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I'm NOT ok . . .

Thursday, May 16, 2013

And I don’t ever want to be! To say we are “ok” means nothing. It is non-committal at best and usually an outright lie. To be “ok” is to be not good, not bad, not happy, not sad, not up, not down – basically not anything! Online definition of ok: Not excellent and not poor; mediocre; Fine; well enough; adequate.

So, if it is neutral why do I KNOW people reacted to my title? Because it has become the “norm”. We are ok. That’s the way it is supposed to be. When a co-worker asks you how you are, they usually don’t want to actually know. They expect you to say “ok, you?” They answer ok and we pretend we have interacted with each other. We have been “socially functional” for the day.

Better yet, we are “ok” when we are bothered/upset but don’t feel others will understand or feel that telling the truth would be imposing. We hide behind two little letters and swallow our feeling. We are ok, and watch the world spin out of control, all the time wondering why no one notices/cares.

I’m NOT ok! And I’m proud of that!

See, I’m not normal. I like it that way. I’m sick of playing the social norm. Playing that game is what had me gaining 75 pounds in less than 6 years. Being ok made the people around me comfortable but me depressed on the inside. Being ok made me hide in embarrassment so others wouldn’t feel awkward. Being ok made food a substitute for joy! I’m done with ok. I’m not ok!

I’m making a promise to myself right now. I’ll never be OK again. Today, I’m fabulous. I’m amazing and I’m looking forward to a great day. If that makes the person I’m talking to cringe, maybe they should figure out how to have a “fabu” day! And the next time I feel down and like I’m in a room full of dead puppies – I’m going to tell the truth. If that is uncomfortable for the person asking, so be it. I don’t need to go into details either way but I’m going to be truthful to who I am. I am who and what I am. That is an ever changing, emotional, thinking, feeling, caring person. I have baggage, usually it’s in storage but occasionally it comes out. But I’m NOT ok.

Don’t be ok, not ever again. I find I have the hardest time controlling (or at least feeling in control) of my habits when I’m overly concerned with appearing ok. No, I’m more important than ok. And so are you!

So let’s NOT be ok. Let’s not be the “norm”. Let’s be honest about who we are, how we feel, and where we are going in life. Let’s grab on to our inner selves and run with it!

I’M NOT OK! And that is a WONDERFUL thing.

If you want the inspiration for this blog, look up My Chemical Romance “I’m not OK” on YouTube. Here is a link if it works (caution, explicit lyrics):
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Good Blog. And i agree it is a totally standard answer and ppl dont really want the truth. I sometimes say i am hanging in there. I am a long way away from saying fabulous and may never be able to say that. But losing my son 15 months ago has put me on a path of a new normal. But i do say to ppl that i am comfortable with if i am feeling sad or not. Ok for me now is a good place to be and continuing on in a more spiritual healing way is my path right now. I am starting to be thankful for the sunny days. emoticon
    1802 days ago
    Imagine if there was an "OK, and you?" huddle. LOL. Also, "Fine..."
    1803 days ago
    Working retail, I HAVE to be non-committal, or neutral. We are NOT allowed to have bad days. So my response is either "I'm here" or "Working!". People laugh at "working!", so Usually I say that. I hate" OK"
    1803 days ago
    I've always just said "I'M OK" because it worked for me to cut a conversation off and avoid attention. I would just say I'm ok and not elaborate on anything, then maybe ask how they were to shift the attention onto them.
    Kitty, thanks for the post, it got me thinking. And I don't usually do that.
    1803 days ago
  • EMI794
    If the link works, this is "Never Going Back to OK" by The Afters.
    That's always bothered me, the way it's expected that if someone asks, "How are you?" you respond with "Okay!" It's not always truthful, and, as you pointed out...why are we satisfied with just being okay?
    1804 days ago
    Great blog, as usual! I read your blogs and feel like I'm looking into a window to myself :-). This one got me thinking, and I actually don't normally tell people OK. I'll say "good" or "not too bad" or "could be better" which are maybe a little bit better than OK but still pretty non-committal. So put me in the "not OK" category too...we'll see how many people still ask "how are you?" when they get more than a couple word response :-)!!!
    1804 days ago
    Love your blog. Let's be honest with you we are and maybe the world would get along better. Just a thought.
    1804 days ago
    If I am not mistaken "ok" derived from the term "all correct". And THAT, Honey, I am NOT.

    I AM NOT OKAY! emoticon High-five! Here is to being whatever our wonderful and complex beings are being! Whenever and however! emoticon emoticon Where do I sign?...
    1804 days ago
    You go girl...LET IT OUT!!
    1804 days ago
    YES!!! I've thought of this so often in my life. I work with the public, and have for my entire working life, from lifegaurding, to teaching ( kind of public) to barbering (definitely public) and I always push past "I'm OK" responses from other, or myself. I usually try to be real, honest and interested in the other. It is a little harder, becaue you are letting others in and inviting them to open themselves to you to. One honest remark often leads to another, and thus relationships are formed!!! It does take a little concentrated effort to truly be open and honest with those around you, but I feel it is sooooo worth it!!! People sense that you are open, thus trust worthy, thus someone they life to be around. It is really the snowball affect. Super cool, I'm really happy for your non-OK, fabulous-today attitude!!!!
    1804 days ago
    Good blog. Yes, it is so much easier to say "ok" than get baring your soul while passing someone in the hallway.
    1804 days ago
    Your blog reminds me of a saying: Telling people the truth won't get you a lot of friends, but it will get you the RIGHT ones. So often we get overly concerned about other people's "sensitivities" that we don't think we can tell them the truth, not even about how we're feeling that day. So everyone becomes OK and no one feels free to really express themselves. Way to go breaking out of that!
    1804 days ago
    Well, I could't agree with you more . . . it's NOT all right to be OK.

