15,000-19,999 SparkPoints 16,687

struggling, kinda, but also kinda okay

Monday, May 13, 2013


The scale is up down up down, stick up, down again. It bothered me a little maybe last week? Today I'm just... not caring. My size 16 pants fit. Last weekend they were tight after a party, I was feeling bloated. Now I feel normal and like me again and they fit, so... meh. Whatever, scale. I have apparently "gained" four pounds, but I can't so much notice where they might BE, so I don't so much care.

UM, gym class? Is amazing. (this is gym class at my new Has A Pool gym btw. To be clear from now on I will call it Fancy Gym, and the other gym I joined with husby last year is Cheap Gym. heh.)

It's a small class, just 4 people, meets every Monday morning for an hour, for six weeks. So it's kind of the in-between of group classes and individual personal training sessions. Some individual attention, yet WAY CHEAPER than private sessions.

Husby is taking it with me! Originally because they didn't have enough people & they weren't going to run the class. Now I think he's getting into it & looking forward to getting something out of it. He never changes up his gym routine (elliptical for 30 minutes, then a couple sets of bench press) so it'll be good for him.

Last Monday we had mostly fitness tests and meeting with the trainer to talk about what we want to work on. I took my weight, measurements, and pictures that morning, but then she took weight and measurements too so I'll have 2 ways to assess progress. Yay! We did assisted pull ups, leg press, rows on the cable machine, and uh... something else I forget.

Also a "fitness test" on the fancy computerized bike. I tested in the 10th percentile, "above average" which surprised me, but I guess it shouldn't. Between the running training last year and all the mad swimming I've been doing, cardio-wise I'm in pretty great shape. I think that's 10th percentile for women my age AND WEIGHT though, not women my age in general. But still! Husby got all competitive because he only got "average". He kept trying to blame the bike, and the trainer. "Well, she was talking to me so I couldn't concentrate! Otherwise I'd have finished one more level and got above average..." hahaha.

I have no upper body strength. I put on as much assist weight as I could, and still I can barely do 6 chin ups. Though, I could make excuses that that's because the machine is not designed for obese people! If I weighed 150 pounds I could put 130 pounds of assist on and be lifting only 20 pounds. Since I weigh 250 pounds, and the max assist is 150, I have to lift 100 pounds of my body weight. Which I can't so much do.

Though remind me to tell you the story of the weight assist chin up machine at Cheap Gym, and how I got stuck in it one time. Hahahaha. At the time it was terrible, but in hindsight it's hilarious. I'm going to do pictures & the whole thing.

So that was that. I told her (the trainer) I want to work on my form & learn lifts I can keep using, especially squats and deadlifts. Build muscle & strength.

Oh we start with foam rolling, which I love and husby hates. He can't figure it out. It's frustrating because I try to help him and he just gets mad, but also kind of hilarious because... it's foam rolling. Lie on the thing. Move it around. Does it hurt? Do it some more where it hurts. Rocket science!!!

Today we did a whole routine, it was crazy. My legs are like "...walk up the stairs. Oh, no. I think not." hahaha. We started with core work. Apparently I also have NO CORE WHATSOEVER. OMG. It's RIDICULOUS. I am super pathetic, so that is my homework. I have to do all the torturous things we did today, again, some more, a lot. Every day. AHHH. We also did ten billion things for glutes. Guess what I also have none of at all? Yeah. That would be where my running injury came from.

Breaking news: SQUATS ARE HARD. I thought they were easy, which is because I was doing them super wrong. When you actually use proper form and squat deep you need 1) glutes and 2) abs, both of which I pretty much feel like I was born without. HOLY CRAP. AHH. Then we did squat jumps which I hate. Then some sideways crab walk partial squat thing with a band, which I hate but love, because I feel the burn. They're like clams from physical therapy, but better for my cranky little muscle (I have no idea what it is called, but there's this small muscle deep in your butt, and mine is so weak and angry.) Then we did bent over rows which mostly were hard because we were supposed to bend our knees and my leg muscles were like "NOPE! We're out!" Then "inchworms" which are awful.

I can't decide if I hate squat jumps or inchworms more. I think inchworms. Both make me feel like puking; inchworms are also terribly painful. I'm good at the walking my feet up part because that's stretching hamstrings and calves and I'm super stretchy. But then the "walk your hands out" part, generally requires upper body strength and abs which... no.

So yeah. I had trouble walking down my stairs when I left for work today. hahaha. This is a good sign. I told the trainer "If I feel like crying at some point that's a good thing. You did your job." Hahahaha!

So that's Beast Mode Class. It's immediately followed by Noodle Mode.

Swim class is going well also. Two weeks ago we did sprints, which I discovered I am awesome at. As long as I only have to swim ONE lap, and then I get a rest, I can go super fast! And I don't need much rest to be able to do it again. After like 5 sprints everybody else was dying, and I was like "WHEEEE THIS IS FUN!"

This week we did some kick work. Apparently I have been doing breaststroke kick wrong my entire life. Which is embarrassing, because... no one ever taught me a different one! Gimme a break! We did a lot of Water Torture - I mean, butterfly. I know I must be swimming, because eventually I make it to the other end of the pool, but I pretty much just feel like I'm flailing in the water and not going anywhere.

This week we did butterfly kick practice on our backs and then on our sides. Also known as "Drowning." Normally on your back your face is out of the water so you can breathe. Ditto the side lying flutter kick. I must just suck at those for butterfly because I was just underwater, or a wave would come over my face right as I tried to take a breath. Water Torture! Hate it! I can't really concentrate on making my kick better when all my attention is focused on not drowning...

