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"Linger" - The Cranberries

Friday, May 17, 2013

I am not sure what happened yesterday. Something (probably my reflection in the mirror) triggered something. You know what? Let's back up a bit.

Yesterday went well. I have stayed within my caloric intake all week (I actually just checked to make sure I really did!) and yesterday was no exception. The only difference with yesterday is that something about my reflection and my current size got me thinking about the future. When I lose the weight, what am I going to look like? How is my body going to adjust? Will it adjust? My body hasn't been at it's natural weight (whatever that is) in over 15 years. I have always been at least 40lbs on the heavy side ever since I was in a car accident at 19. What happened yesterday is that something in the back of my mind triggered those fearful, hopeless emotions inside me. Whatever feelings were evoked floated just out of reach in the back of my mind and just lingered. They did that for the latter half of the day and towards the end of the day I found myself fighting the urge to hit McDonalds on my way home. I DID fight it all the way home. Thankfully, that was a fight that I won, but still, it was tough. While fighting it, I also analyzed it. Why did I want to go and get McDonalds? If it was burgers I wanted, I had turkey burgers at home. It's funny. I can still recall the false sense of satisfaction that I would have received if I had stopped and given in. You know what I am talking about. That satisfaction of eating what you like to sate whatever turbulent emotions are swirling around inside you. We all have them.

As I said, I resisted temptation yesterday. Instead of eating a bunch of McDonalds cheeseburgers, I instead got home and made myself turkey burgers. The only bad thing is that I ate four of them. While I did win the physical fight to not stop at McDonalds, I ended up losing the emotional one. I ate more than I needed because I wanted to feel better. The problem is that it is just temporary. Even after I ate it, I was physically uncomfortable. I ate too much. I was past full.

But, today is a new day. While some of those emotions from yesterday are still lingering, I can claim a victory. I didn't stop at McDonalds.

Suck it McDonalds.

Edit: I just added the salad I forgot I had yesterday, so I was actually over by about 150.
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  • KJACOBS1111
    I just tell myself that fast food is fake food and think back to Super Size Me...it is there so it is always a temptation though. A long time ago I wrote a post about my inner rebel...it sounds like that's what happened with the turkey burgers...the emotional reaction, inner rebel says, how dare you say no I can't have whatever I want whenever I want! I'll show you!
    1798 days ago
    TRICIABFIT - Thanks for reading! I enjoy writing them...most days. :)

    MACSMOOTH - Thanks for the encouragement. I agree, thinking about those things doesn't change the fact that I need and want to lose the weight. I just need to think about how it will feel to be DEBT free! I will keep chipping away and one day, I won't have anything left to chip. How awesome will that be!?
    1802 days ago
    Great job passing up McDonalds. Don't let the fact that you had the turkey burgers take away from that victory.

    And don't fret about the future. I have thoughts like the ones you mentioned all the time. I haven't been at a normal weight since I was 7 years old. For my height and body frame, I could probably stand to lose another 130 pounds (my posted goal is 108 pounds away). I also wonder if it is possible for my body to adjust back. But the key is, I don't spend a lot of energy thinking on those things cause I know the answer to those questions aren't going to change the fact that I need to lose a significant amount of weight to be healthy.
    1802 days ago
    Just gotta say, I love reading your posts! Way to go on passing up McDonalds!!
    1802 days ago
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