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Court Et Doux on self love and care

Friday, May 17, 2013

My mind is constantly racing with things I want, and need, to do.

My mind is constantly racing with things I want, and need, to do. I wonder if I will ever feel emotionally safe and secure again. :::shrug::: If one more person tells me what a wonderful stepmother I am as if it's an accolade I've earned a medal for I may just explode. This is my life after all and you do the right thing...right?

I do worry that I will die before I see "my" girls grow into women—happy women, not completely stunted in their own emotional growth . I worry that my time here will end before I get to see the rest of my own dreams come to fruition. I worry that everyone I love will go before I’m ready to say goodbye, or more importantly, have a chance to say goodbye. I told one spark friend of my fear to go on our trip last week after the death of two dear friends just weeks previous leaving on a two day trip that they never returned from. BTW, we're home safe and sound but that fear still niggled....::::sigh:::

I guess, at the heart of it all, I just worry way more than I ever did and that was A LOT.

I’m not always good at telling others what I need, or don’t need, from them. Loving, at least to me, means being keenly aware of what the other person needs even when they are unable to say it for themselves.

This holds true for the relationship we with share with ourselves. Nurture being the key word, as I suspect too often we let that relationship lapse. All of the hats we wear - daughter, wife, fiance, girlfriend, employee, mother, friend, etc. etc. and then the internal "stuff" that little voice that screams inside of us all doesn’t always get the recognition it deserves.

This is a continual goal of mine and it rolls forward time and time again but I believe I am making progress. Slowly but surely as the turtle!

Make it count dear friends......
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    I think we all worry about being here for those we love and having to say goodbye to soon, or like you said not being able to say goodbye. I for one will call everyone that I love and care about before taking off on any fight even if it's just from L.A. to San Francisco. Something that we all have to accept is that we will never know when our time has come so we need to embrace life and try each and everyday to make it the best life possible. That is easier said than done but do what makes you happy and life will be a little sweeter.

    I hope you have a wonderful weekend!
    1834 days ago
    I think that so many women, and those who tend toward nurturing, in particular, fall prey to extra worry. We want to FIX everyone, and we forget to fix ourselves. When I say fix, I don't mean "to the way I want it" - I mean that we ache for them when they ache, etc., and want it to be easier for the ones we love.

    It's funny - I just mentioned Kornfield's The Wise Heart on your page - and I've found it to be helpful in quieting some of the worries. I don't know as it matters what your spiritual bent or non-spiritual bent is - there's a lot of good common sense.

    I was a MAJOR worrier until a few years ago. I've worked very hard to try to come up with other ways to love, and to love myself.

    Having said that, I'm sure that having two friends not return from a trip would cause enormous stress and worry if you were leaving for a trip.

    Take good care of yourself - deep breaths. And if you ever want a place to vent the worries - just sparkmail me. emoticon
    1835 days ago
  • 4CYNDI
    I think you share your worries with many women. The part about worrying if you will be there when... These are very real fears for you dealing with everything you do. When these thoughts start racing. Sit down with a cup of water or tea and list what you are doing to accomplish it. You are eating healthy (most of the time). You are exercising nearly every day. You are managing your health as best you can.

    YOU do the right thing, the best you can. So you don't envision that others would do less. That they are less accepting of others children into their homes and lives. Yes, I know most of them think they know what they are getting into. Reality is often less than ideal.

    Being keenly aware of what someone else wants or needs is difficult and is setting yourself up for disappointment and stress. After all, that means they (we) have to guess what you are feeling, needing and want. I admit I tend to do the same, expecting my husband or bff to know what I need without communicating at all. They need to know when I'm feeling social, or needing space, hurting or tired. How can they know unless I share?

    But then again, I seldom even acknowledge what I want/need to myself either. After all, I focus on them and my other friends, trying to be there for them. It's hard to open up and show weakness... to anyone.

    Continue making it count.
    1835 days ago
  • FUNGIRL81005
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    1835 days ago
    It sounds as if you are having some very deep and profound thoughts and feelings. Perhaps they are necessary to work your way towards your next stage of development as a person?

    I do not mean to sound glib but in my own life-time coming to terms with loss and recognizing that all good things are shot through with the potential of change---both loss and improvement---has been essential. emoticon
    1835 days ago
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  • MJRVIC2000
    Change priorities and put needs first and wants second and receive heavens blessings. God Bless YOU! Vic.
    1835 days ago
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