I did better overall though - I'm still the slowest, but not by as much. I kept up much better this week. And even for some things I'm the second slowest! One of the guys is faster than me on full strokes, but he has like NO kick. So whenever we're just kicking, especially backstroke, I'm like ZOOOOOOOOOOOM! EAT MY BUBBLES! hahahaha.

I got new toys with my birthday money. Got a heart rate monitor! Fun! Right now I'm just using it to 1) play with, because NEW TOY, and 2) keep track of my time and calories burned for a workout. It confirms that the SP tracker overestimates how many calories I burn on an exercise bike or during any weight lifting workout. So I'm gonna wear it just for the extra info. When I start running again I'll use it to help push myself to go faster.

I also got new swim caps, and paddles for pull training for swim (YAAAAAAY PADDLES).

So fitness is kind of crazy and good. I had to force myself to take rest days last week. I had swim class Saturday, swam on Sunday, Beast Mode class Monday, swam on Tuesday, gym on Wednesday, and Wednesday afternoon my package came. So I was like WOOOO new toys! for swimming Thursday, but then I realized, normally husby and I go to Cheap Gym on Friday mornings. Plus swim class Saturday. That would be eight days straight with no rest. Plus I was just exhausted in general, I have a lot going on. So I skipped swimming on Thursday, and ended up oversleeping on Friday. Got some rest and extra sleep.

Besides rest, the other struggle is food. For the last month (I'm staring at My Reports for April 13-May13 right now) I've been over my calorie range more than I've been in or under it. So that needs work. A couple of those days (~4) have been really close though. Like, "over" by less than 100 calories.

But still. Gotta crack down on that. I'm not sure what it is, exactly. I've tried some different things with no real success. I tried eating more breakfast, or different foods for satiety. Nope! It seems like, for me, eating a ~500 calorie breakfast instead of a ~300 calorie breakfast actually makes me eat MORE all day. Ditto eating something fatty like nut butter. I'm going to go back to my Greek yogurt + sweet potato to eliminate that as a variable.

Lunch has been okay MOSTLY, as long as I pack something decent. I had a problem last week where I was eating up leftover pasta salad (lower calorie & lots of veggies, though!) and I would crash, falling asleep on my desk after lunch. Too carby, I think?

Snacks have been hit or miss, and dinner has more often than not been a complete disaster. I had a couple of nights that were good, but more nights of takeout or just too much.

One of my problems has been I am HUNGRY right when I get home. I need to try cooking in advance. Like, tonight I'll cook 2 things, one for today & one for tomorrow. Then if I'm hungry when I get home tomorrow, I'll just eat instead of snacking like a ravenous beast while I wait for husby to come home.

I think some of the sugar/carb cravings are TOM related so I'm hoping those abate later this week or next week. I was trying to be nice & bought cookies for husby, then ended up eating a LOT of them myself. Booo. Next time I need to stick to my plan of buying cookies I don't like, if any.

I was really snacky all weekend, especially Saturday. I definitely had some emotional eating problems last week. Stressful stuff is going on right now. I'm feeling better today (don't really want to get into it yet. nothing life or death though, don't worry) so hopefully that will help with the food thing.

I'm just going to keep going with the exercise, and try to focus on the food thing. I think I need to clean out my pantry and fridge and sort of start over with a new plan for spring. Hopefully I can work on that this week.
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I hear you I'm having a very weird month I don't know what the problem is but I'm getting back on track.
    1862 days ago
    Girlie, I swear your life and mine are mirror images! Except, well, you're WAY better at all of this stuff than me. Except butterfly-I can do that fairly well. I spent several years on swim team when I was younger (and WAY smaller).

    And you're brave enough to do the tracker, even when you know it won't be pretty. Not me. I'm a chicken. I'll get there though. Even though I put back on about 14lbs in the last 2 months (started with being snowed in and just went downhill from there).

    But if you can get back to it with the food, so can I!
    emoticon emoticon

    1865 days ago
    I love your blogs! I think I say that every time, but it's true. When I started with a personal trainer 2 years ago, I couldn't do 1 push up! I couldn't believe it. I admire your enthusiasm over the pain you endure after a workout. I enjoyed the results, but the pain - not so much.

    You are doing so great! You'll figure out the food and have good days and bad days, but you're still moving forward. It sounds like you're working out a lot harder right now, so make sure you're eating enough calories to fuel your body for what you're putting it through.

    emoticon emoticon
    1867 days ago
    OMG Squats suck! How is it possible to have so much butt and so little muscle? LOL

    If I don't eat every three hours I end up devouring everything in sight. Most days I have a balance or zone bar between breakfast and lunch after I hit the gym, and and apple with peanut butter around 2:30. Baby carrots also work to curb the snack beast for me...nice and crunchy! It sounds like you're doing a great job of trying things out to see what works best for you, just stick with it and you'll get there!
    1867 days ago
  • MINEA999
    You'll be happy to know that you were not the only one born without core muscles or glutes. I too am deformed that way. I swear. So I totally hear ya - but you're doing SO much better than I am.

    Even with the swimming - I love simming but you're obviously way better at it than me. I mean - you do the flailing thing (butterfly) - I'm way to embarrased to even try that in a public pool. I mean - what if I accidentally drown myself?

    Now buck up and get a hold of those extra calories chiquita. I might suggest eliminating the cookies as a start. hehe.

    1867 days ago
    Squats are the DEVIL. Great job!
    1867 days ago
    HAHAH my man gets angry & mad over silly things too (yours its foam roller mine gets mad at EASY yoga) it brings humor to the workout for sure.
    Glad your new fancy gym is working out for ya! sounds like a blast!

    1867 days ago
    Oh, and the eating, you will get there. Keep going, keep making those positive changes. You are doing great.
    1867 days ago
    Well, so awesome that you are doing so well!!!
    1867 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

More Blogs by LOLATURTLE