Tips for Coping When Mother's Day is Hard for You

Sunday, May 12, 2013

There are 2 coupon inserts today and next Sunday; then none the Memorial Holiday weekend of May 26; but ALDIs will have a ton of meat marked down when they reopen on Tuesday morning May 28th.

I didn't go to church but am considering going tonight at 6:00pm. I miss worship when I don't go. Corporate worship is just a different blessing from private worship, tho both are blessed.

I wasn't on duty to serve at the bookstore this morning, & Mother's Day is a sorepoint. In premarital counseling a potential red flag was that I had my heart set on 8 kids, and he wanted 6. We agreed to a compromise; if the Lord blessed us with children, we'd plan on having 6, and re-evaluate whether or not to continue. I was happy with that. Very happy until leukemia took his life. We buried him on what we had coincidentally planned to be our wedding day (just turned out that way). And now Mother's Day, on a personal level anyway, symbolizes all of "my life before", all I've lost. Mother's Day is like the exclamation point on a paragraph describing my life before.

It didn't help that I had a strained relationship with my own mother. Now I realize the whole family did. Knowing what I know now, I realize she was undiagnosed with mental illness all of her life. I'm not a doctor, but I am certain. She passed away Nov 25, 2012; in time to be Home for Christmas.


1. Deliberately Focus on Others

Make a new tradition in your personal life that takes the focus of the day OFF OF YOU, your grief, your loss.

Don't run from memories or pretend; focus on something else, something other than yourself. Other mothers - celebrate them. Other people who need mothers. Other people who are missing their mothers. Celebrate other family members' motherhood. Do you have a sister (daughter, cousin, niece, friend, neighbor) who's a great mom? Let her know, send an old fashioned card (next year), call her, give her a gift certificate good for one "Mother's Day Out" (you'll watch the kids and cook dinner), or express your admiration and celebrate. Count to ten to help take the focus off yourself: celebrate other mothers, visit a nursing home, call friends and family. You'll feel great after blessing 10 others. Keep busy all morning, all afternoon, and all evening, and try to keep the focus off yourself, keep redirecting the focus of your mind and emotions all day long, off of yourself and onto others. (A healthy exercise any day of the year.)

2. Remember the Good

There is always good to remember, there are always blessings to count. If there are none directly related to your mother, or no children of your own to thank God for, well your mom still gave birth to you, so start there, and then find 9 other things you can practice gratitude about. Do you have hands that work? How about legs? Eyes that see? How about a working brain? Many don't have those things. My mother died in an Alzheimer's unit. Count to ten to realize how much you have, be grateful, and thank God for those blessings. Use your hands to bless your home or someone else; use your legs to go to a neighbor next door and take them something; use your eyes to write a love letter to someone and mail it . . . REMEMBER the good, and then take the focus off of yourself by DOING good.

3. Leave a Memorial

You can leave a memorial for your mother or children at home on the kitchen table, in your journal, in a donation of flowers to the church, or decorate grave(s). The bleeding hearts in this blog are in my mother's memory; one of her favorite flowers tho she had many. If you never knew your mother, you can create a memorial and every time you see it you can say a prayer, either for her or thanking God for giving you life through her. You can plant a flower, a bush, a tree, write them a letter even if they're no longer here, or light a candle.

4. Honor Your Father and Mother

Abuse and other dysfunction are NOT honourable and are NOT to be honored. The best way to honor them in those situations, is by LIVING AN HONORABLE LIFE in your own life. Live a better, honorable, strong, courageous life that wins over and rises above where you came from.

5. Counseling

You know whether or not you need more help. If you do, get a counselor, go to GriefShare, get in a group, and get in recovery. Everyone grew up in a dysfunctional situation, and everyone has baggage. But when you're turning 30 or older, and still having problems, then it's time to unpack the Samsonite with a professional. Even the First Family had major dysfunction: Eve ate the apple, the Bible says Adam sinned first because he let her; and their childrens' sibling rivalry resulted in Cain murdering Able. We're ALL dysfunctional! And many times, we all need help with it. In a six year period I lost my dad, sister, and mother. GriefShare can help.

And for all you wonderful SparkMothers out there, I admire you greatly and want to wish you a wonderful day! You deserve it!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thank you for posting this.
    1832 days ago
    A very good Blog! Well done. could not have said it any better! susana
    1833 days ago
    good stuff!
    1833 days ago
    Wow what a great blog. I am so glad you shared these tips for coping with Mothers Day when it is hard due to tragedy or loss. emoticon
    1834 days ago
    Loved the bleeding hearts. Mine have not bloomed yet.

    Mother's day is rough for many of us. My step grandma died on mother's day. My step mom and mom both died in their early to mid 60s.

    Your story was very sad to me. My first fiancee died as well - abruptly. It was a very difficult time. emoticon
    1835 days ago
    It is difficult when an important person in your life has undiagnosed mental illness and is not treated. Of course, in some cases they have been urged to get help, but feel that to do that would be acknowledging weakness, so continue in their way.

    I was fortunate to have 6 children out of 15 pregnancies.
    1835 days ago
    Thank you!

    I missed the boat on being a mom in this lifetime and your blog is lovely.

    I honour myself pretty much every year buy gifting myself on Mother's Day, with a gift or eating out. Today, I'll buy a book on health.

    All the best!

    1835 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/12/2013 3:30:00 PM
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