I'm a mess!
Saturday, May 11, 2013
I make plans to lose weight, work out, eat better but then I never follow through. I have blog after blog about how it will be different this time but nothing ever changes. My weight is currently at 348.2..... WTF!!! When I was under 300 I said I would never see it again. When I got down to 270 I knew I would never get to 300 again.... but here I am, back where I began. Four years, 80 lbs! Why couldn't I have LOST 80 lbs these past four years?!?!?! I would be at 190 right now! I would be in wonderland!!!! 20 lbs a year should be easy to lose. Per year I ate 70,000 more calories than I burned... in the four years that is a total of 280,000!!!! Holy SH*T!!! What the hell am I doing?!?!? I would love to say that this time is different, that I will make permanent changes... but I don't know that I will. I'm excited about the Spark Solution Challenge, I feel like I can easily make changes in those two weeks. But what will happen when I get back into the city, where there are so many things I haven't had in so long that I crave? What will happen when winter comes again, darkness takes over, and I go to bed at 7 pm? I want a baby.... hopefully in the next two years. Due to having endometriosis I'm not sure how that baby will come to me but it will. I want to go to Disney before his/her first birthday. I want to be comfortable walking, running, playing, enjoying life with my child. I want to teach my child how to live a healthy life. I always thought that I would be at a healthy weight by the time my child came. But now, two years isn't a long time, I would need to lose 40 lbs a year to get back to 270... 75 lbs a year to get to where I COULD have been if I had lost 20 lbs a year instead of gained it... I know I can do it because I did it before, but I just can't seem to get going and keep the momentum going. Hopefully the Spark Solution will help with that.