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I give up....

Wednesday, May 08, 2013

Well, sort of. I have been on Spark since December 2009 (I think). In almost 3 1/2 years I have lost a grand total of 5 pounds and have gained 3; leaving a grand total of minus 2 pounds in over 3 years. Not a very good statistic.
I have been up with the program and down with the program. I have worked hard and I have been a slacker. I have been happy and I have been frustrated.
So, here's where I'm at right now. I give up. I give up worrying about my weight and the scale and the measurements. Could I do more? Sure. Do I want to? Evidently not or I would have lost more weight. The truth is I don't want to eat Paleo, vegan, raw, etc. I want to eat what most people eat---just not so much. I don't want to join a gym or sweat like a dog with heart palpitations working out so hard. I just want to keep moving and keep my body healthy.
I find myself thinking that in X number of weeks/months/hours/whatever I will be a smaller size, more fit, less jiggle, more muscle. It has not happened in over 3 years; there is no reason to believe that being 3 years older any of this is going to happen. My body seems to be happy here; comfortable.
I don't look that bad--wish my belly was smaller and I wasn't so jiggly but I feel good. And, when I keep walking, eat healthy with good portion control I feel great.
I have posted a very similar blog to this before (at least once). I have got to focus on ME and stop thinking about eating, food, weight. I need to start learning to love my aging body and enjoy my life, my family, my friends. I'm TIRED of weighing myself only to be disappointed.
I will continue to eat healthy and track my food. I will continue to walk and do ST and track those minutes. It is time for me to quit worrying and focusing on weight loss that isn't happening and focus on me being healthy.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Here's someone who might ring your bell - she doesn't focus on scale either. Hasn't weighed herself in MONTHS

    Sorry you'll have to cut and paste this link but I think her blogs will inspire you.
    You can go back to March 2012 or pick any that sound interesting since then.
    1837 days ago
    As usual, we are twins. Most likely, we are sharing a brain. I am sick of the weight loss drama as well. It's like a really stale soap opera where I have amnesia for the 14th time. Like the movie "Groundhog Day". I'm like a rat in a maze - a fat one. I watch everyone around me losing weight and going into maintenance for life and I wish it were me but then I know what it takes for me to lose weight and I question if this is what I want my life to be like. Suffering 24/7. Do I want my legacy to be that my tombstone reads - She was always on a goofy diet? I don't know that I want to be the only 80 year old stupid enough to count every pea while exercising 2 hours a day to lose an ounce. At some point I want to have my cake and eat it too. My body wants to be fat just like it wanted to be thin the first 46 years of my life. Maybe some time I might really decide to knuckle under again but right now I need a life beyond thinking about what i can't have.
    1842 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/9/2013 10:56:42 PM
  • SHARON10002
    Beth, I am feeling the same too. Lost 15 pounds last year only to gain most of it back. I still track but am not weighing at all unless I have to. I am trying to decide where to go from here. I won't give up SP because I would miss all of you. I haven't had that emoticon moment yet, but I keep waiting. . .
    1842 days ago
    I hope by focusing on being healthy it will help with your frustration. I too have an attitude everything in moderation and try to track fitness and nutrition. Good luck!
    1842 days ago
    Recently I've had a lot of similar thoughts - I just want to enjoy living and not focus so much on tracking and the scale. So, let's live life and enjoy it, move as often as we can, and try to make healthy choices!
    1843 days ago
    Beth, my story is similar, although I did lose 50 lbs. I starting losing weight in April of 2009, joined SP in July 2009 and by October of '09 I had lost 50 lbs. It's now almost FOUR years later and I've been up and down the same 10-15 lbs, never gaining more than that, but never losing more than that either. I am pretty active most of the time, I'm fairly happy with how I look but yes, I'd be happier about 30 lbs lighter. Bottom line for me, I'm continuing to eat well most of the time, normal, mostly whole foods, but I eat other things in moderation when I want them and I am active as much as possible. Could I do better, of course. But I'm healthier and happier than I've been in years, have made some wonderful friends here and I'm just going to keep trucking along and do the best I can. The scale shouldn't define us. How we feel is what really matters.
    1843 days ago
    I agree that it's good not to focus on what you weigh most of the time but just because the weight is coming off doesn't mean you aren't improving health. Think about all the diseases you are preventing! I know it's frustrating and you want to lose weight to but for some it is a lot more challenging than others. I am in that boat too but you never know when your hard work will pay off.

