Have to buy new lingerie...things are heating up in the bedroom!
Saturday, May 18, 2013
Well it happened. I lost weight and things started to heat up in the bedroom. For years I have worn Lanz flannel granny gowns. Sexy? No..but they provided good coverage and were not revealing in the least. I was comfortable in them. But now I have lost weight and things are heating up in the bedroom. My first thought was to tear off my nightgown but I still have kids in the house and did not think that was a prudent move. So I headed to the mall. OMG, all of these wandering, wondering men and women. I scanned the faces and didn't see anybody I knew so I quickly darted into Victoria's Secret. Really? In my mind, a whole season of ,"What not to Wear!" could have been filmed within the confines of those walls. Since when is, "She is such a loser...a total zero!" both a compliment and a "clothing"size?!? These get ups are more like itty bitty mosquito nets! They give Lady and the Tramp a whole new meaning! Then here she comes. Oh God, please don't come any closer. PLEASE don't ask me if I need any help or if I am shopping for a special occasion. " Hi! I'm Amanda. Are you looking for something special?". And that is when I let her have it. "Why yes Amanda. I am having some problems in the bedroom at night. Things are really heating up...."(her eyebrows go up).."I wake up dripping in sweat and the hot flashes are driving me crazy". A look of panic crossed her unlined face. The girl-woman was speechless and quickly backed away as if proximity and breathing the same airspace could drive her to premature menopausal madness. "Thanks Amanda but I think maybe I will head down to JC Penney and see what they have on sale". Poor Amanda. Don't worry. I'm ok. You're ok.