    1804 days ago
  • JUSTME29
    I want to be "not OK" too!
    1804 days ago
  • STHAX10
    emoticon emoticon emoticon I am not OK either!!!
    1804 days ago
    I am SO NOT OK!!! lololol
    1804 days ago
  • CHERYLA2012
    Love this!
    1804 days ago
  • DARLY55
    Kitty, you are a dynamo, a doer, you're astonishing, astounding, amazing, and anything but OK! emoticon
    1804 days ago
  • CIPHER1971
    Yay - Have an Awesome day, I know I will
    1804 days ago
    Life is just to short to constantly be worried about what others think:)

    Love the pink gloves by the way!
    1804 days ago
    That's right! You are awesome! So glad this blog went the way I had hoped it would! I don't want to be OK either! This made me glad I have been sharing my real feelings in my blogs too! Good for you my friend!would1
    1805 days ago
    emoticon blog... and truly said! Thanks, Kitty, for the reminder! I knew a man at work once a long time ago who had it down well.. when you asked how he was, he'd answer every time enthusiastically, "Fantastic! Just Faaaannntastic!" He always shined a light in everyone's day!
    1805 days ago
    Thanks for the blog! I'm not ok either!
    1805 days ago
    You are SO right! When I'm really upset - I tend to tell people - truth or well fashioned lie? Its amazing how much people say "lie." LOL
    1805 days ago
    There! Give'em the ol' one-two punch!

    I agree. Makes me think of the era back when "Have a Nice Day" was delivered with a big cheesy grin. I was working at an entry level job in Customer Service at Title Company at that time. The customers would come always as "How are you today?" and proceed with there request. Often I would come back with an equally cheesy grin and some unpredictable reply ("Oh, I broke my leg yesterday, how about you?")

    It seems that most people don't really want an answer. They just want what they want.

    I'm with you! Who wants to settle for just okay?
    Let's make today fantabulous !!!!
    1805 days ago
    Actually today...and truly the entire month of May...mostly I SUCK! emoticon But I will regain my traction...I always do. We really have no other choice do we?

    I love your's just what I really needed to be REAL today.

    Thanks are one in a million! emoticon
    1805 days ago
    I'm glad that you are not ok, be proud of that! I am not ok either and that is the way it should be!
    1805 days ago
  • 1EMMA2011
    I agree, OK isn't a feeling! Very smart Kitty!

    1805 days ago
    Ok is the socially acceptable way to be passive aggressive - I'm am with you - I was passive aggressive for way too long - I am surprised my partner lived through it when i realized just how bad I had become. There is such a thing as TMI - but that border is someone elses, not mine.
    1805 days ago
    lol , it depends . I was bad and terrible this year so I'll take the ok anytime . and the social norm here is not ok , nobody answers ok , they all are "woe is me " and the usual answer is terrible so if you are not really interested in everybody's mishaps , better not ask anything (kidding , of course you ask). that's why western people say about us that we're sad and don't smile. we're not sad but almost no one smiles if he doesn't feel like it. I don't say it's a good thing, it's just like that. I quit trying to behave when I was 16 so whatever feels right for you is ok emoticon
    1805 days ago
    Good blog, Kitty. I do find when most people ask how you are doing, really don't care. it is usually a conversation starter. I, too, have gotten into trouble in the past for speaking up, but "oh well" !!

    I agree, it OKAY to not be OK !!

    1805 days ago
    emoticon OK is my answer to people who I feel are just asking me how I am for something to start a conversation. My friends don't have to ASK me how I am, they know! I will probably continue to be OK to those people, because they really don't care.....
    1805 days ago
  • HHB4181
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1805 days ago
    emoticon I am right there with you, but it is a hard habit to break. I say I am okay when I want to brush someone off. lol
    1805 days ago
    I agree, this whole "I'm okay, you're okay" world we live in has to go!
    I am FANTASTIC today -- and I will refuse to be "ok" right along with you.
    I find that I use the "I'm ok" answer when I am really far from "ok" and either I know the person that said "how are you?" really doesn't want to know, or I don't want to tell that particular person. Still -- nothing wrong with saying, "Right now I'm not having a good day, but it's bound to get better!" or SOMETHING rather than claiming to be neutral and mediocre all the time!!
    1805 days ago
    I think I"ll just continue being weird. I'm good with it. emoticon
    1805 days ago
    I say OK when, how I am, is none of their business... LOL
    1805 days ago
    Amazing entry! And so well-said!
    Let's NOT be ok! Let's express our feelings!

    emoticon emoticon
    1805 days ago
    I'm not OK either, and I love it! Enjoy your FABULOUS day!
    1805 days ago
    I love this blog. But I warn you, I've tried telling the truth--whether it be I'm outstanding or I feel like I'm in a room full of dead puppies--and many people don't want to hear it. They just want to hear that you're okay, and go on with their day. It bugs me how people walk by me and say "Hi, how are you," and keep walking. I want to jump in front of them, look in their eyes and answer...why else ask that? I need eye contact to feel like I'm conversing with someone.

    I'm proud to be NOT okay with you. Today, I'm tired, but my day looks to be pretty great so far. The sun is shining, I'm woke up and I get to walk Jasper in a few hours.

    Make it a great day, Kitty!
    1805 days ago
    1805 days ago
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