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You gonna order that?

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Ah, it's amazing to see how people react to overweight people sometimes, especially in a restaurant.

Standing in line to get my take-out food recently, I noticed two teeny-weeny teeny boppers throwing a shocked look in my direction.

Next to them, I felt like a beached whale and wanted to disappear.

I placed my order with them looking at me, or so it seemed.

While this is going on, I imagined they might be thinking, "you gonna order that?" when I ordered a foot-long sub, as opposed to the tiny 6-inch sub size that they ordered.

I'm not yet ready for 6-inch subs, at least in most cases. I'm sorry, but my appetite just can't stand that as a meal.

I fit it all in my tracker, one way or another, but they don't know that.

Anyway, it's funny how one moment I might feel okay about myself and at peace with my appearance and how that all can go away in an instant the moment a skinny person throws me a shocked stare or says something completely insensitive.

Fortunately, nothing was said to me, although I wouldn't doubt something was said, as the chatter eventually ensued, at least a few decibels below any one else's hearing.

Of course it would be rude of me to listen, and I wouldn't want to hear anyway, but it was bouncing around the back of my mind as I noticed them there after that obvious stare I just received.

It's weird how such a moment can make even a repaired self esteem retreat. The old tattered and beaten up version of self esteem that I thought I left behind crept up on me again.

It makes me wonder just how fragile my newly-repaired self esteem really is. And here I thought it was getting stronger.

I guess I better strengthening it - building up those self esteem muscles.

I'd like to anyway, so next time I find myself needing a strong self esteem, it's there waiting for me.

I remember once being in a grocery store parking lot and some guy yelled out his window at me, "doesn't that car have a weight limit?"

I was mortified.

I hurried into my car after loading my groceries in the trunk and drove off in tears. I also avoided going to that store on that day at that time just in case I might bump into him again.

It's really sad actually. I didn't know the guy. I didn't look at him long enough to pick him out of a lineup, and here I'm altering my schedule for this guy.

What a creep. This guy was a grown man, not a teenager. I would expect that of someone who was young, but this guy was not, or certainly in my quick glance didn't appear to be so.

Unfortunately, maturity and wisdom don't always accompany age.

I wish I had a quick comeback for the guy, but I'm not sure that he would have left me alone if I said something.

So out of fear, I kept my mouth shut.

Wow. What a prison that fear is. I want out!


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Member Comments About This Blog Post

    I have been there and it is hard..Some people tear us down because of their own insecurity, doesn't make us feel any better though. I'm sorry you ever had to feel that way.. none of us deserve that.

    I am proud of your efforts to make you healthier.. Day by Day , step by step we will get there..

    1868 days ago
  • WILLOW49
    Ignorant people aren't worth any of your time! Stay focused and move forward! emoticon
    1869 days ago
  • JLITT62
    People don't think about us nearly as much as we think they do! Remember, confidence is sexy.
    1869 days ago
    Baby steps! You ARE getting stronger! Don't give ANYONE the power to take that away from you!

    1869 days ago
    Sometimes I think we are making more of such an incident because we ate sensitive.
    I understand what you say. Usually those people have problems too, different to ours but still there.
    1869 days ago
  • _BABE_
    This may sound cliché but how horrible must that guy feel about himself that he has to bolster his esteem by picking on a stranger. We all have scars growing up as fat kids and unfortunately some of the battles continues on into adulthood. As you get stronger you won't see it as much because you will carry yourself differently and that will send a message that speaks volumes.
    1869 days ago
  • MINEA999
    I can relate on so many levels. I know that feeling of wondering if people are staring at you or watching you when you order food (incidentally, something that's working for me at Subway is to order a footlong turkey, with cheese, veggies and honey mustard but pull off the tops and eat it open faced. Still get lots of veggies in but less bread and save about 200 calories - just an idea to share).

    And I can think of several instances where someone said or yelled something for no apparent reason other than they're an *sshole who likes being mean. I may not have reacted at the time, keeping a stoic face but inside it made a scar. I'm full of scars.

    And it is weird how such a moment can make a repaired self esteem retreat. It happened to me yesterday and again today. I"m not sure if the person even knows they did it, I'm that fragile that they may think all is good but I'm quite hurt inside because I was feeling good about something and now I'm suddenly not.

    Fear is a terrible thing - and I lot of us live in. Fear of breaking out of old patterns, fear of speaking up, fear of loving ourselves even.

    I want out too.

    1869 days ago
    People are so ignorant. You are the better person
    1869 days ago
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