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Whacky Perceptions

Wednesday, May 08, 2013

How are you all doing?

I thought I had broken through my plateau, but just the top layer eroded away a pound and I appear to be flattened out once more. Not discouraged though.

What I find very weird is that
in my brain I know I have lost 55 pounds.
In my closet I know I have shrunk my clothes 5-6 sizes, depending upon the country where they were constructed.
In the mirror, I catch myself and wonder, "Who IS that?"
In my doctor's lab work, my health is so noticeably better that he's skipping around the office.
In my everyday life, I have so much more energy from not wasting it carrying around all that tonnage.
In my dog's moldable retractable leash, four fingers slip right through up to my thumb where I could only squeeze 3 fingers through it last December.
The front of my winter coat wraps around to where the side seams should be.
In my memory, I can't remember ever being at this low weight.
And I have the quantitative measurements, photos, graphs, etc. that attest to all of it.

So what's weird?
Well, on the inside, sitting here working on the computer, the size of my body still feels the same as it always has, no matter what I weighed.

Don't get me wrong. I also know I'm not at goal yet, have at least 30 pounds to go, perhaps more so I'm not expecting to feel THIN. But inside my skin, I still feel my size is the same as when I started this journey last summer. I'm not sure what I expected it to feel like when I had lost 55 pounds. I do know I never expected to lose those all those pounds.

So maybe that's the real purpose of this plateau. To give me time to come to terms with what this new me feels like. To give me time to shrink my perceptions down to the current me.

I think that will be an important adjustment. Otherwise I could easily put weight back on and never realize it until the whole wardrobe no longer fits.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • JOYB19
    Me too. I'll always have to live with myself and a change in weight hasn't necessarily resulted in a change of mind. Very irrational physical vs. spiritual dichotomy...deep thoughts. Ack!

    1838 days ago
    Your comment about looking in the mirror and wonder who that is says a lot. You still perceive yourself the way you were last summer. Maybe you need to spend more time looking in that mirror and convince yourself that this is the new you and that the n new you will continue to ch ange

    1839 days ago
    Yes, yes, I think so. I hear and I experienced it myself too, that it takes a LONG time to adjust to a lower weight. So indeed maybe your psyche just needs 'a rest' in order to let it all sink in and adjust even if your body may be ready to or okay with losing more weight.

    1839 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/9/2013 5:00:48 AM
  • L*I*T*A*
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1839 days ago
    Sometimes the hardest concept to grasp is thinking of yourself as thin. Thin is where I've always wanted to be and I'm almost there. One of the tips I learned many years ago, is that if I want to BE thin, I have to THINK thin. Whenever I would see my reflection in a mirror, I would still see me as a heavier person. I was losing weight, but I just couldn't see it. I wasn't thinking thin. Think thin when you choose your menu. Think thin when you are trying on new clothes. Think thin when you exercise. The more you think thin, the better your perception of yourself will be. I am definitely thinner than I was when I started losing the weight. I like the thinking thin feeling.

    So, try to Think Thin. You are doing an amazing job. You have dropped sizes, you have improved your health, you have more energy. Add thinking thin to your arsenal of weight loss tools and you might just start seeing and feeling like a thin person.

    1839 days ago
    Sometimes the non-scale achievements are more important.
    1839 days ago
    It's an important insight and not at all whacky. I think that I've always felt the same inside no matter what the scale says. And I'm working on thinking better of myself no matter what the scale says.
    1839 days ago
    Plateaus are just a temporary place to stop and catch our breath and admire the scenery. Eventually, we all move beyond and continue on our journey. The key is to look ahead, not look behind.
    1840 days ago
    I too have experienced that disconnect between perception and reality. I still have days when I feel fat, but I "know" I am not anymore. It IS weird, but it eases a little the longer I am at a lighter weight.
    1840 days ago
    I think you are on to something!

    1840 days ago
    It is wacky. Good blog because I'm sure a lot of us relate. It's why I have so much respect for the people still "working" at maintenance. It's the reason when sometimes when we (I must mean the Royal we because it does not happen that often to me) lose a pound, we say... "only a pound" and yet we can look at a pound of butter and say, yes, that's a lot!

    My aha today was because I have bought a dress. Like you, I've gone down several sizes and with a wedding this summer thought I would treat myself to a new frock. I was surprised and happy to find myself in an X. The 1X was too loose around the arm holes and the waist was too low on me. The X was flattering... but a little bit tight at the bust. Hardly noticeable but certainly the better fit. I have been getting smaller... very slowly. Not always on the scale, but in arm size, shoulder size... so by August it may fit better... or not. But here is the thing. In the past 5 years I have not GAINED weight. OK, a pound or two perhaps... but either I have maintained at a plateau or lost. And yet my fear is by August I will be larger. I finally did get rid of all my 3X and 2X clothes. I still have some 1X things that are not very flattering... but I don't trust myself. Like you, I still see myself as bigger than I am. LIke you I still have 20-30 pounds ahead before I reevaluate, but I can't let go of that fear. I decided when I realized that today that my mantra today should be "trust youself". Usually it is God I am saying that about... but I think it is time that I learn I have earned this trust.

    Thank you for the link to the fullplate diet. I have been following a high fiber way of eating for some time now but I had no idea there was a site so close to what I eat now. I think it is the answer for me as I feel satisfied.

    Oh... and as for plateaus. I always forget... but it seems I move past a plateau after getting a big sleep.

    I get my harp back Monday. Very excited as it has been 3 weeks I have loaned it to my friend while she recovers from surgery. Woo hoo! I've missed it.
    1840 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/8/2013 2:18:19 PM
    It's hard to wrap ones mind around some changes. However, THIS IS AN IMPORTANT CHANGE! This plateau could be what you need to have time for adjustments to sink in. However, if you want to get to the next level you must not stay too long. Enjoy the short visit but get ready to move on.
    1840 days ago
    Stay motivated!
    1840 days ago
    I can so relate to this! I am down 55 pounds, and I am still shocked when I see a picture of myself.
    1840 days ago
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