    I think if you aren't so hard on yourself, it will help a lot. Obsessing doesn't help and being disappointed doesn't help (even though it's not something you can help, it's just the way you feel at times.)

    Right now, I am focusing on fitness minutes and not the scale. Progress comes in a lot of forms and the scale isn't the only way to measure success. Keep that in mind.

    Also, maybe it's more difficult for you to lose weight because of a medical condition. Definitely something to look into.

    Whatever you do, don't give up!
    1843 days ago
    Dear Beth-
    We are most definitely on the same team.
    My wt has gone down 30,
    then up 20 in the 4 years I've been here.
    I love my teams and friends but am
    tired, tired, tired of
    tracking, tracking, tracking,
    not to mention endlessly tweaking.
    I think I will just stop. emoticon

    Not sparking- just tracking.
    hhmmm... how would that feel?
    Let's try it.
    Just weigh in once a week
    and just do what we know we need to do-
    which is not starve ourselves or kill ourselves with exercise.
    I'm scared already.

    1843 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/8/2013 10:15:02 PM
    Maybe the maintaining is what Sparking helps you do. We're not all cut out to be size 2 but being healthy and active is important to living the life you and those munchkins deserve. That nasty fall in the winter would have been a lot worst if you weren't in such great shape.

    I agree that everyone should learn to love and appreciate our fabulosity just as we are and no size or weight should dictate your happiness. However I would not feel like a good Spark friend if I didnt tell you that we're fighters--- we will die trying to get better. So chin up, shoulders back and get back in the game. There is no win or lose just continue to try my dear Sparkler!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1843 days ago
    Oh my gosh Beth, We started at the same time and have the same results. You are right to know where happiness lies and I agree with you, it's not realistic at this point (at least for me either) to go raw, vegan, no-carb, juice only etc...etc...
    I was thinking about this same thing recently too and the tools and support here are valuable in helping me progress in my thought process to a healthier place than I was in 2009. It actually translates to learning to be accountable, comfortable, and having a healthy outlook about life. Dieting and frantically setting and failing at goals and re-trying crazy new diets never was healthy. 4 years on Spark has calmed me down tremendously and I have learned to be better to myself but has the scale really moved? No. It no longer matters to me as much either because I bet I'd be manic and heavier without this place and friends like you.
    There are seasons and phases and we have the right to enter with as much vigor as we choose whenever we choose to. It is your choice and bravo to you for knowing that you don't have to be mad and frustrated with a number on the scale to be "making progress".

    Okay but seriously, you won't leave us right??!!!! emoticon
    1843 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

    My sentiments exactly. I do not get weighed unless the Drs office weighs me.
    I like where i am I love the people but not the stress.
    I do not like to write to lots of people I do not know. I love my support groups of friends who keep me here.
    I am less jiggly because I like to do resistance bands, I need to keep my arms strong.
    I love to walk with DH or my Walking friends. I have no-one else around so sometimes I walk with Leslie Sansonne nothing tough just do what you want to do, she actually does say that. Just keep to the beat. Nothing hard in that for sure. She and coach Nicole keep saying pull your abs tight and walk tall. All you have to do is to think about it . It works for me and my belly is looking better.
    Great job putting it where you see it.
    PRINT your Blog and post it somewhere and remind yourself you have given yourself permission to do it YOUR WAY!!!
    emoticon My Dear friend.
    I almost had a panic when I read "I QUIT"
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

    1843 days ago
  • SCOOTER4263
    I think that's an excellent plan. It seems a lot of the time that all that concentration, planning, analyzing, vowing and all the rest gets in the way of success. If the goal here is to be happy and healthy and *not* obsess over food, then planning every gram seems counterintuitive. I don't know - that's just my opinion. Maybe you'll feel like taking another run at it later on - or not. It's no good to be continually disappointed and/or beating yourself up - you don't deserve it, and it doesn't help.

    Maybe you're just at a stagnant spot after all the excitement of the last few weeks. That's how I feel right now. I suspect we both need to just sit down and breathe deeply for a while until we get our bearings again.'re not leaving SP are you???? That just wouldn't do at all...not at all...
    1843 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/8/2013 8:55:19 PM
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