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Accepting the unacceptable AKA giving up on a goal

Wednesday, May 08, 2013

Ever since my first fall this spring, I have had a lot of time to digest all of the instructions from my various doctors. One of things I asked each was, when I'm stronger can I start a training program for running. Each one had the same answer - NO!! My primary doctor told me honestly he didn't think I would not or should ever. My goal was to be able to run at least a little of "26.2 With Donna" that is held in Jacksonville each year. It is the only national marathon for breast cancer awareness. "Donna" is a newscaster on our local NBC station. She had to deal with breast cancer twice. She has written a book about her journey and started a foundation to help provide for lower income women in need in Duval County. thedonnafoundation.org/d
Link to Donna's book.
Link to the marathon.

To say I was disappointed is an understatement. But since my next two falls and my labs not being so good, I've come to accept some goals must be given up on because of limitations. I'm happy I no longer have to be in my power chair every day. That's something I never thought would happen.

I don't often go into stores with Bob, but I did one day last week. The rain stared to really come down, so I stayed inside until he finished getting gas and pulled up in front of door. But during the wait, no one else was inside. The clerk and I started to talk about a very tiny church around the corner from the store. She was telling how much singing they do. I was a little sad when I told her I was in a choir most of my life, but since the tonsil cancer radiation I can no longer sing. I had my head down thinking about what I had said. I looked up into her face and smiled broadly and told her at least I was alive and giving up singing wasn't that big a sacrifice. Another goal destroyed.

But what I said was true. Before I would have found the thoughts of giving up would be unacceptable. But now, not so much. When we have those kinds of limitations happen, we cannot let them rule our lives. We must take back control. Yes, I'm still alive when the oncologists thought I might not be. accepting what I thought of as unacceptable or giving up on a goal is something so little compared to the alternative, that it doesn't bother me any more. So I can no longer run and no longer sing, so what? I'd much rather be able to spend my days with Bob and my buds. Those things are what matter in life - family and friends. The other stuff was only icing and we all know what sugar does to us.

By living my life the very best I can, taking control back over my choices, and being happy for my faith, family, and friends, I have finally accepted it all. I hope if you are in a situation that has given you limitations because of which you can no longer achieve some of your goals, you'll remember this entry and know the icing is sugar and not very good for you.

Have a wonderful upcoming weekend, In the US Sunday will be Mother's Day.
If you are like me and no longer have your mother with you and you were never blessed with children, I'm sure you have been like a mother to someone or an older woman has been like a mother to you. So celebrate anyway. You deserve it.

Peace Love Cure

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Lovely words and thoughts Ev. I am also glad are here emoticon
    1815 days ago
    Such a good blog, thank you for inspiring us some more! So sorry the Dr.'s are telling you that! You have such a good attitude and are so positive and after all you have gone through and are still here writing blogs for us, is great! We need to count all our blessings every day and accept things we cannot change, but do the best we can to do our best. And if it is set with limitations, so be it. Sitting around regretting or being sad only makes us feel worse. Keep sparking and never give up! emoticon
    1833 days ago
    Ev I am with you on this one.I can't do many things I might have considered impossible to give up on years ago.It beats the alternative though.When I was lying in emergency strapped to a back board with what they call a halo around my head because of the spinal injury just being able to sit up looked good.Now I can do loads more things but still not all I could before but for everything that has been taken away God has given me another blessing.I have met wonderful people like you.I have a physiotherapist who considers me her miracle case and she works with me diligently till I can do things noone ever thought possible. I was blessed with an assistance dog who loved me so much she only woke me in the night before she died of a fast acting cancer ,it must have been there before but she did not show it.Now I have a new one being trained that everyone agrees is the most loving dog they have ever met. Life is good if you look for the positive!
    1837 days ago
    You have an amazing outlook on life. Those limitations and sacrifices couldn't have been easy. But sometimes life has other plans. Sometimes when a door shuts, a window opens, and we can make new goals for ourselves.

    Keep on Sparking!
    1837 days ago
    Ev, I can understand about having to give up goals. I had to give up archery totally when my neck gave out. I had tried out for the Olympics and it was a big part of my/our lives. So just switched gears and went into another shooting sport.
    1837 days ago
    Thanks EV, DH and I are looking at some issues with vision. So it has to be discussed. I am glad I read your blog. You have inspired me to address the issues now and be prepared for if or when the vision is lost. Thanks Pat in Maine.
    emoticon E.V. emoticon emoticon emoticon and MUCH LOVE Pat in Maine. emoticon
    1837 days ago
    emoticon I know from experience it's hard to accept not being able to do things we use to enjoy because of health. I really miss being able to walk for exercise, and all the gardening I use to do. But I try to be thankful for the things that I can still do; I know a lot of people are having things worse than I am.
    1837 days ago
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    1837 days ago
    Strong and brave, you are. Giving up on goals that no longer can be achieved does not mean we can't set new goals that are real to our new situation. Life always has more to offer, which is why we fight so strongly to continue.
    1837 days ago
    It is a very powerful blog, carefully thought out, and I thank you. I have multiple sclerosis, which is progressive, and since getting it back in the 1980s, I have had to adjust my life multiple times. By doing so I have learned that those of us who adjust to life's ever present changes, do best in life. I love your blog and your wonderful attitude. You have found out what you can't do but I have a gut feeling that you will also find something NEW you CAN do. God bless you.

