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I'm a mess!

Saturday, May 11, 2013

I make plans to lose weight, work out, eat better but then I never follow through. I have blog after blog about how it will be different this time but nothing ever changes. My weight is currently at 348.2..... WTF!!! When I was under 300 I said I would never see it again. When I got down to 270 I knew I would never get to 300 again.... but here I am, back where I began. Four years, 80 lbs! Why couldn't I have LOST 80 lbs these past four years?!?!?! I would be at 190 right now! I would be in wonderland!!!! 20 lbs a year should be easy to lose. Per year I ate 70,000 more calories than I burned... in the four years that is a total of 280,000!!!! Holy SH*T!!! What the hell am I doing?!?!? I would love to say that this time is different, that I will make permanent changes... but I don't know that I will. I'm excited about the Spark Solution Challenge, I feel like I can easily make changes in those two weeks. But what will happen when I get back into the city, where there are so many things I haven't had in so long that I crave? What will happen when winter comes again, darkness takes over, and I go to bed at 7 pm? I want a baby.... hopefully in the next two years. Due to having endometriosis I'm not sure how that baby will come to me but it will. I want to go to Disney before his/her first birthday. I want to be comfortable walking, running, playing, enjoying life with my child. I want to teach my child how to live a healthy life. I always thought that I would be at a healthy weight by the time my child came. But now, two years isn't a long time, I would need to lose 40 lbs a year to get back to 270... 75 lbs a year to get to where I COULD have been if I had lost 20 lbs a year instead of gained it... I know I can do it because I did it before, but I just can't seem to get going and keep the momentum going. Hopefully the Spark Solution will help with that.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Losing weight will NOT fix your life. Fix the problem, and the weight will take care of itself.

    Reinhard Engels, creator of the No S Diet, said:
    "Don't look at your problem as being too heavy. Look at your problem as two behavioral problems 1) eating too much 2) moving too little. Both of these need to be solved. Solving just one "too much" isn't a real solution."

    Yes, it's NOT about "losing the weight", is it? Anybody can lose weight. We've all lost weight and gained it back & then some, gained it back with extra friends attached, haven't we? And losing that weight didn't fix the problem, did it? NO. No sadly, it did not. Fix the REAL problem, eating & exercise, fix the two behavioral problems - not patch them, not bandaid them, not a diet, but FIX them - and the weight will take care of itself.

    Thursday I had a paradigm shift and now understand for the "first" (millionth) time, that it will be daily eating correctly and not too much for the rest of my life, and it will be daily exercise and starting to move enough each and every day for the rest of my life, that is required to FIX the problem. I already knew that, re, mental assent, before Thursday. But on Thursday, it became part of my Values System that I understood at the heart level. In other words, a new lifestyle from the one I currently have and currently lived with up til now, is what is required to FIX the problem.
    2346 days ago
    I understand and relate to your frustration. I plateaued for a long while and then started gaining weight again. I haven't been able to get back on track for losing weight in a long while. I got in the habit of tracking again and did well for awhile and then stopped. I can use work and a busy life as an excuse but I won't bother. The plain fact is I am not making losing weight a priority right now. I have too many competing interests and too many other things to do. I choose to let myself eat poorly and uncontrolled and not exercise. It is as simple as that. I choose to make other things a priority. It is a hard fact to own up to but that is where I am at right now. I am hoping soon my healthy will come back into the for front but for right now I have to live with decisions and accept where I am at.

    What do you have going on in your life that is competing with your obviously strong desire to lose weight?
    2346 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/11/2013 11:01:33 AM
    Take it one day at a time. IE start today to make healthier choices, not tomorrow, not next week and keep doing your best to make healthier choices each meal, each day. If you mess up, and you will, get right back up on that horse/wagon and make good choices the next meal, the next snack, etc. Don't think about how many pounds you have to loose. Just try and be a healthier person and live a healthier lifestyle and the weight should follow. It won't be easy, that is for sure, but it is doable. It took me 2 years to loose 50 lbs., but have managed to keep it mostly off so far after 2.5 years. (Weighing a tad heavy by a few pounds lately and trying to now get rid of those few pounds and it is proving to be a challenge, as always.)

    2346 days ago
  • no profile photo FLUFFYWONKENOBE
    It's frustrating to keep covering the same ground over & over again, I know . . . I've done it myself many times!

    Try to use the past experiences to learn more about yourself & what it is that causes you to "fall off the wagon" so that this time around you can work on changing those circumstances.

    Nothing is a guarantee, every day we have to make choices to either eat well or not, move more or not. And it's so easy to get "lazy" about our choices, or to let "life" get in the way. I saw a quote yesterday that really hit home to me -

    "If it's important to you, you'll find a way. If not, you'll find an excuse"

    So decide how important being healthy is to you . . . if it's very important, then you need to find a way to make it a top priority in your life.

    Also try making changes that you know you can live with for the long haul . . . otherwise you'll find it easier to give up & give in after a while.

    emoticon emoticon
    2346 days ago
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