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Attitude and Patience

Friday, May 10, 2013

I am practicing patience quite a bit these days and my attitude, well I continue to keep it as positive as I can through the daily challenges.

Yesterday's 2 hour session was very difficult emotionally - especially for my oldest who attended to try to help her younger sister and was faced with some very harsh words that came from the mouth of a very sad and unwell 12 year old. The perceptions of these girls in how things are is so distorted and their opposing personalities - my oldest being the most sensitive soul and the youngest being a very strong personality makes for some clashing.

We came out with a plan to implement for the next week that was simple enough... to have respect for one another (no name calling, no threats and watching our tone of voice - no screaming/yelling and to work on our communication). I posted this along with the poster below on our fridge as a reminder.

Out of this difficult session, where many tears were shed... I held strong but couldn't help to shed a tear when we were asked to state to each other what we liked or respected in each other... and my oldest daughter stated that she admired how I held things together and how no matter what I always found some positive even in hard situations. To hear that meant so much!!

I voiced in the session that my most precious gift for this Mother's Day Sunday would be for us to have a conflict free, peaceful and positive day! The girls agreed... and I'm looking forward to it because CHEFKATLEANER is coming to join us and we'll be cooking up a nice meal together from her new middle eastern recipe book. A true 'girls' day...

Now as I practice the attitude of gratitude... I had to reflect at the end of this very draining day the good that came...

1. I received my Spark Solution book which I will read today and over the weekend. I did read some reviews on the team board about the shopping list being a bit much - but I'm sure adjustments can be made or repeating meals can happen to save some money.

2. I came home and did some stuff with my youngest daughter (in the session it was evident she too was seeking more time with mom so I am working on that ... all the while I did voice to them that in the scheme of things - mom still needs her own time). We went shopping, baked some banana muffins and then I made some broccoli soup.

3. My friend... he messaged me to say he would be out of touch until his return from Vegas next Wed morning... but alas...
Only in the agony of parting do we look into the depths of love.
- George Eliot
In all of this chaos and drama with my girls, I am thankful for this constant in my life right now. Whenever I think of him and the time we spend together it makes me smile. I won't lie though - it will be tough with the no contact zone - since we've been communicating daily since March, but he did say he would make sure we saw each other before he leaves again next weekend for Italy (for 10 days). I have peace in my heart about this one... not like some past ones where I felt desperate or doubting ... I'm simply going with the flow and being patient and keeping a good attitude and it's paying off...

All in all - life is Good - and today is Friday!! I welcome the weekend and continuing my AF streak - day 12 today!! Incredibly, as I go through this difficult time, the old me would have been using the drinks as a crutch for release or to lose myself, but I can't afford to do that now. I need to be FULLY present to deal with the matter at hand and being AF for this reason is a no brainer and really so far, has been easier than I could have ever imagined. Funny how when life priorities come into play some habits just go out the window - in order to make room for better things to come in.
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  • AME4IT
    in the big picture, it sounds like your session was beneficial. you each got to share your thoughts and feels and now have a more open line of communication.
    2349 days ago
    Sounds like your session was painful, yet productive. Your positive attitude will help you get through it. It's great that your daughter wants to spend more time with you. Your an awesome mother, as your oldest daughter has confirmed. It's going to take time to heal the pain, in the long run you will all be stronger for the efforts put forth.

    Congrat's on day 12 being AF

    Have a wonderful Mother's Day.

    2352 days ago
    Here's a tiny but powerful strategy my famliy learned in counseling-
    maybe the girls will agree to try it for you on Mother's Day.
    It's the Hug-a-Day program.
    agree that,
    despite all your differences and history,
    you are family and love each other,
    then spend ONE MINUTE a day hugging each other.
    You don't have to say a word,
    but everyone needs to commit to one minute a day.
    Try it for one week.
    It is powerful.

    2352 days ago
  • KIPPER15
    I am glad the session went well, even though it was hard on all of you. Sounds like you are all making break throughs. Have a lovely Mother's day. emoticon
    2352 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2352 days ago
    Your session sounds painful, but very positive. What a wonderful gift your older daughter gave you in how she perceives you. What a great gift your younger daughter gave you in wanting to spend more time with you. Excellent indeed.

    I received my book yesterday also and looked it over. I have to make a few substitutions and reached out to the SparkCoach for some suggestions. I also know that there may be a couple of meals out, etc. I am going to make extras of some things and freeze them towards certain meals and substitute certain fruits and vegetables rather than buy a lot of very different things. I think that would help. And, when I looked at the list a second time, I realized that I already have things like baking powder in the pantry alread. I'm looking forward to trying out so many of the recipes.

    Have a wonderful Mother's Day, Helene! And to the rest of you Moms out there as well.
    2352 days ago
    Kudos! You all survived the family session, and a positive plan is emerging. Wonderful! Hold your head VERY high. You're doing a stellar job.

    You know, most of us just don't like asking for help, but YOU have grabbed the bull by the horns to make life better any way possible. Whatever it takes.

    And CONGRATS on day #12. Good job.

    HUGS and here's to living with clarity in the present.
    2352 days ago
    First, emoticon on your streak of being AF!

    Second. Remember perception is reality for your girls, it is their reality even if it isn't anybody else's.

    Third. You are fantastic! You are the hero! They are so BLESSED to have YOU for their mother.

    Fourth. You WILL get there! With your girls and with your love life.

    Last and not least. You should be so PROUD of yourself! emoticon

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2352 days ago
    It is amazing how you can give birth to 2 daughters and they can be so different! I look at mine sometimes and shake my head thinking "They came out of the same womb!" You are doing such hard work right now, and it will pay off! Happy upcoming Mother's day!

    2352 days ago
    I like that first quote!! So true, too. I'm enjoying SparkSolution so far. I haven't flipped to looke at the shopping list -- I'll have to do that at lunchtime today.

    Have a super weekend!! Keep on Sparkin'!! emoticon
    2353 days ago
    Sending warm emoticon
    2353 days ago
    2353 days ago
    OHOH OH I am so happy for you!
    First cos I thought of it was "I have peace in my heart about this one... not like some past ones where I felt desperate or doubting .." I truly believe that is what is different and right. You are as OMG I NEED you are taking it as it will come. I am so glad for you.
    Second AF!!!!!!!!!!!! I think the being present and having it all together is where it is and glad you see that. I know I have given you grief but think it is cos I could read that in your posts that - you and the girls needed that clairity. It was never you are a bad person or mother.
    and to reiterate that....
    "my oldest daughter stated that she admired how I held things together and how no matter what I always found some positive even in hard situations". I know how much that had to mean and yes I would have tears too. Especially when she has had her hard times recently too.
    I so wish that you have a happy mothers day and a peaceful one too. Things will get better, I hope there are more councelling sessions booked and it gets easier with time to talk openly.

    2353 days ago
    You put it all there and now you are working on a solution for all of you. Take time to count the blessings you have and the blessings that will come as you work through these tough issues with your daughters. You are stronger than you think. HUGS!
    2353 days ago
    2353 days ago
    I am sending you a smile in the hopes that you will receive the kindness with which it is sent. emoticon
    2353 days ago
    I'm glad the session went well! It's hard going but you're hanging in there.
    I hope you have a fantastic day on Sunday. emoticon
    2353 days ago
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