    Love, Chelsea emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1837 days ago
    Hi, I am going in my second year for the breast cancer. I was fortunate because they found it at the beginning, but still they had to cut a piece of my breast away. After the operation, the surgeon told me there were several non cancerous cells she had found and I had to go under the knife a second week, after the first operation, but an inch remained that she did not get, so I had 32 days of radiation. This, the oncologist told me would cause me problems with my ribs. I get terriable spasms in them and because of the radiation, there is nothing that can be done to stop them.
    My dil had breast cancer the same year. She was 42 and had both breasts out. When they cut her open the cancer spread and she was lucky to be alive. It is so sad to go to radiation and see all the people there taking chemo or radiation, and knowing some of them may not make it.

    Being a writer, I wrote an article about a woman who went to the doctor and he gave her a good report. The next day in work she saw a bunch of black and blue marks, on her body. She went back to the doctor and he told her she had cancer and 4 months to live. She fought, with all the strength she had. She wasn't going to die. She was always possitive and she helped others along the way. She lived and then l8 months later she got lung cancer and again she fought and she lived. She died by falling and hitting her head, but the cancer did not take her. If you like to read about her go to http://www.authorsden.com/visit/vie
    under my pen name Jan Richards.

    You are in my prayers. Like this woman I wrote about, I hope you live a long happy life.
    1837 days ago
    I am very happy for you that you look at things in a different light now. You have a fabulous weekend too!

    Peace, Love & Joy to you and yours!


    1837 days ago
    I would only hope I could have such a positive outlook if I were in your shoes! It is okay to modify or give up a goal if it just doesn't work out. No doubt you'll find another!
    1837 days ago
    Good inspirational blog. Ev you are so positive, you always stretch to the limits!! That's the way to live life!! Enjoy your life in every way you can.
    1837 days ago
    Ev, thank you for being brutally honest about these struggles, and how you finally found peace in the end. *hugs*
    1837 days ago
    Thanks for sharing. Even though you cannot run with Donna perhaps you can be at the finish line to cheer her.

    We all wish they would find a cure for breast cancer. I am a 4.5 year breast cancer myself. My 5-year celebration is in Sept. of this year.

    1837 days ago
    1837 days ago
    What an inspirational blog! Thank you for sharing. emoticon
    1837 days ago
    What a very positive blog and a great way to think. This is the type of thinking that will bring back happiness to your life! You know the old saying "God never closes a door, but he opens a window". The old choices and goals had to be let go, now you will find new ones. Life is so full of interesting things to do. To learn. To experience. To share. Good for you and good luck with those new goals you find to brighten your days.
    1837 days ago
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    1837 days ago
    1837 days ago
    You have a very wise way of thinking. You are right, sometimes God takes away things that aren't good for us. Learning to accept limitations helps us grow in being able to say no to bad choices and yes to healthy ones. I too am mobility limited, and I have found when I stop fretting over the things I am not able to do I have much more energy for focusing on the things I can do, and available mind space to be grateful to God for those things that are given to me. I also find if I work within those limitations and really put my mind to a solution I can usually find ways to accomplish far more than I thought I could do. For example I am unable to stand in place for more than a minute or too, but by stopping myself from fretting over that I was able to notice that I can stay upright for up to 20 minutes if I am walking or moving around and exercising. Its far better to be active than just standing anyway, so I am grateful to God that now I can be out of this horrid emoticon and moving about. Keep pushing at what you can do!
    IKacey co-leader of the Chair Exercise Team
    1837 days ago
    This is one of the finest blogs I have ever read. Thank you for the inspiration to live and love in the best way possible!!

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    1837 days ago
    Thanks for sharing, happy Mum's Day emoticon emoticon
    1838 days ago
    You're an inspiration, dear. Happy Mother's Day weekend!
    1838 days ago
  • HYE101
    Thanks for sharing. This really hits home with me and makes me realize that my physical challenges can be confronted with a more positive attitude.
    Thanks and have a great weekend !!

    Sam emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1838 days ago
    Radical acceptance is quite a feat. It allows us to throw off restraints and chains that hold us to a feeling of loss and inadequacy when realizing we can't do/get something we want. But with radical acceptance comes the realization that there are many more options available to us.

    You might not be able to run a marathon, but you can help with fundraising, you can walk along side friends as they finish the race, you can cheer on others, and you can make up your own form of marathon. Instead of running 26.2 miles, commit to 26 days of exercising in whatever way possible for 26 minutes. Commit to reading 26 books in a year (instead of training to run). Commit to writing 26 paragraphs in a month. Along the way ask people to join in and commit to something.

    You might not be able to sing anymore, but you can mentor a kid or teenager who sings. You can donate some music books to local schools. You can help with fundraisers to support local choirs and music programs. And when you're around someone who is singing you can clap and hum along and give them pointers.

    Above all there's one thing you can still do: dream. Not dream about acheiving these goals in the future but live it in your dreams. In our dreams (and daydreams) we have no limitations. In your dreams you can find inspiration for ways to support others in their goals and find ways to make the most of other talents and successes.
    1838 days ago
    What an inspirational blog, Ev. Thanks so much. I always love reading your blogs. Hope you are having a fantastic week.
    1838 days ago
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