. But, I believe he should be medically cleared before he begins an exercise program. And if you can, try to make it PLAY between the two of you, not exercise - PLAY!
    1861 days ago
    maybe ask him to walk with you to spend some time together..... I'm the wrong one to ask no hubs in the picture.
    1861 days ago
    Oh boy. Hubby's are tough nuts to crack sometimes! But there are ways.

    1. Do you do the cooking? or sue if you controlthe amt. of sodium in the diet, it will help. I had to do that too not only for me, but DH.

    2. How do you handle menu planning? Would it be more palatable to him if he and you di the menu planning together? That way he has some "control" over the food.

    3. Junk food -- as I recall he love it. THAT is a very tough thing to ge over. Salt, like sugar, lights up the same areas of the brain that other substances (like alcohol, etc.) do in "users". So, it's a tough cookie to crumble.

    4. I have to agree maybe explaining that for our bodies to progress, we have to "mix things up". Is there ANY other physical activity that appeals to him? Bike riding, for instance?? Just an idea.

    YOU do the boxing. Is that something he'd be interested in? I am tossing this one around myself, because MY DH needs to get physical activity in, too. But gotta be a "sneaky pete" about it.

    Oh, and when is the last time he's had a physical? Would he listen to the Drs. advice? Sometimes DH is loathe to listen to me but if I get the msg. in via that "back door" (the DRS!) he'll listen.

    Good luck. Looks like you've gotten some sound advice.

    1861 days ago
    I have no words of wisdom. My brother is morbidly obese with high blood pressure, and I just convinced him to join SP. He said that just seeing my success helped motivate him. Of course he only uses the fitness tracker, so I don't know how much good it will do him. oh well. emoticon
    1861 days ago
    there are several ways you can go here
    # appeal to his common sense
    #reverse psycolochogy
    #secretely(by adapting his food without him knowing)
    #explain how you have to mix up your exercise every once in a while.for it to be effective
    #say you have lost your motivation and needs his help.can he train with you etc.
    #get his dr or his family on you side to back you up

    hope you find the way that works for him be it going out dancing together or walking together,etc,etc.even show him this blog you wrote so he knows how much you are worried about him etc. emoticon
    1861 days ago
  • DIANE7786
    Your husband sounds similar to mine. One thing that helped a little was giving him my notebook of recipes we like and letting him choose meals for the week.

    Stress affects our bodies in so many ways. We never guessed my husband was stressed. He retired about three weeks ago. His food and exercise hasn't changed much yet he lost six lbs and his blood pressure is lower. A couple of days ago he said he must have been constantly stressed because he doesn't remember ever feeling like he does now. Of course no one can retire to reduce stress. If we had known we would have used some of the stress reducing advice on this and other sites. We are doing some now as prevention. They are fun! You might consider doing a few of them with your husband and see if it improves his blood pressure and makes him more interested in healthy food and different exercises.
    1861 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/19/2013 5:22:11 AM
  • APED7969
    My husband's just hitting a year of no smoking and about 10 months of running/exercising. I harassed him a lot about the smoking, got a bit angry at him, encouraged him to try different methods of quitting, tried to make it difficult to buy cigarettes (although money is a whole different issue in our relationship) and eventually it all sank in. I think though for most of the time he actually wanted to quit so I'm not sure it applies. As for being healthy I would take him on walks or low impact exercise, do my exercise dvds in front of him, make him hold pads for me, encourage him to come to fitness classes, and finally his mate's wife and I told him he'd never be able to run a 14k race. He actually took that seriously and started training and finished it in an hour 24min. As for improving diet I told him under no uncertain terms was he to bring takeout home. I didn't want it in the house. We could go out to eat one meal a week but no take out brought home. I also asked him not to bring home junk food and since I do the shopping that helped. I'm not sure any of those suggestions will help but it's what worked for me. I also liked the idea of printing off info about obesity related disease and leaving it around or talking to him about it. Hopefully if you keep pressuring and set a good example he'll start to make changes.
    1861 days ago
    Perhaps looking up some of the medical conditions you are concerned with and print out some information to present to him or leave lying around where he will see them. Also repeatedly reminding him of how much he means to me and how much you need him in your life...making it more about your life together and its longevity above everything else. Maybe if he realizes his choices affect more than just himself he will take it more seriously? Just a thought..

    1861 days ago
    how big is his blood pressure ? does he take any medication? someone else said it before , you have to lower the sodium intake. that means salt , canned food , anything cooked by anyone else. he should eat more like you , not necessarily vegan or vegetarian , but you can try use low sodium salt .and he needs to see a doctor and get a proper medication. after his blood pressure lowers you can think at new workouts but for losing weight the main thing would be what he eats .if he doesn't want to , you can scare him , I don't think anyone wants to have a stroke and spend in bed or wheelchair the rest of his life. or maybe not , you know him better and know what will work with him. emoticon
    1861 days ago
    I try to convince my mum to lose weight... Still no luck...
    The only thing is food, maybe you can try to add smaller portions to his plate. Not big changes, just small ones he may not notice.
    1861 days ago
    Tell him how worried you are about him and find a way to make him go to the doctor. Tell him that if the roles were reversed he'd be insisting that you go to the doctor. Go with him to the doctor too and talk to his doctor about your concerns. I agree with BEAUTY_WITHIN as well. Cook more at home and find ways to cut the sodium. Get a crock pot if you don't have one and throw some food in it in the morning before you go to work. Then when you get home all you have to do is fix a vegetable or make a salad to go with it. Ask him to commit to walking with you twice a week. If he can do that for a month then ask him to walk with you 3 days a week the next month. Maybe see if he'll try learning a different martial arts or try yoga or kickboxing. Is there a swimming pool you can go to anywhere nearby?? You can't keep doing the same thing and expect that you are going to lose weight. You know that as well as I do but obviously your hubby doesn't. It's like someone who walks at their job all the time thinking they are getting exercise. That might have been the case when they first began but after 40 years it's no longer exercise. The body gets use to it and then it's no longer exercise. Tell him how genuinely scared you are that he is going to die!! emoticon
    1861 days ago
    Talk to him about seeing a doctor - go with him. Discuss your concerns, his concerns, see what the dr says. (Especially if his blood pressure readings are high.)

    Then maybe plan a fun weekend together, with activities that he'd like to do - to get him being more active.

    And yes, food plays a big role - but he won't change what he's eating until there's a reason to do so. Like a lecture from the doctor. Or fun stuff to do that would be more fun if he lost some weight.
    1861 days ago
    Insist that he get in to see the Dr for a complete check up, blood work, everything.
    Even if he were in optimum health, genetic can factor in some major risks.

    So what if he gets mad at you . . . it's better than the alternatives.
    If he resists . . . . give him an ol' one two punch. . .

    1861 days ago
    It took my wife literally putting a foot up my butt to get me to do anything. I had already been evicted from our room because of my snoring.

    ("Dad, are you and Mom having problems?"
    "No, son, Mom just wants to sleep. That's the key part of 'sleeping together'."
    "But what about ... um ... well ... um ... you know."
    "Not to worry, 'you know' takes care of itself."

    I'll tell you the long version of the story if you like.
    1861 days ago
    Well, high blood pressure has to do with sodium. Find ways to lower his sodium intake. I know you wanted to start cooking more, and I know you both like Chinese. Maybe look up some simple Chinese recipes and cook for you both? It got my hubby to loose some weight, and frankly, it brought us closer too.
    As far as exercise, are there any errands you can run together? Even walking the dogs, maybe you take Tazzy and ask him to take Gypsy? Or walk and get toilet paper at the Walgreens together while it's nice.
    Hope this helps!
    1861 days ago
    Darlin, with the scare I just had almost losin mine...tell yer hubby about it! Mine is 40, was very active, but, healthy eating was not on the menu, and he smoked...all the time saying hes fine, feels fine, oh yeah, should quit, should do this n that...he wanted nothing to do with anything healthy, until he darn near, tell yer hubby, I love you, and Im a greedy selfish wife! I want you around me for as long as we can stand each other!
    1861 days ago
  • ZRIE014
    two years ago i had my prostate removed because i had cancer. i decided that i could not let it get me down and to think positive. i took up walking on the treadmill to try to keep myself as health as i could because i wanted to be around for my wife. you need to talk with your husband that he needs to make an effort to help with his health because he means so much to you and you will right there to support him at every step he takes. i wish you the best. my wife and i have seen many of our friends in our senior community die over the last several years.
    1861 days ago
  • SUGAR0814
    Ask him to walk with you. Maybe start with half a mile & build on that. Tell him how important he is to you & how worried you are about his health. emoticon
    1861 days ago
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